Dignity and the Wet shave

[BigAlVista]

May 2, 2024
The New Normal

I’ve dealt with the 400+ emails that came in while I was gone and my work load is coming back to normal. The old rituals kick in…Up at 6:45. Wash and Shave. Check emails for emergencies. Breakfast. Work for 8 hours. Go for a nice walk with my wife. Work for another hour or two. Dinner. TV.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my life and I consider myself lucky. But having spent 30 years on the road as a consultant, I’m not sure I am completely comfortable in my new normal. There is a piece of me that misses the 4:45am Limos to La Guardia, the customer interactions, taking my teams to dinner, the thrill of closing a new deal, the working at all hours of the day or night during the week and sometimes weekends. The craziness of that existence made the moments with my loved ones, friends and hobbies dear to me.

I need to be mindful of not taking the joy of family, loved ones and friends for granted now that I am surrounded by them all week long.

I realized it had been three days since my last journal entry. I imagine this will be part of my new normal as well – carving out time for me in the middle of the work week. Since my last entry, I helped my younger son celebrated his 26th birthday, I helped my wife do her annual self-evaluation for work and I spoke to my parents every day.

I also did my own self-evaluation for work.

After being in the working world for over 40 years, what is there that I can say about myself that I have not already said? I like to think that I do good work, am reliable, profitable and am sought after for my expertise. I’ve generally received excellent feedback across my career. Like my daily rituals, my periodic evaluations have become something I need to be mindful of. While I am far from complacent, today’s world demands a type of periodic self-expression and self-justification I struggle with. Why do I need to regularly tell people how good I am or remind them of what I did for them. Should my work not speak for itself? I know the answer, but I don't love it.

And this, coming from someone who actually spends a good deal of time writing about his life and his feelings. I can only imagine how difficult such exercises are for others, less self-involved than I. My wife only has to do self-evaluations once per year. I have to help her every single time as she HATES talking or writing about herself. I have no problem writing about her, so maybe it's good that I am here to help.

I will say that my SOTD, and taking the time to consider and write about it, breaks up the repeating nature of each day. These past few days, I have been shaving with my La Faulx + with a Feather Pro blade. Outstanding shaves. Out of curiosity, I put one of those blades in my Hawk OC to do a comparison this morning. They are both excellent, not overly aggressive razors. But the difference between them is quite notable. While the La Faulx is a bit less aggressive than the Hawk, it can provide just as close a shave, though it does require a bit more touch up than the Hawk. The Hawk, on the other hand, did a superb job of clearing away the stubble quickly, but left my face a bit red. I’m sure I was pressing too hard, but still…Also, there is a good differential in balance between them. The Hawk has most of it’s head weight about a centimeter in front of the axis of the handle. That tends to pull the head more than with the La Faulx, whose handle balance is more closely aligned across the razor’s head. With the Hawk, I kept having to check the razor to see where the head was before bring the razor up to my face. Furthermore, the Ti handle that came with the Hawk was too slippery. I swapped it for a beautiful handle from Chiseled Face. While both are good razors and yield a good shave, there really is no comparison between the two. Winner by knockout - La Faulx +.

While I no long have the level of entropy I’ve come to expect in my daily existence, I am able to inject a bit of change and challenge in my morning routine. For now, that’s enough.

 

[APBinNCA]

While I am far from complacent, today’s world demands a type of periodic self-expression and self-justification I struggle with. Why do I need to regularly tell people how good I am or remind them of what I did for them. Should my work not speak for itself? I know the answer, but I don't love it.

I really hate reading this because it's part of this new feudal corporate culture where anybody that doesn't carry the weight of three should be replaced by one(worked three times harder). These CEOs are so focused on cutting cost to impress the shareholders that they don't care what originally made a company valuable: simple, dependable quality. Not constant "improvement" which is just doing things differently to justify their obscene rewards. I am not very old and I still remember when companies provided a service that somebody wanted and did that, with reasonable improvement along the way, for decades; you call them up and they will be there to support whatever they sold you.

