I'm sorry this happened to you, but if she slept with a married man she wasn't the girl for you (or the girl of your dreams). As others have said, take some time to focus on yourself - get healthy, reconnect with your friends, dedicate yourself to your job/studies. If you aren't already seeing a therapist/psychiatrist for your anxiety, you may want to consider that. Best of luck.
The girl of my dreams tore my heart out.
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Hang in there man. Focus on getting better (emotionally and physically) and the rest will follow.
I used to suffer from it and I know anxiety is a struggle both to suffer from and overcome, especially when girls are involved. If you need to talk about it, PM me.
I used to suffer from it and I know anxiety is a struggle both to suffer from and overcome, especially when girls are involved. If you need to talk about it, PM me.
the right woman can be a worse addiction than opiates and cigarettes combined. Been there done that with all three, and the women kicked my ***. Sounds like your "friend" has bigger issues than you do. Good for you making that realization.
Get help with the anxiety. Get your self in order, stop looking for the woman of your dreams, and you will be surprised whenthe right person will just happen by.
By the way the "woman of your dreams" does not exist. The real ones are better.
Get help with the anxiety. Get your self in order, stop looking for the woman of your dreams, and you will be surprised whenthe right person will just happen by.
By the way the "woman of your dreams" does not exist. The real ones are better.
Wow! Congratulations, it sounds like you've grown a bit here. Hang tight because you have just passed your greatest hurdle. You just realized that you are more important than the fear and anxiety of losing what you prized so much.
I was a lot like you in my former years. Anxiety is tied in to being highly self-conscience. An when you are younger that self conscience makes you fear too many things that you will regret later. At your point probably the only thing more terrifying than asking a girl to date was the potential of being shot down.
I can honestly tell you that 30 years of additional experience has led me to believe I was doing myself the greatest harm in fearing so many things. I met and married a wonderful woman. We have been married over 30 years and have 4 wonderful kids.
It's a battle getting over that fear and anxiety, but it does happen. You WILL reach a point where you look back and the important memories will have been little victories over those fears.
I was a lot like you in my former years. Anxiety is tied in to being highly self-conscience. An when you are younger that self conscience makes you fear too many things that you will regret later. At your point probably the only thing more terrifying than asking a girl to date was the potential of being shot down.
I can honestly tell you that 30 years of additional experience has led me to believe I was doing myself the greatest harm in fearing so many things. I met and married a wonderful woman. We have been married over 30 years and have 4 wonderful kids.
It's a battle getting over that fear and anxiety, but it does happen. You WILL reach a point where you look back and the important memories will have been little victories over those fears.
It took a long disastrous marriage and the courage to walk away from it. That I have found the woman that taught me what real love is.
The right woman will walk into life unexpectedly you will know it is right.
The right woman will walk into life unexpectedly you will know it is right.
At 22, there's lots of time to figure it all out. And like others stated, never marry, and never chase a girl. If you need to convince them, that means you're only trying to convince yourself too. If they want it, they'll come.
To the OP, I know where you've been. I'm not a pop-psychology kind of guy, but you were in the 'friend zone.' If you are interested in a woman, you need to make those intentions known, and not simply do nice things for her and be available to talk. Anxiety doesn't help. As much as it sucks now, you will get over it, learn from it, and then, one day, meet a beautiful woman who knocks your socks off, and something else will go wrong. Lather, rinse, repeat. I know the drill very, very well. I'm sure you will at some point meet THE woman of your dreams, and she will snap you up because you are a sensitive, thoughtful guy who cares, and all the others will disappear and you will never think about them again. Doesn't help the hurt now, but as my dad says, "The cure for a woman is another woman!"
I think we are giving you good advise but you have to consider that women change over time and what they are looking for at age 20 changes dramatically as they find out what they really want. It takes time for people to find themselves and values that will last a lifetime. So don't worry women who look for a good looking guy that has little feeling for others learn that this is not the type of person they want to live with. The best advise I can give you is to not give up and try to be the best person you can. You will find someone that will make you happy. At your age I felt the same way but I did finally find the perfect woman and we have been happily married for 35 years. So don't give up things get better with age.
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It takes two to tango.
She sounds like a slag, mate. "Time to stop being pushed around" is right. Move on and stay tough.
Married 38 years. Ups and downs, but it has been worth it. Good dames are out there, be patient.
Being the shoulder she can cry on is one thing . . . allowing her to devastate you in this manner is quite another. As others have said, you need to take care of YOU. Second to that comes the notion of being a "good friend" to this girl. You cannot be that good friend if you are emotionally distraught over what she is doing.
