Dealing with loss

Hello guys. It's been awhile since I've been on. I lost my family two months ago and have struggling every day since. It is my youngest son and myself now. My oldest and my wife were in a car accident with a drunk driver. I'm questioning life, God and our future. I don't want to be in my city anymore. I'm tired of having faith. I'm just sort of lost these days and what better than a bunch of strangers to vent to huh? I'm not sure why we are chosen to walk the paths we are, or if there is anything guiding our paths. I guess maybe one of you may have something encouraging to say, but I promise I've heard it all recently. I'm looking to move my son and myself to somewhere rural. Just get away from everything and try to be the best dad I can be.
Just thought I'd check in as I've had a few messages asking how I am and where I've been. Thanks for that,
Kable

I can't imagine the pain you are going through and don't really know if there is anything that can be said. But I say this cling to your faith and know that a fellow wet shaver in Missouri is praying for you and your son.

I lost my parents when I was in my teens. I'm in my mid 40s now. It gets easier as time goes on, but it's never been easy. The only thing you can do is try to rebuild your life. I got a tattoo to commemorate my parents, and I wish I would have gotten it a lot earlier. I helps me during the holidays because I don't feel guilty about not dwelling on them since they will be forever with me now. People deal with loss differently. Don't be too quick to saddle up. Grieving is a natural process that runs its own course. You will know when it's time to move on and look for a new family.

You must be strong for your son. His pain is greater than yours even if he can't show it.

I can say little else. Be there. Be strong. Be his dad

First of all kbull, I'm sorry... I realize it doesn't mean much coming from someone who doesn't know you, but I am... My name is Jeremy, what's yours?

I cannot fathom the questions you have or the grief and anger you have felt and/or are still feeling. I'm sure you don't want to be in your city anymore, I don't blame you, but maybe familiar surroundings is something your son needs, and maybe you too for a while. How old is your son (if you don't mind sharing) you didn't say?

Faith... Your tired of it? I can only imagine, but God didn't put you in this situation. He's not the puppet master some like to say he is, that doesn't even make sense. See, we have free will, all of us do, and some of us make decisions that impact others live, and sometimes the impact is great! So here's the thing, you have free will, and you have decisions to make that will impact your sons life. So you have to make the best decision you can make at this moment, and then the best decision you can make the next moment. Life is full of decisions that are made one moment at a time but string them together and they are life. I'm an anonymous nobody on the internet, just as you and everyone else is on here, but in real life you are everything to someone, your son. So I would encourage you to make the best decision you can at this moment, and then the next. Pretty soon an hour has past, the twelve, then twenty- four. An entire day has passed and you have made the best decisions you could make at the time and you are satisfied with it, and look forward to the day...

I'm sure I haven't said anything you haven't heard, but maybe it's a different spin and maybe something will ring with you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and take care of yourself and your son...

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. You're in all of our thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry for your loss. I also know you've heard those same words so many time now, they have, themselves, probably become just one more piece of what is an almost unbearable burden. When a loss cuts so deep there really are not words to reach to the depth of it. Just know that if I could carry the weight of just some of your sorrow for a while, I gladly would.

The more I try to think about a response, the more trite I sound in my own head. I'm very, very sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry. I can not imagine what you have been going through. I had a lump in my throat and my eyes welled up just reading that. there is nothing anyone can say to ease the pain...

feel free to PM me if you need to talk..or just want to reach out

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and pain. I'd be totally devastated if I were in your shoes. It's hard enough just reading your post. For what it's worth, I'm a licensed funeral director in Minnesota. I see grieving families everyday. I often wonder how people carry on after the funeral, and I think about that all the time, and certain difficult situations I learn about.

One word of advice, and I've heard this from some of the best grief professionals in the country, is don't make any big decisions for at least the first year after the loss of a loved one. That includes moving, re marriage, big purchases, job changes, etc. Everyone is different, but this is a general word of advice.

There is a man named Dr. Alan Wolfeldt who runs a grief center in Colorado. I've heard him speak a few times and he is by far the best professional regarding all thing loss and grief I've ever heard. You might research some of his wisdom and thoughts on the net.

Hang in there, and stay close to family.

Kbull. I don't know you personally but I have words of encouragement that you may not have heard. I was told this when I was younger and, in a strange way, it helped me out. Life's ****ty. There's a lot of long days, more pain than you thought possible and at times you're going to find it hard to get out of bed. But there's a lot more to the shoes you're wearing right now than the looks, brand and materials. There's a powerful message in your shoes. When you put them on you say to yourself, "I'm getting out of bed." You tell yourself you're going to move forward. You're going to take that next step. Damn the long days. Damn the pain. They happen. Life happens. **** happens. But THIS. This is happening right now. My shoes are on and I'm moving. That's happening. And right now, you're shoes are on for you and your son. Best wishes in finding the place you're looking for. And remember, he needs you more than ever. Never forget that.

My heart goes out to you and your son, be strong.

Kable,

I'm deeply sorry for your loss and, while it may not mean much, will keep you and your son in my prayers. I am in awe of your strength in this and your desire to be the best Dad possible.

Very sorry to hear about your loss. I can sympathize but I cannot truly understand how you must feel. Logically we can understand that accidents have random victims, even if the accident was caused by negligence. Over time I hope you can put your energy towards building a bright future for you and your son, as that will be the best way to honor them. My thoughts are with you and your son.

[SI=4]My condolences to you and your son. Be strong and keep your focus on raising your son not the pain and loss.[/S

Dear kbull, thanks for sharing with us. I am very close to being in your shoes and I understand. Grief is perfectly normal, but feels like an ache deep into your heart and stomach, tugging on your soul. A place of pain you didn't know existed until now. As mentioned above resist change at this time especially for your son(and you). Talk with your son about the good times you had with Mom and your oldest. Cry and laugh together.

Your Unknown friend,
Aaron

My deepest condolences on your loss. You and your son will be in my prayers. l lost a dear cousin and her fiancé to a drunk driver 22 years ago. You will heal in time though the scars on your heart remain.

Peace be with you. You're not alone.

Sorry, I'm so sorry.

Try to lean on some family or a support system if you have them. I am so sorry I couldn't imagine. Prayers are with you....