Advice Needed on Justifying to Others Why I Shave Every Day (or when I feel like it)

[Tat2d Bald Dude]

So, does it sound like the issue is simply just that she knows that everyone else in her life blows her off, but since she sees that I haven't learned how to do that yet, I'm easy prey for her to try her mindgames on, since it looks (to her) like I'm the only one who is still gullable enough to let her get away with it?

 

[mmack66]

Apparently, the OP is not really the "Chairman of the Bathroom". Custom title to MIL.

 

[Tzar]

Well, this is a lively topic. Three pages on how to navigate through the MIL channel and I'm sure we haven't seen the last!

When my wife and I are staying with family - usually hers - I put shaving on the back burner for these reasons:

1.) It's a casual atmosphere. I only shave when we have an "event" to go to (nice dinner out, theater, etc.) where it is warranted. Daily shaving can wait until I'm at home again.

2.) Shared bathroom. Me and up to five females. 'Nuff said.

3.) Group activities can be cumbersome enough, so I make sure I'm showered, dressed and ready as quickly as possible.

Final note: If there are elderly relatives / friends in the group, they often get the "urge" very quickly and having to wait for the bathroom can be difficult for them.

That's a down-to-earth, no nonsense attitude about it. I like it.

I have skipped shaving sometimes when at the in-laws for some of these reasons. Didn't hurt too much, I'm still alive to prove it

 

[Tat2d Bald Dude]

Apparently, the OP is not really the "Chairman of the Bathroom". Custom title to MIL.

Just because a couple hundred posts can give me the moniker of "Shaving Expert" doesn't mean that I am one...

 

[r0ckrat]

Well, I'm coming in a little late, and didn't completely read the last page and a 1/2, so forgive me if this has already been brought up.

Here's my understanding of the issue, and a possible way of mitigating the circumstances...

The OP mentions the need for a shave, and the in laws say that the op "looks fine".

Now, the OP has to decide how far to push the issue. However, there is another tack he could take to go around the comments from the in laws: It's not about looks, it's about comfort. a response like "I know that you may not be able to see stubble on my chin, but I can feel it on my neck. It catches and pulls on the collar of my shirt and is uncomfortable to me. So if you don't mind, I'll just go get a quick shave, and will be much happier throughout the day."

 

[bobbyd]

I would just offer another perspective, and I could be wrong. My mom and my mother in law are both very interesting in their ability to deal with conflict, and their desires to control things. However, on several occasions I have found that they have been manipulative out of their desire to help/assist/make life easier for me.

So - try this theory on - perhaps your mother in law actually subscribes to the story that most men tell: "Shaving sucks." Maybe your father and brother in laws all hate shaving - so she is trying to spare you the undesirable experience. I could be wrong, but she may be attempting to "help you out".

Honestly I would hope that your wife's true allegiance lies with you - a house divided cannot stand - but there is some sense to keeping the peace. Your wife knows that no good can come of the conversation. Like when my MIL tried to tell me that lowering the thermostat to 58 when we were away put our pipes in jeopardy of freezing. Letting that conversation go was the best move I could make. "Just walk away man, it isn't worth it."

 

[Spade]

I think the best if u can live with your wife without your mother in law. if she talks in how often do you shave, she will talks in to other things as well.

 

[Tat2d Bald Dude]

I would just offer another perspective, and I could be wrong. My mom and my mother in law are both very interesting in their ability to deal with conflict, and their desires to control things. However, on several occasions I have found that they have been manipulative out of their desire to help/assist/make life easier for me.

So - try this theory on - perhaps your mother in law actually subscribes to the story that most men tell: "Shaving sucks." Maybe your father and brother in laws all hate shaving - so she is trying to spare you the undesirable experience. I could be wrong, but she may be attempting to "help you out".

Honestly I would hope that your wife's true allegiance lies with you - a house divided cannot stand - but there is some sense to keeping the peace. Your wife knows that no good can come of the conversation. Like when my MIL tried to tell me that lowering the thermostat to 58 when we were away put our pipes in jeopardy of freezing. Letting that conversation go was the best move I could make. "Just walk away man, it isn't worth it."

See, no offense, but I am confident that even my wife would tell you that my MIL isn't throwing the "You look fine. Don't shave" suggestion out there in the open because she's smart enough to know some guys don't like shaving. She's throwing it out there because, like I said earlier, I think she knows that I'm the one person who allows her to push their buttons. I don't know when she realized this, but I can bet you that the day that she did [realize it], she thought to herself "Hmmm...interesting. So, this move seems to work on him. Mental note for future reference: This guy she's (my wife) dating can be influenced by what I say".

And I see where your MIL is coming from with the thermostat at 58, but I've heard you actually have to let them get even colder than that (like, in the low-40's) before you have to watch it with the pipes freezing. My wife's sister puts her poor husband through that, by demanding that their house be kept at 57, all year, because "I get hot when it's at like 64 or 65!". My thought is always "Well, maybe if you didn't go about 250, 260 lbs., maybe 64 degrees wouldn't feel so damn hot to you!"