I met my (eventual) wife while she was engaged to an emotionally abusive SOB. Our relationship started out as just being someone she could talk to, who would listen to her and give her objective advice. I was not interested in her in "that way" when we first met. Over time, our conversations progressed to the point where she realized she needed to dump her fiancé. She did that, and we talked about things until she got through the turmoil. At that point things started moving in the direction of the two of us becoming a couple. There were a LOT of headaches, as she was very distrusting of the notion of another committed relationship. Things got bad enough that she gave back the engagement ring. It took some time for her to realize the mistake, and more than a few, "Are you NUTS?" conversations with her girlfriends but, a year later she asked for it back, and we have now been married for 20 years, with a wonderful daughter.
The point I am trying to make is this. If you are NOT going to cut this girl out of your life, then you need to do two things:
The first is to come clean to this girl about your feelings for her. The worst thing that can happen is that she rejects those feelings. Having said that, if you DON'T say anything, it's the same as being rejected anyways, so what do you have to lose? Now, I am not saying that you just blurt out "I love you" the next time you see her. but you can steer the conversations in that direction, to the point where it is just part of the conversation.
The second thing you need to do is prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection. You can do this buy accepting the "already got 'no' for an answer" mantra. In other words, recognize that you have no romantic relationship with this girl, and that the only possibility resulting from step 1 is a positive one. Either she says "yes" (yay) or she says "no". Saying "no" changes NOTHING for you as it only means that the status quo is maintained and she will continue to make bad choices romantically. You are no worse off after a rejection than you are right now, and need to recognize that.
Forcing yourself to focus on those two points may help you anxiety . . . it will certainly put your relationship with this girl into a firmer perspective for you and allow you to move forward, regardless of the outcome.
You are stronger than you might think. You just need to find the path that allows you to recognize that strength.
I met my (eventual) wife while she was engaged to an emotionally abusive SOB. Our relationship started out as just being someone she could talk to, who would listen to her and give her objective advice. I was not interested in her in "that way" when we first met. Over time, our conversations progressed to the point where she realized she needed to dump her fiancé. She did that, and we talked about things until she got through the turmoil. At that point things started moving in the direction of the two of us becoming a couple. There were a LOT of headaches, as she was very distrusting of the notion of another committed relationship. Things got bad enough that she gave back the engagement ring. It took some time for her to realize the mistake, and more than a few, "Are you NUTS?" conversations with her girlfriends but, a year later she asked for it back, and we have now been married for 20 years, with a wonderful daughter.
The point I am trying to make is this. If you are NOT going to cut this girl out of your life, then you need to do two things:
The first is to come clean to this girl about your feelings for her. The worst thing that can happen is that she rejects those feelings. Having said that, if you DON'T say anything, it's the same as being rejected anyways, so what do you have to lose? Now, I am not saying that you just blurt out "I love you" the next time you see her. but you can steer the conversations in that direction, to the point where it is just part of the conversation.
The second thing you need to do is prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection. You can do this buy accepting the "already got 'no' for an answer" mantra. In other words, recognize that you have no romantic relationship with this girl, and that the only possibility resulting from step 1 is a positive one. Either she says "yes" (yay) or she says "no". Saying "no" changes NOTHING for you as it only means that the status quo is maintained and she will continue to make bad choices romantically. You are no worse off after a rejection than you are right now, and need to recognize that.
Forcing yourself to focus on those two points may help you anxiety . . . it will certainly put your relationship with this girl into a firmer perspective for you and allow you to move forward, regardless of the outcome.
You are stronger than you might think. You just need to find the path that allows you to recognize that strength.
Walk it off.
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Us old guys remember what it was like being young.
No, really, we do.
No matter how completely obsessed, thinking-about-her-every-minute nuts, absolutely convinced she's the greatest gal in the world for you ... ... that feeling will pass. Maybe it happens to you again later with another girl ... that will pass, too. Se, we're glad to hear you say this:
Because now it's time to ...
No, really, we do.
No matter how completely obsessed, thinking-about-her-every-minute nuts, absolutely convinced she's the greatest gal in the world for you ... ... that feeling will pass. Maybe it happens to you again later with another girl ... that will pass, too. Se, we're glad to hear you say this:
Because now it's time to ...
Good advice in here and I probably can't add anything profound to it.
Any of us who have lived a while have probably been through something similar so you're not the first and you won't be the last. For me, knowing that others have made it through what I'm going through makes me realize I can do it too. Hopefully that helps you as well.
You live and learn, so learn from this. This girl obviously has no self-respect. You can't count on anyone with no self-respect to respect you. You get to pick your friends so pick people who respect you.
Any of us who have lived a while have probably been through something similar so you're not the first and you won't be the last. For me, knowing that others have made it through what I'm going through makes me realize I can do it too. Hopefully that helps you as well.
You live and learn, so learn from this. This girl obviously has no self-respect. You can't count on anyone with no self-respect to respect you. You get to pick your friends so pick people who respect you.
