The girl of my dreams tore my heart out.

[Seraphim]

I just saw this part of the OP's post:

...the girl I'd change every aspect of my life to please.

WARNING!
WARNING!
WARNING!

It is nigh impossible to change yourself even if YOU want to. To try and change for the accommodation of someone else is a recipe for disaster.

 

[dws]

Sounds like things just weren't meant to be, friend. I feel for ya. Broken hearts are the worst, but they mend and we eventually move on. Sorry for your news, though I've gotta say, get up and face the day. It's a new one and you'll never get that day back. Hoping your anxiety improves with a little solicited help on your part too. The sun hasn't stopped shining, the grass hasn't stopped growing and the world hasn't stopped turning. Cheers and chin up, pal.

dwsteen

 

[SOJA]

At 22, you still don't know your head from your buttock. Heck, you're still having schoolboy crushes on women. The "one" you speak of would have left you for another man years down the line if you married early.

Don't become fixated on finding the one so early. No one said you had to get married before 28-30. Yes, the dating pool gets smaller, but the stability of the individuals increases two-fold. You're going to have dozens of BS relationships before you meet your soulmate or whatever word they use these days.

 

[Eeyore]

My beautiful wife always says: "love yourself before you can love someone else, and all the rest will come". I think she is right.

Give it time ... tell yourself that you're worth it, and let the future have it's course!

Good luck!

 

[dws]

Maybe take a few and examine this simple question... Would the real girl of your dreams be the one that "tore your heart out"? Sounds more like girl of my nightmares, if you asked me. Relationships can and do fail. Young or old. Married for 7 month or married for 35 years. You're a 22 year old lad. Life ain't over. Some (most) have gone through this. Some have moved on, some have not. (By choice of their own). The thing to remember is to keep yourself happy in life. It's draining loving someone that doesn't want it in the end. It'll tear ya down if you don't get up, face the day and go continue your journey towards your happiness. I suggest that you don't resort to secluding yourself in a "bubble", especially not for what may conceivably be a blessing in disguise.

Onwards and upwards!

 

[Fiend606]

There was a previous thread here in the Barbershop discussing MWGTOW.

Seemed like more discussion of France and WWII than MGTOW.

 

[August West]

In times like those I'm reminded of what my senior drill instructor at Parris Island told us once a long time ago, "When you think you don't have anything left in you, you have to reach down deep inside, pull yourself up by your boot straps, and find the will, and a way, to keep moving on".

Good luck in your recovery.

My Drill said something similar that rhymed with crumb and rum.

To the OP: I assure you this will pass and don't discount the value of professional counseling if it is afforded.

You are worth it, man!

 

[mswofford]

I've seen beautiful women who seem to prefer their "bad boys" and there is no cure for them so don't even try. Your confidence is more important than anything; They spot that quickly. Just keep this in mind: One woman has only one vote with you not matter how attractive she is.

 

[Rockminer]

I think this guy says it best.

 

[bahomebrew]

As many have said, taking care of yourself is paramount. If you are incapable of that, you are incapable of a longstanding commitment. I think you should also evaluate why you are attracted to a woman who wants to be with people who don't treat her well. Women do grow and often realize they prefer substance to style, but you seem to be afflicted with the same issue, talking about how she is more beautiful than you. Beauty is not only skin deep, and when you can identify the virtues that make true beauty, i.e. truthful, kind, empathetic, hardworking, fill in your own, then you will be able to live better, and find those qualities in the people you surround yourself with. Good journey!

 

[Go West Young Man]

Women can create a reality distortion field that completely blinds you to what's actually happening, while everyone around dYou shakes their heads in amazement.

Congrats on breaking free, it'll only get better from here on.

 

[kevdogg329]

OP.

Lots of advice has been given here, but I want to share with you finding the RIGHT women is SOOOOOO worth it. The one jerking your chain around and sleeping around is NOT the one for you!!!

I thought like you did at that age, and I struggle with anxiety and self-worth. Now is the time to find out who you are, and not concern yourself in finding anyone. It hurts when your heart is ripped out and has the polka dance done on it with high heals, but I know that You can overcome this hurt, pain and the anxiety you have.

I just saw this part of the OP's post:




WARNING!
WARNING!
WARNING!

It is nigh impossible to change yourself even if YOU want to. To try and change for the accommodation of someone else is a recipe for disaster.

AMEN!!!! Don't change for a person. Trust me, I know.

 

[Agrippa]

Dastill,

I was wondering what you think of all this advise and is it helping?

 

[aldomarino]

the girl I'd change every aspect of my life to please.

