Heard this today

[Doug57]

Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife?

A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.

 

[ouch]

Werner Heisenberg is driving down the highway and get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg if he was aware of how fast he was going.
Heisenberg says no.
The cop replies, "You were going 108 miles per hour."
Heisenberg throws up his hands and says, "Great! Now I'm lost."

I hereby hand over my self bestowed title of "king of highbrow humor" to Phil.

Don't cry for me. I plan on keeping my title of "king of lowbrow humor" for the foreseeable future.

 

[luvmysuper]

The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.

 

[luvmysuper]

Okay, that one actually took me five or ten seconds to get. Nice!

An alternative to it is

Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium-Sodium --- Batman!

 

[luvmysuper]

What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association.

 

[luvmysuper]

There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.

 

[luvmysuper]

Two kittens are on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.

 

[luvmysuper]

A Biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right.
The statistician yells "We got him!"

 

[bosseb]

There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.

As a former DBA, after 16 years of extrapolating dirty and incomplete data sets:

 

[luvmysuper]

Two Chemists walk into a bar.
The first Chemist says "Give me some H2O."
The second Chemist says "I'll take some H2O too."
The second Chemist dies.

 

[luvmysuper]

Johnny was a Chemists son,
But Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.

 

[DrColossus11]

There are only 10 types of people, those who can read binary and those who can't.

 

[beginish]

Johnny was a Chemists son,
But Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.

You forgot to mention that Johnny had no sense of smell.

 

[the_edski]

Two kittens are on a sloped roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.

This is new to me, and I love it.

 

[YKMV]

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drink.
Descartes says "I think not", and disappears.

 

[emwolf]

I had to research the Heisenberg one, now my head hurts!

 

[the_edski]

I had to research the Heisenberg one, now my head hurts!

It can hurt twice now, I've heard an extended version

"Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now.""

 

[Haggises]

A group of protesters in front of a physics lab
“What do we want?”
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”
“Irrelevant.”

 

[Haggises]

Attention! Attention!

_NaCl_
NaOH

Spoiler

The base is under a salt!

 

[luvmysuper]

Attention! Attention!

_NaCl_
NaOH

Spoiler

The base is under a salt!

Good one!