 

[richmondesi]

I've read this thread, and I have a hard time understanding what the issue is. It's none of her business. If it bothers you, that's a you problem. Tell her you're getting ready, shaving, whatever you want to say, and then leave and go do it. It's baffling to me that you let her push your buttons over this.

Maybe I'm missing some nuance in In-Law Relations, but my in-laws just don't jack with me (about anything). Good luck with this deal

 

[infotech]

Uhh, interesting thread to say the least.

This is your MIL we're talking about. I firmly believe in choosing your battles wisely. Personally, I would never announce to the family that "I'm going to shave" before we went out and did something. I would make sure I used the bathroom either after everyone was finished or before anyone even started. I would try doing something like another poster and pay attention to when others took their showers. I've even had water heated for me on the stove and I'd shave in my room...

I admit that I'm a pretty private person, though.

 

[tg16]

Great...so now you all think I'm a total headcase, huh? LOL!

Yeah, but we still need to deal with the MIL. It could be that she just happens to like to somewhat rugged look. It can be as sinister as you want and as innocent as you want. Its a matter of perception since you can't really read her mind.

 

[mmack66]

Just put a folded newspaper under your arm and announce that if anyone should be looking for you in the next 30-45 minutes, you will be in your office, and to hold all calls.

 

[OckhamsBlade]

Musolini (sp.?) and used a new DE razor blade everyday. When asked why he did he told the person to look at the busts of the Roman Emperor's. As the Empire was at its height, the leaders were clean shaven by the end bearded faces became the norm. So one could make the argument, as Musolini did, the decline of the Roman Empire is linked to the Emperor's facial hair.

 

[tg16]

This is a whole lot more fun than reading the political threads. You're not mentioning the father in law, so is she single? If so, and she looks ok, tell her you can fix her up. Other than being a manipulative cry baby, she's not crazy is she? How does she feel about Bacon and snow monkeys?

 

[The Nid Hog]

I'm a little late to the party too, Tat2d Bald Dude. I wish that i had some foolproof advice for you. Basically, I think that once you've got into a situation like this that you're uncomfortable with, it's pretty hard to get out again. I think that if you do want to get out of this, no more talking, asking or justifying. You just need to get up before anybody else in the house is in the bathroom and get the job done. If you're waiting until 1000, the game is already lost. The next time you visit, be in the kitchen with your face scraped and a pot of coffee going when the rest of the family is rolling out of bed. If I couldn't do that, I'd just shut up about the whole thing and not shave.

 

[The Nid Hog]

Just put a folded newspaper under your arm and announce that if anyone should be looking for you in the next 30-45 minutes, you will be in your office, and to hold all calls.

Are you going to roll it up and whack somebody if they give you any trouble?

 

[Tat2d Bald Dude]

This is a whole lot more fun than reading the political threads. You're not mentioning the father in law, so is she single? If so, and she looks ok, tell her you can fix her up.

My FIL has NEVER stuck his nose in my business like she does. Not even REMOTELY close. And I've seen how he interacts when she's hollering from the other side of the house at him. In a cool way-which if I knew how to pull off, wouldn't be having this problem with her-he just ignores her as if she's not even there. Well, not quite that. He's well aware that she's there hollering or crowing about something, but he doesn't give a s--t. I feel so sorry for him or any of the others when we're all watching a movie, and God Forbid someone gets up to go take a **** or get a drink of water. Every single time without fail...."Where ya' goin'?" She pulled that one on my once and I used a line that my dad used to use on me when I was a kid and asked the same question..."What are you? A cop? Ya' writing a book or somethin'?". I would say "Yes" and he would reply with "Well, why don't ya' leave this chapter out!"

The day I pulled that one on her, it shut her right up. Without any tears or anyone else in the room thinking "Wow, what an ***!" after I walked away.

 

[tg16]

.."What are you? A cop? Ya' writing a book or somethin'?". I would say "Yes" and he would reply with "Well, why don't ya' leave this chapter out!"

The day I pulled that one on her, it shut her right up. Without any tears or anyone else in the room thinking "Wow, what an ***!" after I walked away.

It seems you just answered the big question. Her nonsense requires an audience. Its not you and the best thing to do is ignore her. Go to the bathroom, do whatever and do it on your terms. Right now, everyone is probably relieved her attentions are on you.

 

[Tat2d Bald Dude]

Her nonsense requires an audience.

Meaning what? She knows that it gets a rise out of me and she likes to show the others in the room that there is actually someone who does take her crap? So, she's, like, showing off her "power trip skills"?

 

[40_Caliber]

Reading this thread has made me smile and given me horrid flashbacks. This situation seems a little like chess to me. Build your defenses, plan your strategy, and soon you'll find that you can push buttons too.

.40