How do you deal with a bad breakup?

So it looks like there is a good chance that SWMBO and I are going to split up. Things have been getting really bad between us lately and all we do is fight. I've been told to put in more hours at work, and I think that was the final nail in the coffin for our relationship. We aren't married but have had a very serious relationship for over 3 years, plus 2 years before that of a deep friendship. Anyway, the Internet is full of articles telling women how to deal with a bad breakup with plenty of chocolate and wine and pouring their hearts out to friends. But how are we guys supposed to deal with it? The relationship is important to us too, and we get just as sad about it ending as females do, even though we might not outwardly show it. Any advice I would appreciate.

Sorry. Have you considered counseling? Every couple has issues.

I sincerely wish the best.

My grandfather used to kid and I hope this lightens the mood: "Don't make one miserable. Make many happy."

Been divorced for years, 2 kids as well, it's rough, we have become great friends as of lately, time does heal, but with the emotions involved it is a journey for sure, you will be fine in the end, you are in my prayers!

My best wishes for the future as well.
First of all, make sure it's over. Try going to counseling together, if you can.
What has helped me was a spirits riddled weekend, talking to a friend about it and some time.
Unloading her stuff from the house helped as well.
Hang in there, it eventually gets better.

Sorry to hear that!

One thing that scared me a bit is that "being asked to work more hours" is the straw that broke the camel's back, if I understood you correctly. Do you think that rejecting the request to work more hours, and going into counseling together with your partner, might give you two another chance?

It's been a series of issues, and this was just the one that tipped the scale I think. Not sure if counseling would help, maybe we might just need to rethink. We'll see how it goes.

That is surely a question that would merit subjective and possibly irrelevant response. My best advice is to attempt to figure out the sources of conflict, attempt to compromise and give way to each other, allow for space and room. Each should possibly try girls and guys night outs. Your friends who know you well should be able to offer counseling in addition to accommodating your vulnerable state of emotions. If all else fails and you are surely headed towards a breakup, ouch, my condolences. I always found routines and activities to better myself, including working out & exercise, reading, home projects, automobile maintenance and upgrades, lawn work / landscaping and of course, working additional hours to provide income for hobbies and whatever else.

Hope you find resolution, preferably keeping together if you can iron out the conflict. Losing a good friend and close relationship always hurts.

First, sorry if this happens. Second, usually what happens with me is that I'll end up putting extra time and effort into work, and keeping very social in the weekend. Maybe work will be a saver too? Good luck!

how to deal with a bad brake up ?
Well it depends on the kind of guy you are.

You can just be stoic. Go the the bar or bowling ally and say "women you know."

most guys I know do something work it out of there system.

One guy I knew many years ago moved back to his native Alaska in to a cabin and went hunting and fishing for a few years. Eventually got a job in the oil industry.

A good friend just got the boot a couple of weeks ago, now lives in his wood working shop, were he is restoring old furniture and drinking heavily. I would not recommend the drinking part.

I know a guy who turned to the services of a professional as a form of therapy I guess.
Other guy I know went to therapy.
One guy went and found himself a girl friend and another and another till one finally stayed.
One guy has given up on himself. He sits plays video games and eats all the time.
Other guy I know has gotten into politics and works a ton of hours now.
With the election that turned into a good job.
I have seen guys Get a dog,
Build a car.
Read books.
Whittle wood.
Sell all there stuff on E-bay.
Play sports.
work on a alligator farm.
Move to tighland and get married ( and divorced ) other guy did the same but thought czech republic was the place to go.

Now righting this list I think that All the guy's I know nuts and are single.

Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one.

And I am serious about that, it's true. Having said that, you don't want to rush into a serious relationship until you are ready, or you will just bring baggage to it. But go out with friends a lot, either male or female, and try to do fun social stuff. After my last breakup I spent too long sitting at home by myself feeling sad, and it did become a habit. It was only once I started to get out that I started to feel better.

Put in more hours at work and with the extra coin spend it on yourself and find another lady friend with the qualities you want!

1. Try as hard as you can to see things from her point of view. Then talk.

2. If that doesn't work and things fall apart, spend time with single male friends, if you've got them.

You get different advice depending on one key question ... do you and she have kids together?

Since you didn't mention kids, I'll assume "none" ... get a clean, fair break. Talk to a lawyer to get some legal advice about your rights and obligations in the jurisdiction where you live. Then see if you and she can part ways on agreeable terms, and do what you need to do to get them "legal" (I don't mean court, I mean lawyer(s) draft up a binding agreement that's fair to both sides.)

The clean, fair break gives you time and space to heal emotionally, and then move on with your life.

One thing to contemplate:

ALL relationships between men and woman go through difficult times, compromises need to be made . There isn't some mythical person out there that is so perfect and understanding of your needs above hers that you will live forever in bliss.

That said, there are nut cases that you just dont want in your life.

But, it sounds as if you at least used to love this person very much. So, consider what you may be giving up before giving up on her.

Sorry to hear this. I would seek counseling and advice from a local friend. How about a minister? My faith is what gets me through very rough patches like this.

Also, or at least what I find, date a lot! Date many and often. If you're actually wanting a relationship, then don't look. By dating often your options are endless, and if something is going to happen, the right one will let you know eventually!

If you haven't seriously considered counseling, it may be a good idea. I have a good friend who is a professional counselor, and he has convinced me that it isn't a crock. I used to think it was just a bunch of touchy feely junk. He has changed my mind with stories about his clients (he keeps them anonymous of course.) I don't believe it's overly expensive. That said, it may also not be worth it. Only you can decide. The thing is, though, if you choose to do counseling, you have to be willing to change. The biggest problem my friend has with his clients is that one party is unwilling to change and just wants him to "fix" the other person, or just plain take their side. It just doesn't work like that. You have to decide if the person is worth enough to you to compromise and change yourself, and that can be really hard. You have to decide if she's worth it to you to say you are wrong even though you aren't just to make her happy. That's hard stuff, man, but it may be what it takes. Just have to decide if it's worth it. But if you do end up permanently separated, I don't see anything wrong with chocolate and wine and pouring your heart out to friends. Men have emotions, too. Good luck and I hope and pray things work out the way they are meant to.

How you approach it really depends on your personality and circumstances. I've done a lot of things described above, at different points in my life. After one breakup, I flung myself into working more just to keep my mind occupied, after another, took some time off. YMMV. The key things are to make the best of it, use it as an opportunity to grow and improve on yourself, to try to be good to yourself (while being realistic...maybe you caused the breakup, in which case self-improvement is in order.)

But I've been through this a few times and there are two things which have always happened.

1. Time goes by and you feel better about it.
2. You find there are always other fish in the sea.