Funeral fragrance etiquette?

[Renato1]

Not sure if I understand your post. Are you suggesting that a funeral is a good time to shake yourself free from the boring and tiresome routine of everyday life? To make waves? I think it's OK to leave funerals to the grieving and the heartbroken and save the fun for the Ren Faire.

I recollect a couple of funerals in the last 20 year which were totally dour. But most funerals I've attended have had either the priest, minister, celebrant, of persons delivering the eulogy saying things that made the people present laugh fondly at aspects or events in the deceased's life. Does this not occur where you live?
Regards,
Renato

 

[Obsessed]

I recollect a couple of funerals in the last 20 year which were totally dour. But most funerals I've attended have had either the priest, minister, celebrant, of persons delivering the eulogy saying things that made the people present laugh fondly at aspects or events in the deceased's life. Does this not occur where you live?
Regards,
Renato

Let me ask you this, and it's a serious not a snide question. Do you feel there are any circumstances in which it might be inappropriate to wear whatever fragrance you want in whatever amount you want?

 

[bmathe02]

Not sure if I understand your post. Are you suggesting that a funeral is a good time to shake yourself free from the boring and tiresome routine of everyday life? To make waves? I think it's OK to leave funerals to the grieving and the heartbroken and save the fun for the Ren Faire.

No. I'm saying one should not be boring and tiresome at all regardless of the situation or place. Just for perspective I am a young architect and in my experience you can design a space like an engineer and make an efficient box or you can think outside the said box. Maybe I'm wrong but I see me as right.

 

[Jawaburger]

Etiquette is to please other people, it is not to please yourself. There is nothing wrong with wearing fragrance at a funeral, just be considerate of others. The only harm I can see is over application. You don't want to choke other people with your smell.

 

[The Knize]

I think we are okay so far, but just a reminder that we all need to be careful to be respectful of the each other in our posts.

That means no trolling as well as no dissing others. I find that if I ever feel like I am rising to the bait in a post, making that post may not be a good idea!

Like I said, though, I think we are okay so far.


Rob

 

[jakespoppy]

I'm attending a wake/visitation (indoors) this evening and it got me thinking. Obviously, what juice to wear? But additionally, are there any general guidelines or points of etiquette to observe regarding fragrance use at such affairs? Almost immediately I decided there's nothing special or particular about it beyond the usual considerations for formal or semi-formal events, such as wearing whatever fragrance you choose in moderation. But then I went through my wardrobe and came up with a bunch that made me think twice, even if worn in moderation. For example, Bond No 9 Coney Island. Do I really want to smell like a sweet and salty margarita wit accents of chocolate, cinnamon and caramel (sounds aweful, I know, but you gotta try it!) when I'm surrounded by people going through one of the worst times of their lives? No, I don't. I imagine the same goes with most gourmands. Another one I have rervations about is Frapin L'Humaniste. It's kinda got a gin 'n' tonic thing going on, very light, airy, and summertimey. So that entire group/genre of light and fun summertime fragrances (e.g. Creed SMW, Bond Bleeker Street, Versace Man Eau Fraiche, etc.) is also up in the air. I don't know. What do you guys think about all this? I think I'll just go with old faithful Terre d'Hermes and be done with it. I was also thinking that many Montales and Amouages seem right for a funeral. I have common sense and can figure out what'll work and what won't, but I was just wondering what others think about this subject. Thanks.

I'd like to go back to the OP, as sometimes it's good to ask "Now, what were we talking about here? Oh yeah, KMN had a few questions...." KMN, it seems you answered most of your questions for yourself. You decided to treat fragrance selection for a funeral the same way you would treat fragrance selection for other formal or semi-formal events, wearing your selection in moderation, and giving a slight nod to those scents you consider appropriate based on your own common sense. I think those are all perfect answers for you. Apparently, some others share your views and would approach it the same way, and others have differeing views. Not surprising, considering how many times we've said "YMMV" rules when it comes to scents.

I would suggest we also allow that YMMV will apply to other aspects of our "style" selections, including what type of impression we want to make, in this case, at a funeral. Some will want to be very consertive and not wear anything that draws attention, whether it's flashy clothes or strong cologne. Others will feel differently, and will choose to be less conservative in their choices. Those who believe the consertive approach is appropriate will probalby feel those who feel otherwise are being disrepectful. Those who believe being less conservative and wearing strong cologne may be right for them! As with anything pertaining to style and scent, we make a choice every day as to how we want to present ourselves, and ultimately, the impression we make on others is on us.

In this case, KMN did ask for our opinions, and we've shared them. That's probably all we need to do here, since belaboring the discussion seems to be encouraging debate and seems to be veering towards "You're wrong, I'm right", which doesn't leave much room for YMMV, so I suggest we leave it at that.

 

[Renato1]

Let me ask you this, and it's a serious not a snide question. Do you feel there are any circumstances in which it might be inappropriate to wear whatever fragrance you want in whatever amount you want?

Yes, for example, when I may be sitting and waiting to see a Doctor in a crowded waiting room with people sitting either side of me for a considerable amount of time, I tend to wear something more subtle/not overpowering.
Regards,
Renato

 

[Schad]

I agree with a lot of what Renato says. I personally err on being discreet an under spraying but I respect the way Renato thinks.