Maybe I am bitter because I grew up with my Father working for a company that was doing everything right, or so it seemed, only to have financial difficulties in the early nineties which led to restructuring. This company was in aerospace and had juicy government contracts and was doing supposedly valuable work and yet somebody screwed this all up. They even tore down the very specialised facility they had shortly after my Father was relocated in order to sell the even more valuable land. I have very fond memories of visiting my Father at that facility and his job security seemed as durable as that building's construction. Sorry for the side track, your writing struck a chord with me. I am about to enter the corporate world myself and I go there carrying the baggage of my childhood and refuse to be lulled into believing anything they promise beyond what's in my contract; I will never trust them no matter how well they pretend to treat me. This is not the kind of employee/employer relationship that produces a healthy work environment, but it is the one these corporations have chosen based on their own behaviour. I will do my job and I will get everything out of it I am owed and will never place the company above myself or my family, they can... never mind! Thank you for your writing.

 

[BigAlVista]

I really hate reading this because it's part of this new feudal corporate culture where anybody that doesn't carry the weight of three should be replaced by one(worked three times harder). These CEOs are so focused on cutting cost to impress the shareholders that they don't care what originally made a company valuable: simple, dependable quality. Not constant "improvement" which is just doing things differently to justify their obscene rewards. I am not very old and I still remember when companies provided a service that somebody wanted and did that, with reasonable improvement along the way, for decades; you call them up and they will be there to support whatever they sold you.

Maybe I am bitter because I grew up with my Father working for a company that was doing everything right, or so it seemed, only to have financial difficulties in the early nineties which led to restructuring. This company was in aerospace and had juicy government contracts and was doing supposedly valuable work and yet somebody screwed this all up. They even tore down the very specialised facility they had shortly after my Father was relocated in order to sell the even more valuable land. I have very fond memories of visiting my Father at that facility and his job security seemed as durable as that building's construction. Sorry for the side track, your writing struck a chord with me. I am about to enter the corporate world myself and I go there carrying the baggage of my childhood and refuse to be lulled into believing anything they promise beyond what's in my contract; I will never trust them no matter how well they pretend to treat me. This is not the kind of employee/employer relationship that produces a healthy work environment, but it is the one these corporations have chosen based on their own behaviour. I will do my job and I will get everything out of it I am owed and will never place the company above myself or my family, they can... never mind! Thank you for your writing.

Corporate life can be tough like that. I am lucky enough to be working for one of the large accounting and consulting firms that has a well earned reputation for employee satisfaction. As someone in his early 60s, I find the every-4-month-review cycle silly. The role I'm in now is what i would call my pre-retirement job. I'm not looking for major changes. Multiple reviews, for me, is not necessary. That said, most of my younger colleagues appreciate the chance for advancement multiple times/year - and advancement absolutely happens to those that demonstrate the needed skills (selling, delivering, managing).

Of course there are layoffs from time to time and the impact those have on peoples lives is often profound. That's a fact of life in every free market economy. I have been fortunate enough to have dodged those bullets in recent years, but a number of active members of this forum are dealing with that now. I complain about performance reviews, but honestly, I should be thankful that I have been spared the hardship of having to dig into life savings to pay the mortgage. Or the car payments. Or food.

When I was growing up, we had a family business started by my great grandfather. He passed the torch to my grandfather - a successful business man that turned a small business of buying and selling scrap pipe into an international firm specializing in commercial pipe, valves and fittings fabrication and sales. As a man in his early twenties, he incorporated the firm and gave 25% of the stock to each of his three siblings, leaving 25% to himself. 60 years later, the descendents of those siblings sold the firm out from under him in a classic early 1980s LBO. The new owners ran the firm into the ground within 2 years and over a thousand people lost their livelihoods.

While corporate America certainly makes mistakes, such errors are not limited to corporate employees. The average IQ is 100. Over half the people we interact with suffer from the double digit IQ challenge, and such people find their way into all walks of life.

