I have found this to be an effective cure for all those annoying ailments of olde (passion, excitement, unbridled optimism, lust for life, freedom, et al).
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I have found this to be an effective cure for all those annoying ailments of olde (passion, excitement, unbridled optimism, lust for life, freedom, et al).
I believe you have encountered the not too uncommon...
TEASE
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bluefoxicy
These are not things I haven't considered.
I'm pretty sure the situation can be summarized in the following way: I have to make a move because I'll lose my chance if I don't; and she has to resist because she'll lose what she has if she goes forward. I can always back out; she can't.
I'm not trying to force her to move too fast... just to recognize that, yes, there IS a move to make, this isn't an illusion, a fantasy, or some guy just trying to get in her pants (hey I'll get there eventually, I've got more important things to deal with right now). More importantly, I ... really get the feeling she's trying to reconcile this with herself, it really helps if I can get her to directly admit to whatever feelings she has.
And yeah. I honestly enjoy her company. I'm not standing around taking pictures, following her home, stealing crap out of her trash... I'm trying to get closer and get to know her better. I just happen to want to get to know her in a very deep and significant way.
I just want to keep things moving. We're stalling... I don't want her to cool down. If it takes me a friggin' year of small, incremental movements, but it works out (or at least I get her to smile a little along the way), it's worth it for me. I'm incredibly patient... remember I only see this girl once a week, and she's working during that time. We're still on the "My boyfriend wouldn't like you [Calling, hanging out with, etc] me" stage. I have to get there before I can do anything drastic-- she's obviously not ready to jeopardize her relationship, despite visible failure to cover her feelings. Once she's willing to take risks like giving some guy her phone number or going out on a dinner date, well.. yeah.
It's still a gentle push just to get her that far though. She's in no danger of losing my attention and she can't move forward without risking her relationship, she's under zero pressure and will stay right where she is for ... a long time. The hard part here is I don't want to make her think she's under risk of losing her shot at me; I just want to encourage her to quit stalling and seriously consider it. I do it too; I won't make a risky move if I can sit in limbo for eternity without a problem, pretending one day I'll be 100% sure of which decision to make. It just makes obvious sense, why rush things any faster than you have to?
For someone who considers this a major failure in keeping these feelings under lock and key, I'm pursuing this pretty freaking hard, despite the potential consequences. :|
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bluefoxicy
The third option is to find a psychological weakness.
In this case, the fact that her heart races and she has trouble making basic decisions when I talk to her is pretty exposing... plus she won't LET me back down; she refused to give her phone number AGAIN because "I have a boyfriend, he really wouldn't like that" and when I offered to back down she near panicked.
It can't be that hard. If she tips over far enough that she can't look her boyfriend in the eyes anymore because her feelings have shifted elsewhere, I've pretty much won. This is an easy problem because it's pretty much brute force: if I keep bashing her over the head with her own emotions, eventually there won't be anything else left.
That means... talk to her, come onto her but not... you know, not like the idiots she has to wait on (she always has guys trying to take her home... I mean take your shot yeah, but don't spend 10 minutes arguing with the waitress about whether you're going to get in her pants tonight, ugh). Just enough to get her to smile. And when she's too stressed, just be there, make sure she's okay, just enough so she's glad there's someone that gives half a s#*%.
Just enough to keep her heart pounding.
I'm putting way too much thought into this. Truth is I'm too scared to walk away.
How the hell did this happen to me... now I need a roll bar for my race car so I don't die. :|
sh*t or get off the pot.
I've finally reached the age where I've developed some immunity to a pretty smile. It's not too often that I'm grateful to be as old as I am, but this is one of those times!
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I met a lovely young lady who handled her relationship with me much like your acquaintence does with you. She was engaged to a guy, but kept encouraging me to hang around.....and, because I was young and foolish, I did hang around.
Long story short, I'm still hanging around, but now her relationship is with me (and has been for the last 40+ years).
Moral: Stay with it, but be prepared for the consequences of success.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I met a lovely young lady who handled her relationship with me much like your acquaintence does with you. She was engaged to a guy, but kept encouraging me to hang around.....and, because I was young and foolish, I did hang around.
Long story short, I'm still hanging around, but now her relationship is with me (and has been for the last 40+ years).
Moral: Stay with it, but be prepared for the consequences of success.
I've finally reached the age where I've developed some immunity to a pretty smile. It's not too often that I'm grateful to be as old as I am, but this is one of those times!
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I met a lovely young lady who handled her relationship with me much like your acquaintence does with you. She was engaged to a guy, but kept encouraging me to hang around.....and, because I was young and foolish, I did hang around.
Long story short, I'm still hanging around, but now her relationship is with me (and has been for the last 40+ years).
Moral: Stay with it, but be prepared for the consequences of success.
