So guys, I've taken some time away from B&B as of late due to personal issues, after spending my time feeling so pathetic and useless I wanted to share my story..
I'm 22 years old as of 3 days ago, in that time I've met a few great people but one of them was a female, we met probably 6 years ago? And I knew then that I felt for her more than just a friend, it was also around that time it became obvious I had some issues, and I was diagnosed with Aniexty, which as many of you know is a pretty common thing, but it means I struggle with a lot of day to day things, even just talking to people in person or eating in public terrifies me more than you'd think possible, because of this I've let 6 years slip by, and watched her in and out of relationships with the wrong guys, the type of guys you'd like to beat the blunt end of a bat for the way they treat women, and for 6 years the outcome was always the same, she'll contact me, we'll talk and then all will be forgotten when she goes back there in a week or two.
So I thought I'd become accustomed to this routine, and I knew where I stood, until recently, when she left her boyfriend, became extremely talkative and was acting like maybe, just maybe, the little guy over here would finally get his shot, I mean she's gorgeous, the type of girl that lights up a room when she walks in, and I'm well.. Not. So I was well aware this was a long shot before going in (funnily it never makes it hurt any less though?) that was until today, today she told me she had slept with a married man. Now I don't know why that effected me so badly, maybe it's because I finally thought maybe I had a chance? Maybe it's because I'd secretly prayed there would be a chance? Maybe it's because my friends sleeping with a married man? I don't really think I can answer that, but for the first time in over 2 years I hit rock bottom, I had the worst Aniexty attack of my life, I contemplated ways out, I thought long and hard about life, I lay here, in my bed, curled up into a ball crying my eyes out, all over a woman? And then it hit me? The girl, the girl I've spent 6 years of my life chasing, the girl I'd walk half way round the world backwards for 30 second shot with, the girl I'd change every aspect of my life to please. Is not worth the time, so as I write this, I'm at a new stage in my life, and I'm sure I'll never fully get over this, and she'll never be gone for good, but guys, it's time to stop being pushed around.
Onwards and upwards
I'm 22 years old as of 3 days ago, in that time I've met a few great people but one of them was a female, we met probably 6 years ago? And I knew then that I felt for her more than just a friend, it was also around that time it became obvious I had some issues, and I was diagnosed with Aniexty, which as many of you know is a pretty common thing, but it means I struggle with a lot of day to day things, even just talking to people in person or eating in public terrifies me more than you'd think possible, because of this I've let 6 years slip by, and watched her in and out of relationships with the wrong guys, the type of guys you'd like to beat the blunt end of a bat for the way they treat women, and for 6 years the outcome was always the same, she'll contact me, we'll talk and then all will be forgotten when she goes back there in a week or two.
So I thought I'd become accustomed to this routine, and I knew where I stood, until recently, when she left her boyfriend, became extremely talkative and was acting like maybe, just maybe, the little guy over here would finally get his shot, I mean she's gorgeous, the type of girl that lights up a room when she walks in, and I'm well.. Not. So I was well aware this was a long shot before going in (funnily it never makes it hurt any less though?) that was until today, today she told me she had slept with a married man. Now I don't know why that effected me so badly, maybe it's because I finally thought maybe I had a chance? Maybe it's because I'd secretly prayed there would be a chance? Maybe it's because my friends sleeping with a married man? I don't really think I can answer that, but for the first time in over 2 years I hit rock bottom, I had the worst Aniexty attack of my life, I contemplated ways out, I thought long and hard about life, I lay here, in my bed, curled up into a ball crying my eyes out, all over a woman? And then it hit me? The girl, the girl I've spent 6 years of my life chasing, the girl I'd walk half way round the world backwards for 30 second shot with, the girl I'd change every aspect of my life to please. Is not worth the time, so as I write this, I'm at a new stage in my life, and I'm sure I'll never fully get over this, and she'll never be gone for good, but guys, it's time to stop being pushed around.
Onwards and upwards