It is what it is. We need to apply the smarts we have to stay ahead of those that would do us harm, either through incompetence or greed.

 

[Guido75]

Excellent storytelling Mark. Loved every detail of it.

The craziness of that existence

I can totally relate (I work in the same field) but I had to learn the hard way that there is more to life than that. I remember a talk with one of my senior partners mentioned a conference where a key note speaker talked about the regrets of the dying. And then he looked at me and said never to lose sight of my loved ones. I admit I occasionally still do when I am in work hermit mode, but I have always remembered that talk because he said it with total conviction (I later on learned he was going through divorce).

Why do I need to regularly tell people how good I am or remind them of what I did for them. Should my work not speak for itself? I know the answer, but I don't love it.

Here today gone tomorrow. Looking at the picture rather than the entire movie. Yep.

Have a great weekend!

Guido

 

[BigAlVista]

Excellent storytelling Mark. Loved every detail of it.


I can totally relate (I work in the same field) but I had to learn the hard way that there is more to life than that. I remember a talk with one of my senior partners mentioned a conference where a key note speaker talked about the regrets of the dying. And then he looked at me and said never to lose sight of my loved ones. I admit I occasionally still do when I am in work hermit mode, but I have always remembered that talk because he said it with total conviction (I later on learned he was going through divorce).

Here today gone tomorrow. Looking at the picture rather than the entire movie. Yep.

Have a great weekend!

Guido

You too, Guido. Thx.

 

[huck1680]

Absolutely, my trip back to Calgary underlined some of those important aspects of life that can slide by without notice and become under valued and underused. I also worked for a few companies that were great at one time and then through arrogance, short sightedness, hubris and just plain stupidity morphed into clearly different versions of what had originally been imagined and implemented.

 

[BigAlVista]

May 7, 2024
Mother’s day

You’d have thunk that I would have learned. Nope. When it comes to family, I’m just a sucker.

A couple of weeks back, I wanted to see the family together, only to end up with a big ‘ole container of brisket with nobody there to eat it. We just finished that brisket two day’s ago. With the memory of the failed family dinner still fresh in my head, I watch as the whole pattern repeats itself for Mother’s day.

A few months back, my mother wanted to invite me and my sister (from Florida) and the grand kids to have dinner with them at their club. Wonderful. She sent the invite to the people she wanted there. She did not invite the future in-laws and my wife couldn’t come, because she works on Sunday. My older son won’t come because his fiancé’s parents are in town and he wants to celebrate with them. So, I get to spend mother’s day with my mother and one of my son’s, but not with the mother of my children nor one of my kids. I mentioned this to my mom, but she didn’t want to go crazy and have to pay for a huge party. I offered to help. Not an option. She would not take my money. Awesome.

Spin the clock forward a couple of weeks and my mom gets covid. She panics and decides not to take everyone out to a packed dining room that had over 200 confirmed attendees under one roof. She would have the get together at her house. How my 81-year-old mother is going to be able to do this without help from my 89-year-old father is beyond me. I’ll come back to this point in a minute.

Everyone’s plans are now set in stone for Sunday. My son and his Fiancé will be entertaining her parents, my wife will be working, I’ll be at the range Sunday morning then will pick up my other son and take him to my parent’s house where my sister will already be, having flown up from Florida. Her son from Boston will be driving down, and her son in NYC will take the train up, with his wife. My younger son and I will leave the party early so that we can spend some time with my wife, when she get’s back from work. I’m already exhausted.

So what do I do? I invite my older son, his fiancé and her parents to my house on Saturday so that I can celebrate Mother’s day early with my wife, my kids and the future in-laws. It being mother’s day, I will take care of the food and drinks so that my wife can relax. Somehow, that never seems to work out. I’m sure my wife will be exhausted by the time she hits the bed, despite any efforts I make. I feel I should invite my mom and dad, as well as my sister and her clan to my house on Saturday, but if I did that, my wife would want to punch me in the face. After all the care and attention I give that face, I think I’ll pass.

