It's always a girl, I swear

[elosamurai]

Hmmm, I have so much to say about this I dont know where to start..

I've been in the club/bar/restaurant business for over 25 years and one thing I know is that the ladies are much smarter than men give them credit for, especially if you choose to be a waitress....They are tough, assertive, and not indecisive ever; its just experience dealing with patrons that gradually gives them a tougher skin and less likely to be insulted by them. One of my girls says I put up with it for a few hours and laugh my *** to the bank.. And the better ones flirt on a professional level, never letting anyone catch on and always keep them coming back for more....
Also when it comes to altercations in my place of business, I am more likely to send my head waitress to defuse the situation before my bouncers.. Things just end better when there is the softness of beauty in the mist of drunken testosterone..

Keeping what Ive said in mind i think your inexperience in the dating world is your detriment.. Not that its a bad thing but she is way more experienced than you. Maybe she thinks your cute and nice but your game is lacking? And I suspect you are her backup plan if not one of them to get out of her relationship which she is still undecided on.( Hence the leading you on)..
Also seems your looking for Mrs. Right already when you haven't tried enough Miss wrongs (which are more fun,but nothing you should base a lifelong relationship with). I say to start casually dating a few girls,, maybe take one out to this place, just to prove your not hung up on her.. Who knows she might get that "oh no, hes slipping away" feeling.
But above all, if you forget everything else, just move on my friend. A house is legally a bigger commitment than marriage; its a question of time before they tie that not...
Get yourself a new suit, a nice haircut (you belong here so I know your well shaved), and a new attitude and take it to town... And don't take anything so seriously again...
Good luck
Elo el samurai


PS.. Do not move in a few doors down.. Regardless if you moved on from pining over her, you still wouldn't like to become friends with your adversary. And just think how in a few years you see her kids playing in the yard and you thinking they could've been mine.. Don't do that to yourself....

 

[Blondie]

Dude, you see her 1 hour a week only while she's working, she bought a house with some other guy. She's "a hot vip waitress". Business degree or not, she's a professional flirter and you're just a customer.

Cut your losses and get out.

This is the best advice I have heard so far. I am curious though, what sort of establishment is this that you work at? Working the bathroom, I assume means as a restroom attendant? VIP waitress, waits in the VIP section, Hot, guys hitting on her all the time? Forgive me for asking, but is this what is commonly referred to as a "Gentlemen's Club" or Topless Bar?

If so, then I triple the recommendation to just cut bait.

 

[bluefoxicy]

Dude, you see her 1 hour a week only while she's working, she bought a house with some other guy. She's "a hot vip waitress". Business degree or not, she's a professional flirter and you're just a customer.

6 hours, and I'm not a customer. I think in the past like... 4 months she's gotten 5 bucks out of me. She's come out on off days and talked to me.

 

[King of Kailua]

I think she's trying to realize her fantasy for having her boyfriend "defend her honor" by getting into a bar fight with you. Fun times!

 

[bluefoxicy]

Twhat sort of establishment is this that you work at? Working the bathroom, I assume means as a restroom attendant? VIP waitress, waits in the VIP section, Hot, guys hitting on her all the time? Forgive me for asking, but is this what is commonly referred to as a "Gentlemen's Club" or Topless Bar?

No, they're eye candy but they're not ... exposed. I mean obviously the girls are dressed showy, mid-cut top rather than a full length shirt, short shorts, but not wandering around in a bathing suit or their underwear or less.

Keeping what Ive said in mind i think your inexperience in the dating world is your detriment.. Not that its a bad thing but she is way more experienced than you. Maybe she thinks your cute and nice but your game is lacking?

This is as true as it gets. I've yet to tell her I've never taken a girl on a date... I'll make that move the next time it comes up. You'd be surprised how differently people react when you drop your guard a bit; I'm not hiding things from her, I'm not leading her on with hyped-up half-truths, I'm just being myself. So far she seems to enjoy my company.

And I suspect you are her backup plan if not one of them to get out of her relationship which she is still undecided on.( Hence the leading you on)..

