That's what he did. My dad shaped my life. He instilled his values, compassion and most of all his courage. As a career firefighter he chose to willingly go into burning buldings.
The previous week began with being put to the test. Can I walk a firery cancer road and walk back out?
Last Monday morning (2/15), I found the dreaded lump. It wasn't there Sunday. A classic symptom for IBC, a lump that seemingly appears overnight. It doesn't show up early on mammogram but that's another subject.
The next morning, I was in the office of my internest. From his office I was sent for a mammogram and then a ultrasound.
Wednesday was numerous phone calls.
Thursday more doctor appointments and testing. Result: Wait for the entire weekend.
It was the longest weekend I can remember. Even with the love and support of my adult children, brothers, family and friends that are also my family, the minutes ticked by slowly like hours.
That I was alone beat me up worse than if someone had taken a 2x4 or baseball bat and beat me with it. I spent the weekend keeping as busy as I could in my shop, doing what I love, making product.
With the long weekend wait behind me, my doctor called with the results of the breast/lymph node biopsies: positive for malignancy.
Today was a full body bone scan with contrast and a full body CT also with contrast to look for involvement elsewhere.
This Thursday afternooon, I will know the remainer of the treatment plan which now includes mastectomy and removal of at least 4 lymph nodes.
Chemo, radiation, either one or both, are still undecided until full results of the above and two other test relults are known.
How am I doing? I am still reeling, my mind running redline rpm's. I think often I wish I could cry in the arms of my husband. I'm not a wimp, I can do this; I tell myself. My faith is strong as ever. I will wake up tomorrow and take on the day. I will take each day as it comes and I will deal with it, one step at a time.
I regret the emotional pain this is causing in those that love me. I hope those that I love, know the depth of the love I have for them.
There are some that I love that I am unable to tell them for fear of being inappropriate. I hope they know how much they mean to me, and yes, love.
I pray that I will keep my faith and courage strong. In my mind and heart, I am holding both the hand of God in one hand and my dad's hand in the other.