There's your problem. In this life, you can't change yourself to try to become just what someone else wants. Anyway, it doesn't sound like this woman is sure of what she wants, anyway. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best. Imitation is suicide. All you can do is be yourself, and be your best self. This isn't easy, especially if you are alone. But it is all you can do. Be the best person you can be without her. But you've got a long time ahead of you. One thing for certain in this life is change. Sometimes you just have to hang in there till things break your way. One last thing...sometimes, if you really love someone, then you've just got to let them go free.

 

[Dastill93]

Dastill,

I was wondering what you think of all this advise and is it helping?

Hi mate, firstly I'd like to thank everyone, the support and advice has helped me out hugely, I wasn't in the best place the night I wrote this post as I'm sure most of you can probably imagine, after a few days I've really had chance to mull things over and the main thing that I'm always reminded is that she's not worth it, not to me at least, but since writing this I've had a few more personal problems within my family that I just can't discuss, so I've been away for a few days.

You guys have honestly made a world of difference and knowing so many of you have been through similar issues and situations has made me feel so much better, I'm coping much better than I ever expected I was going to. So thank you guys! You've made everything so much simpler for me to understand really!

 

[pmaster]

Been through some very rough time as well recently. Keep your head up, work on yourself, be the very best person you can be, get into shape, forcus on work, and learn from this. It may very well happen again, it may be very very much worst, but its part of the game, and I think its always worth playing nonetheless.
But yeah, the stats are not good and its hard to find someone with good values these days. However never ever be some girl's crutch, a LOT of them will use guys like this, so don't let it happen again. Best of luck, and keep busy!

 

[Terp61]

I think this guy says it best.

Our illustrious Senator who represents Minnesota. Sheesh.

 

[odioanonimo]

the right woman can be a worse addiction than opiates and cigarettes combined. Been there done that with all three, and the women kicked my ***. Sounds like your "friend" has bigger issues than you do. Good for you making that realization.

Get help with the anxiety. Get your self in order, stop looking for the woman of your dreams, and you will be surprised whenthe right person will just happen by.

By the way the "woman of your dreams" does not exist. The real ones are better.

You're 22. The high school girl of your dreams is something you see in movies. And she was never interested in you. Hard to hear, but it's true. Sadly there is no sugar coating this for you.
You were her emotional crutch. The nice guy who would make her feel good about herself. She has played you from day one.
Now that that's said. You now have all the power!!!
Enjoy your youth. Soon enough you will be tied down with family and a career!!
Believe me that special someone comes along when you least expect it.....
Take a few weeks, spend time with friends. If you drink, get just plastered at least once. Preferably with your dad!! If that's an option it's the best one. (When my fiance left me for another guy, my dad came over with a case of beer and said get some liquor out and let's get this on) there was no better healing then just getting bombed with him. Does getting drunk fix anything? Absolutely not....but crying on your dad's shoulder drunk as can be while you sob about what happened will!!
Next. Sign up on a free dating site! Even if you don't meet anyone special, you will see just how many very attractive women are out there and single and looking for a guy like you.

Best of luck! My Friday night bourbon will be a toast for you.

Women can create a reality distortion field that completely blinds you to what's actually happening, while everyone around dYou shakes their heads in amazement.

Congrats on breaking free, it'll only get better from here on.

There's your problem. In this life, you can't change yourself to try to become just what someone else wants. Anyway, it doesn't sound like this woman is sure of what she wants, anyway. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best. Imitation is suicide. All you can do is be yourself, and be your best self. This isn't easy, especially if you are alone. But it is all you can do. Be the best person you can be without her. But you've got a long time ahead of you. One thing for certain in this life is change. Sometimes you just have to hang in there till things break your way. One last thing...sometimes, if you really love someone, then you've just got to let them go free.

+1 on all counts

 

[matt267]

Hi mate, firstly I'd like to thank everyone, the support and advice has helped me out hugely, I wasn't in the best place the night I wrote this post as I'm sure most of you can probably imagine, after a few days I've really had chance to mull things over and the main thing that I'm always reminded is that she's not worth it, not to me at least, but since writing this I've had a few more personal problems within my family that I just can't discuss, so I've been away for a few days.

You guys have honestly made a world of difference and knowing so many of you have been through similar issues and situations has made me feel so much better, I'm coping much better than I ever expected I was going to. So thank you guys! You've made everything so much simpler for me to understand really!

Hang in there!!

 

[dpm802]

Sorry to hear about your troubles with this woman. I think its fairly safe to say We've All Been There, and Done That.

The one thing you don't want to do at this point is get all hung up on this and try and psychoanalyze the situation. You can spend the rest of your life playing an internal game of "What If" and thinking about different "Woulda / Coulda / Shoulda" endings.

Don't be surprised if another woman breaks your heart again like this in a few years. It is what it is. Time to move on, and keep pushing forward. You can't change the past. You CAN take action and make a better future for yourself, though.