I dunno. If she's looking for a way out though, be mindful that that's ... pretty telling. She hasn't made any outright efforts to lead me on, I don't see myself having a really good chance here. There's something I can pry into and that's it; this is hard to do, and it's by no means within my experience or even guaranteed that it can be done. The only thing I'm sure about is she likes having me around and doesn't mind me chasing her... I think she likes me but even if she does, that doesn't mean she'll act on it.

Also seems your looking for Mrs. Right already when you haven't tried enough Miss wrongs (which are more fun,but nothing you should base a lifelong relationship with). I say to start casually dating a few girls,, maybe take one out to this place, just to prove your not hung up on her.. Who knows she might get that "oh no, hes slipping away" feeling.

I hate relationships. One reason this is so hard for me is I don't know how to deal with being in a relationship. I barely deal with having friends and rejected most social contact at a young age; I grew up never having anyone to hang out with, because it was an annoying and pointless obligation to maintain real friends.

Do you know what I'd get out of dating?

Hating women.

To me, I'm screwed either way. I'm tied to inescapable emotions that are leading me into a life that requires I throw away most if not all of myself and pursue something completely different; but I want her and if I lose her... that's a lot to lose. I've obviously made the purely economic decision that she's worth a lot more than the comfortable, relatively stress-free lifestyle I've chosen; but you have to understand, you can't actually make that decision without making the trade-off. You lose that part of yourself just considering it; it becomes unenjoyable.

But above all, if you forget everything else, just move on my friend. A house is legally a bigger commitment than marriage; its a question of time before they tie that not...

It's doable, but it's hard and it's a huge social commitment to get out of too. Neither can probably afford it alone, and one would get kicked out and need to find a place to stay. It doesn't help that I'm trying to buy a house too-- although I've got, for the moment, a decent ability to handle that. There's rough edges I want to smooth out (I overspend; and my car payment ...), I'll nuke some obligations with a second job if I can.

I've still gotta try. I don't know why. I wanted things like this to stay out of my life, but I've lost it, I can't seem to back out, even though it should totally be doable. I broke the mechanism... I let this happen instead of walking off, didn't know what I was letting myself get into. I should have just switched it off when I saw it coming.

Besides.

Nobody would want to date someone like me.

 

[bluefoxicy]

I think she's trying to realize her fantasy for having her boyfriend "defend her honor" by getting into a bar fight with you. Fun times!

From what she says, he'd just dump her for letting me get too close.

Also he can hit me all he wants, he won't be able to hurt me. Hell, I don't really want to beat her boyfriend down in front of her; I'd probably just stand there taking blows until he's exhausted and then let him walk off after getting nowhere.

 

[sapito318]

From what she says, he'd just dump her for letting me get too close.

Also he can hit me all he wants, he won't be able to hurt me. Hell, I don't really want to beat her boyfriend down in front of her; I'd probably just stand there taking blows until he's exhausted and then let him walk off after getting nowhere.

Now that's funny.

Get a grip dude.

 

[Luc]

I think you got your answer up here but I'll repeat it if you missed it!

Walk away! Forget about this! The only thing that you will get is troubles. No matter how big the smile, the trouble will be yours. Turn around, switch bar, move to a new hang out place. Talk to someone else that will, hopefully, won't be as much troubles!

Getting beat up in the alley isn't the solution to anything!

 

[Baloosh]

I'm starting to smell a troll.

I refuse to believe that anyone is this pathetic.

 

[bluefoxicy]

Now that's funny.

Get a grip dude.

*shrug* I've been beat down before. I've walked away from it every time. I got enough of it in middle school, it's no different out here. I can defend myself if there's a real threat but why bother?

Why are we even still talking about this? It's obvious I don't handle... weird emotions very well anyway. I'm incapable of walking away and there's no hope going forward but I'm still trying. What a ridiculous mess.

This is so useless.

 

[Muirtach]

Why are we even still talking about this? It's obvious I don't handle... weird emotions very well anyway. I'm incapable of walking away and there's no hope going forward but I'm still trying. What a ridiculous mess.