I stole my wife from a boyfriend in a pretty similar fashion as well. 10 years later and I'm glad I was persistant. Hence my comments about manning up and taking action.
Pine wood burns bright and fast. Oak burns a lot hotter but much slower. My advise, step away for a few weeks and see if there is still a fire.
and use good matches? Blake..are you SURE you posted to the right forum?
Perhaps not.
I can tell you from personal experience that barmaids are not worth it.
I would be willing to bet that she perceives this situation in a very different light than you do.
I would be willing to bet that she perceives this situation in a very different light than you do.
blackfoot Pine wood burns bright and fast. Oak burns a lot hotter but much slower. My advise, step away for a few weeks and see if there is still a fire.
Then there is hedge that does both.
Then there is hedge that does both.
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bluefoxicy
Does she still count as a barmaid if she's got a business degree, works at a company she's currently taking over, bought herself a house on money she earned working two jobs, and has proclaimed she's "not one of those girls that's going to be a bartender forever"? There was something about needing a job that's "mentally engaging" in there... I've never heard those words from a girl but they're apparently out there.
This is pretty much where I'm hoping to land. I'm well aware this is foolish and has consequences I'd rather like to avoid in my entire life. Sometimes you have to weigh the costs....
Sometimes those costs include looking like a fool.
Hell, sometimes you're right, and you really are being played the fool.
My mood for the past few months has probably been best summed up by Rise Against... "Somewhere between happy... and total f$#*ing wreck."
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Good luck, I hope it all goes to plan and sounds like one hell of an emotional journey.
Keep sane!
Keep sane!
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bluefoxicy
Good luck, I hope it all goes to plan and sounds like one hell of an emotional journey.
Keep sane!
Haha... thanks.
Yeah it keeps getting better, I asked her out to dinner and she said her boyfriend "would probably break up with me." She seemed... I can't really tell, she didn't seem overly happy but she seemed less than annoyed. I told her I'm not giving up... she really doesn't seem to mind. She really doesn't seem capable of forcing the smile off her face when I talk to her.
The plot thickens.
They just bought a house together (this is her boyfriend, not some guy she's engaged to, ***?).
Oh, I've been looking at a little green cape cod for a week, it's within my budget (by myself!), and... oh. It's like right down the street from her.
Awesome, I am now the creepy guy that's attempting to move close to her. Not my fault, but wow, what a hand.
I crack under pressure easy. I still think she likes me (I told her I'd back off if she asked, I told her I'm not giving up on her, she STILL hasn't pushed me away)... but this is hard, I mean *** she lives with the guy, this isn't exactly easy even if she wanted to get up and walk away from him. But what the hell?
I went home, cried for a while, had a headache all day from crying too much, slept it off... I'm only still here because I didn't have a cyanide tube to inject myself with at the time (I REALLY crack under pressure easy)... and next week I'll take things a little lighter. She didn't push back under the pressure and I'm going to keep pushing, but I think that's enough for right now and I can ease up a little.
In my favor, she said he's the kind of guy that really gets upset about her talking to other guys (he used to work at the bar she works at, he got her the job there but then quit because... hey, she's a hot VIP waitress, she gets hit on a lot, he can't deal with it), he'd probably dump her if she went out to dinner with me once (or gave me her number), etc. ... okay so he's dumb and would just hand her over without a fight. But still, the profile she gave me was... you know... controlling, distrusting, possessive... I kinda hope she's exaggerating, he seems like a decent guy but ...
And yeah I know, he's just scared of... heh... me. Still. A little trust goes a long way towards stopping crap like this from happening. o_o
Wow I'm an emo little b@#*h. Oh well. She smiles when I talk to her, totally worth it.
*whine* *whine* *whine* *high school drama*
Screw it, I'm going to try to buy that house. I can do it myself, without two jobs. Hell, Clyde said he'd let me work the bathroom if I gave him $50/night, he pulls ... a lot... from those things, I could easily take home a few hundred in one night. If by some not-very-small miracle I wind up dating her, I'll have Clyde switch me from Friday nights to Saturday nights so I'm working when she's working. Why do it without two jobs when I can do it with two jobs?
(Do you see the trouble girls cause?!)
Dude, walk away. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
Do not work the bathroom.
They bought a house together. That's not a boyfriend she has. That's big trouble.
...and she's big trouble.
You can get a lot more house for your money in metro Detroit.
- Chris
Do not work the bathroom.
They bought a house together. That's not a boyfriend she has. That's big trouble.
...and she's big trouble.
You can get a lot more house for your money in metro Detroit.
- Chris
For god's sake get a grip on yourself.
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Dude, you see her 1 hour a week only while she's working, she bought a house with some other guy. She's "a hot vip waitress". Business degree or not, she's a professional flirter and you're just a customer.
Cut your losses and get out.
+1, seems like she's trying to keep you on the backburner. Come on man don't let a girl grind you down.
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