 

[markdrennen]

Being previously employed in funeral service, I would use something that is not strong or pungent, while I was at work I wore Old spice and Polo etc, I never got a complaint from any family. It's all about the family and making them feel like you are there out of respect for the deceased, as long as it is not overbearing, I don't think the family will notice or say anything.

 

[Renato1]

Being previously employed in funeral service, I would use something that is not strong or pungent, while I was at work I wore Old spice and Polo etc, I never got a complaint from any family. It's all about the family and making them feel like you are there out of respect for the deceased, as long as it is not overbearing, I don't think the family will notice or say anything.

Very interesting perspective. Funeral staff are like everybody else in their desire to smell okay, and I'm pretty sure their clients would expect them to smell fresh and clean - which sometimes might be tricky, e.g. funeral services in hot un-airconditioned churches.
Regards,
Renato

 

[Renato1]

I agree with a lot of what Renato says. I personally err on being discreet an under spraying but I respect the way Renato thinks.

Thanks. I think a lot of the disagreement here rests on where we put the baseline for scent. Some people put it at zero, whereas I put it at the scent level associated with common aftershave balms and underarm antiperspirants (when first applied) that most people routinely wear. The amount I wear is a lot above the zero baseline, but very often isn't that far above the underarm antiperspirant baseline.
Regards,
Renato

 

[The Knize]

Thanks. I think a lot of the disagreement here rests on where we put the baseline for scent. Some people put it at zero, whereas I put it at the scent level associated with common aftershave balms and underarm antiperspirants (when first applied) that most people routinely wear. The amount I wear is a lot above the zero baseline, but very often isn't that far above the underarm antiperspirant baseline.
Regards,
Renato

I had not heard that previously, but I really like that as a rule of thumb. Good way to think about it, it seems to me.

 

[Renato1]

I had not heard that previously, but I really like that as a rule of thumb. Good way to think about it, it seems to me.

Thanks. I guess it's something that stood out to me as I had many work colleagues who put on Old Spice or Brut antiperspirant which stood out quite strongly for several hours every morning, and women doing the equivalent with their ones. I figured that was the norm, rather than zero scent being the norm.
Regards,
Renato

 

[thunder54]

Went to a funeral today. A family I go to church with their son passed away in his sleep last week while on his Mission to Salt Lake City. Anyway I wore Agua Lavanda Puig today just so it is not overpowering. Luckily no one wore anything too strong except some older lady who I think bathed in Chanel.

 

[The Knize]

Thanks. I guess it's something that stood out to me as I had many work colleagues who put on Old Spice or Brut antiperspirant which stood out quite strongly for several hours every morning, and women doing the equivalent with their ones. I figured that was the norm, rather than zero scent being the norm.
Regards,
Renato

Sure fits with my theory that a modern human being inherently smells (if not reeks on some level) of lots of stuff from deodorant, shampoo, handsoap, hairdessing, moisterizer, mouthwash, toothpaste, to laundry detergent, dry cleaning fluid, furniture polish, etc., and that having a really nice scent in there somewhere can't hurt and really is not often contributing anything overwhelming that should be objectionable. I do think that folks tend to acclimate to the rest of the odors. But in any event some low level of wearable scent really should not trigger allergy level reactions, for instance, in lots of people. This is coming from someone with lots of allergies, too! Anyway, I like that line of thinking as kind of a rule of thumb!

 

[GarrettReid]

I would say something aquatic, citrus or mint worn close to yourself would be a safe bet for smelling good, but not seductive.

 

[AudioNut]

I would go with one of two options...a very light aftershave or nothing at all.

It would mainly depend on the weather. Hot = light aftershave. Cold = nothing at all. To me, funerals are never a time to show off. While you must be presentable, being presentable doesn't mean showing off.

Just my 2cents.

 

[retturn2blades]

The dead can't smell...wear what you want.

For those in grief, I doubt your cologne is going to have any effect whatsoever...thinking so is a bit grandiose.

And if there's women around, their scents, perfumes, shampoos, will cover over most everything else.

 

[nwjs]

Sure fits with my theory that a modern human being inherently smells (if not reeks on some level) of lots of stuff from deodorant, shampoo, handsoap, hairdessing, moisterizer, mouthwash, toothpaste, to laundry detergent, dry cleaning fluid, furniture polish, etc.

Yeah but those scents are unnoticable after half an hour or so, unless you have the nose of a dog. That's a good thing imho, scents should be sniffed, not smelt. If you can notice something at arm's length distance, it's far too strong -- for any occasion (imho, again).

 

[Renato1]

Yeah but those scents are unnoticable after half an hour or so, unless you have the nose of a dog. That's a good thing imho, scents should be sniffed, not smelt. If you can notice something at arm's length distance, it's far too strong -- for any occasion (imho, again).

Antiperspirants are unnoticeable after half and hour?
When I was in Berlin they sold pretty much the same stuff as down here - and they last a lot longer than half an hour, and project a lot further than an arm's distance. The scents from Nivea for Men antiperspirants, as an example, last a good four hours and have decent projection.
I suspect that if your idea on scent application were enforced, all those Douglas stores along Kurfurstendamm would have to close down, and a whole floor of Ka De We too. (Note: Berlin is my favourite of the capitals I've visited in Europe).
Cheers,
Renato