This is so useless.

Yes, it is useless. People have been giving you advice in a number of different directions and it seems you are only listening to the words that you want to hear. Even when the intent is not the same.

You can either walk away or put your cards fully on the table and be prepared for the almost inevitable goodbye. Do not play games with her. Do not let her play games with you.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y[/YOUTUBE]
Apologies if the language offends anyone, but it seems quite fitting.

 

[Unknownsoldier]

Umm, take two aspirin and call me in the morning?

More like take two sisters............ then update your FB page in the morning

Tom

 

[AlienorBelle]

I'm surprised that none of the other women on the forum have given their .02. We ARE out here, you know?

My advice: This girl, I hesitate to use to word lady, knows exactly what's she's doing to you. She knows that you're inexperienced and using it to her advantage to boost up her already inflated vanity. She's leading you on for her own amusement, whether she even realizes that's what it is or not. There are names for women like that, but I'm too polite to use them.

Get out of there. You'll only find misery and heartache.

There's plenty of other fish in the sea, cut bait and find another pier.

 

[RicTic]

*shrug* I've been beat down before. I've walked away from it every time. I got enough of it in middle school, it's no different out here. I can defend myself if there's a real threat but why bother?

Why are we even still talking about this? It's obvious I don't handle... weird emotions very well anyway. I'm incapable of walking away and there's no hope going forward but I'm still trying. What a ridiculous mess.

This is so useless.

Looks to me like you've had some good advice.
You seem determined to learn the hard way...pity.

 

[bluefoxicy]

Yes, it is useless. People have been giving you advice in a number of different directions and it seems you are only listening to the words that you want to hear. Even when the intent is not the same.

You can either walk away or put your cards fully on the table and be prepared for the almost inevitable goodbye. Do not play games with her. Do not let her play games with you.

Truth.

I've already told her flat out what I'm after. I'm not sure what she's trying to do, I can't determine that too easily, situation is too complex. She might just like the attention, she might have fallen hard for me and think she's tied down with the house and all, she might just have settled in the friend zone, maybe she likes me a little but not that much, or maybe she's having boyfriend troubles and needs to feel like she has somewhere to go if it falls apart... who can say?

I'm completely unprepared for this. I tend to dislike life in general but this is... not manageable

Looks to me like you've had some good advice.
You seem determined to learn the hard way...pity.

I'm determined to lose in some other failure mode than giving up... it's not like I'm playing to lose, either; I'm not letting this go unless it's pried forcefully from my hands.

There's plenty of other fish in the sea, cut bait and find another pier.

I threw the whole rod away long ago. This wasn't supposed to happen. I don't do this kind of crap, I'm only ever supposed to be single :|

 

[arghblech]

They bought a house together. That's not a boyfriend she has. That's big trouble.

Yeah, I'm changing my previous advice to you based on this. Run screaming.

For god's sake get a grip on yourself.

Srsly, pull yourself together. Give the girl your phone number on a bev nap and tell her if she's ever single and wants to hook then give a call. After that you don't give her any more attention than any other woman you meet. Professional courtesy is all she get's after that.

You should also consider getting some therapy.

 

[AlienorBelle]

:|

Seriously, darlin', not to be Debbie Downer, but even IF her affections for you are valid, she's got more baggage than LAX and you need to run screaming for the hills. There is only one way for this to end, and that is badly.

 

[Gruder]

I went home, cried for a while, had a headache all day from crying too much, slept it off... I'm only still here because I didn't have a cyanide tube to inject myself with at the time (I REALLY crack under pressure easy)... and next week I'll take things a little lighter. She didn't push back under the pressure and I'm going to keep pushing, but I think that's enough for right now and I can ease up a little.

I say this with nothing but respect and caring in mind -- an internet forum is not the place to seek the help you appear to need. It's fun to play "what if" with total strangers online, but this may well be doing you more harm than good. Please take this issue up with trusted friends, family members, and/or professionals near you. I wish you well.

I'm locking this thread.