So two mother’s days it is. There is only one missing piece…The one when my mother calls to ask me to ‘help out’ on Sunday because pop and she can’t do it without me.

For Father’s day, I’m just going to open my house to the whole clan and order in from McDonalds. Does Mickey D’s do Tequila?

This week’s shaves:

The past few shaves been back and forth duels between the Hawk OC and the LaFaulx +. While I think the LaFaulx is definitely a superior razor in every way, I’m still enjoying the Hawk, provided I use it with a light touch.

I’m also really enjoying my brushes. I have 5 each of synthetics, 2-band badger and 3-band badger. I’m generally using the synthetics with my creams (Art of Shaving and Body Shop), the 3-bands with my croaps (A&E, Katie’s Bubbles, Grooming Dept., B&M, Captain’s Choice) and the 2-bands with the refined soaps (SV, PdP, D.R Harris, Tabac, MWF). I find the morning ritual of slathering over my face like as though it were a waffle getting coated with whip cream relaxing and luxuriating. I definitely want to avoid getting punched there.

 

[BigAlVista]

OK, I didn't think this would need to be said, but i see a few "wow" emogis. My wife would *never* punch me in the face. She would give me the "It's fine!" treatment. That is to say, she would tell me that what I did was absolutely fine, but would say it in a voice that made it clear she was absolutely furious. Then she would give me the silent treatment for an hour.

Besides, a shot to the face would leave marks that people might ask questions about.

She's a very private person.

 

[cajunrph]

OK, I didn't think this would need to be said, but i see a few "wow" emogis. My wife would *never* punch me in the face. She would give me the "It's fine!" treatment. That is to say, she would tell me that what I did was absolutely fine, but would say it in a voice that made it clear she was absolutely furious. Then she would give me the silent treatment for an hour.

Besides, a shot to the face would leave marks that people might ask questions about.

She's a very private person.

I didn't figure she'd pop you one, but ya never know so stay out of arms reach, float like a butterfly, no stinging like a bee or you'd be in big trouble. Haha.

Good luck with the Mother's Day events.

 

[huck1680]

Yeah, good luck...it sounds like you're gonna need it.

 

[Balin]

My Wow emoji was for how busy your weekend will be.

 

[BigAlVista]

You are right on that. Freudian slip on my part.

 

[BigAlVista]

May 7, 2024
Mother’s day

You’d have thunk that I would have learned. Nope. When it comes to family, I’m just a sucker.

A couple of weeks back, I wanted to see the family together, only to end up with a big ‘ole container of brisket with nobody there to eat it. We just finished that brisket two day’s ago. With the memory of the failed family dinner still fresh in my head, I watch as the whole pattern repeats itself for Mother’s day.

A few months back, my mother wanted to invite me and my sister (from Florida) and the grand kids to have dinner with them at their club. Wonderful. She sent the invite to the people she wanted there. She did not invite the future in-laws and my wife couldn’t come, because she works on Sunday. My older son won’t come because his fiancé’s parents are in town and he wants to celebrate with them. So, I get to spend mother’s day with my mother and one of my son’s, but not with the mother of my children nor one of my kids. I mentioned this to my mom, but she didn’t want to go crazy and have to pay for a huge party. I offered to help. Not an option. She would not take my money. Awesome.

Spin the clock forward a couple of weeks and my mom gets covid. She panics and decides not to take everyone out to a packed dining room that had over 200 confirmed attendees under one roof. She would have the get together at her house. How my 81-year-old mother is going to be able to do this without help from my 89-year-old father is beyond me. I’ll come back to this point in a minute.

Everyone’s plans are now set in stone for Sunday. My son and his Fiancé will be entertaining her parents, my wife will be working, I’ll be at the range Sunday morning then will pick up my other son and take him to my parent’s house where my sister will already be, having flown up from Florida. Her son from Boston will be driving down, and her son in NYC will take the train up, with his wife. My younger son and I will leave the party early so that we can spend some time with my wife, when she get’s back from work. I’m already exhausted.

So what do I do? I invite my older son, his fiancé and her parents to my house on Saturday so that I can celebrate Mother’s day early with my wife, my kids and the future in-laws. It being mother’s day, I will take care of the food and drinks so that my wife can relax. Somehow, that never seems to work out. I’m sure my wife will be exhausted by the time she hits the bed, despite any efforts I make. I feel I should invite my mom and dad, as well as my sister and her clan to my house on Saturday, but if I did that, my wife would want to punch me in the face. After all the care and attention I give that face, I think I’ll pass.

So two mother’s days it is. There is only one missing piece…The one when my mother calls to ask me to ‘help out’ on Sunday because pop and she can’t do it without me.

For Father’s day, I’m just going to open my house to the whole clan and order in from McDonalds. Does Mickey D’s do Tequila?

This week’s shaves:

The past few shaves been back and forth duels between the Hawk OC and the LaFaulx +. While I think the LaFaulx is definitely a superior razor in every way, I’m still enjoying the Hawk, provided I use it with a light touch.

I’m also really enjoying my brushes. I have 5 each of synthetics, 2-band badger and 3-band badger. I’m generally using the synthetics with my creams (Art of Shaving and Body Shop), the 3-bands with my croaps (A&E, Katie’s Bubbles, Grooming Dept., B&M, Captain’s Choice) and the 2-bands with the refined soaps (SV, PdP, D.R Harris, Tabac, MWF). I find the morning ritual of slathering over my face like as though it were a waffle getting coated with whip cream relaxing and luxuriating. I definitely want to avoid getting punched there.

May 9th
Post script.

I have a dear old friend from college. Let's call him "Grimm". Over the years he struggled in business, he struggled with his kids, and he struggled with his marriage. Over those years, he established a close friendship with Johnny Walker. Too close. He ended up in the hospital with DTs and a struggling kidney (he only has 1) a few months back. It took the hospital over a week to detox him while he ranted from hallucinations.

He did not go to rehab and is still in denial. His girlfriend says she wants to help, but she has also suffered from an overly close relationship with Johnny's friend, Cabernet.

Neither of them will admit anything is wrong with their co-dependent situation.

Did I mention that she is a clinical psychologist? No?

Grimm and I have a mutual friend from college. We call him Bismark. Bismark lives in Switzerland and is coming with his girlfriend to visit this weekend. Grimm offered to put them up at his girlfriend's house tomorrow (Grimm lost his job, and his apartment was taken over by his underemployed sons, one of whom is my godson). Bismark would stay with Grimm and his GF; my wife and I would join them for swimming and BBQ Friday night. He put this plan in place a month ago.

Yesterday afternoon, I get a call from Grimm. He'd been drinking and his memory of the original plan was vague. He tells me that my wife and I should meet them all at some restaurant. I asked him about the BBQ. He had no recollection. Knowing that he, Bismark and their Girlfriends would be drinking, I suggested that the BBQ would be more fun as it would "give all of us a chance to reconnect without all the noise, hustle and bustle". I did not express the real reason...that I didn't want to be part of an event that would end up with an alcoholic behind the wheel of a car.

He and his GF said that "was a good idea" and that they would get back to me.

20 minutes later, he calls and says he's in a "bad place", that Bismark and his GF will be staying with me, and that he's not going to join us. My wife was with me, overheardand and starts yelling in the background (in her adorable Polish accent) "Absolutely Not!!!. We are not doing that. This Mother's day will already be a mad house".

Breathe. This will get better.

Knowing how things work, I paused and told Grimm "Let me get back to you". Later, I explained the plans we had to him, but he didn't understand why my wife was so upset. He made it sound as though I were being a bad friend.

I do not appreciate being gas lit, but held my tongue. I wanted to tell him to get his face out of the bottle, check himself into rehab and get a job. Instead, I just told him that we had plans and were unable to accommodate.

With slurred words, he replied, "we'll keep the plans as they were". I asked: "You mean the BBQ or the restaurant?".

He said he'd get back to me. I'm still waiting.

I decided to switch the base plate on my Hawk to the mild one this morning. I simply could not take any more irritation or aggression today.

 

[Phoenixkh]

I worked for my best friends brother years ago. I watched him go from a total non-drinker to a raging alcoholic in about 6 months. It was a horrible thing to witness. It’s affected his whole family over the years: all three children have struggled with it.

 

[huck1680]

Well, that's a large pail of not good there. I hate to say this but Grimm will not change. He has not accepted that he's an alcoholic. Would he go to an AA meeting? Sounds like probably not. His GF is not helping and is enabling the behaviour. Your friend Bismark and his GF would do better in a hotel. Grimm will always blame something/someone else for what's happening to him. It's starting to sound like he's suffering from "wet brain" and there's no coming back from that. That condition means permanent damage from alcohol. Now the hard part...you do have to tell him to get his act together. Stop drinking, rehab, work and re-join life. I hope he doesn't drive because something really bad is going to happen. It's a disease.
I'm really sorry about this...it's hard to watch someone whether family or friend slide downhill so badly.

 

[BigAlVista]

I worked for my best friends brother years ago. I watched him go from a total non-drinker to a raging alcoholic in about 6 months. It was a horrible thing to witness. It’s affected his whole family over the years: all three children have struggled with it.

Yep. It's awful. His absolute denial makes me so sad

 

[BigAlVista]

Well, that's a large pail of not good there. I hate to say this but Grimm will not change. He has not accepted that he's an alcoholic. Would he go to an AA meeting? Sounds like probably not. His GF is not helping and is enabling the behaviour. Your friend Bismark and his GF would do better in a hotel. Grimm will always blame something/someone else for what's happening to him. It's starting to sound like he's suffering from "wet brain" and there's no coming back from that. That condition means permanent damage from alcohol. Now the hard part...you do have to tell him to get his act together. Stop drinking, rehab, work and re-join life. I hope he doesn't drive because something really bad is going to happen. It's a disease.
I'm really sorry about this...it's hard to watch someone whether family or friend slide downhill so badly.

You are 110% right. Not for nothing, I've been telling him -for years-. His ex wife and kids wanted to do an intervention (but ultimately didn't). I read him the riot act at the hospital, and again afterwards. I told his kids (who are all over 21), that they needed to become self-reliant and I told them, in no uncertain terms, why. I even told them to start going to Alanon.

I am at the point where if I see him drinking, I'm going to stand up and leave. I'm probably going to do that tomorrow at the dinner table. When he orders or pours that drink, I'm going to stand up and tell everyone we are going home. The jaws will drop. Then, in no uncertain terms, and with much graphic detail, I'll explain that I will not participate in his self-anihilation, citing the imagery and events of the past 6 months. This will absolutely mortify him in front of Bismark, who is a hugely successful CEO that used to have two Gulf Streams on the ready for him (1 for Latin America work, one for Africa).

He'll hate me for it.

I can live with that.

 

[Darth Scandalous]

He'll hate me for it.

I can live with that.

Sometimes that's what it takes. Speaking from a variety of personal experiences that I won't delve into here.

 

[BigAlVista]

Sometimes that's what it takes. Speaking from a variety of personal experiences that I won't delve into here.

It's unfortunate, but many of us have such experience.

 

[cajunrph]

I am at the point where if I see him drinking, I'm going to stand up and leave.

It looks like you have a lot on your plate. Getting up and leaving may be the best thing you can do for him. We come to a point where we've done all we can, the next step is to let it go, and if you're the praying type, give it to Jesus to handle. Close the wagon circle and take care of your own. I'll be praying for you this weekend, mine seems simple in comparison, ribs and rewrite a poem. Haha.