Being charged to do someone the honor of attending in support of their nuptials = crass, ridiculous, and evidence of seriously misplaced priorities. I would attend the ceremony if I thought it appropriate, but under no circumstances would I attend the reception.
Wedding Reception: Pay for Plate or Free?
- Thread starter TstebinsB
- Start date
I wasn't there. And if I was, you still owe me 50 bucks.
I've been to several weddings and this is the first time that I've heard of the expectation that guests help pay for the party. Especially at $200/plate. I once catered a wedding party for about 50 people. The cost of the food came to under $300 for that, and my charges on top of that were very resonable.
Guests should only be responsible for the gifts. If the couple or the bride's parents cannot afford the wedding, then that should be a clue that their plans are flawed. Have your Dad attend the ceremony and skip the reception.
This to me, is a HUGE issue today. People spend more on weddings and receptions than college educations. If you have it and that's what you want to spend it on, great! But for most people, this is completely out of control!
Ken
One thing I haven't seen mentioned in this thread is simply inviting less people to the reception while still having everyone over for the ceremony. Not the way I'm going to mention it anyway...
My wife and I were only invited to the ceremony and party of some friends, but not their dinner. I, along with several other people, was fuming mad we were only invited to half the event. After I had my little fit, my wife pointed out to me that at least we were invited. This couple wanted every single person they knew (200+) at their wedding, but they also knew there was no way they could afford to feed everyone so they just invited everyone to the ceremony, family to the dinner, and everyone else to the party after. Some people were mad, but in doing things this way everyone was able to attend and join the festivities without the couple having to ask for money.
For my wedding, we fed everybody and instead of asking for gifts asked for money for our honeymoon. People just dumped whatever they wanted into a box on the table (completely anonymous) and nobody had to stress about what to get us or even if they should get us anything. Anyone that had to travel to attend the event was told it was just enough for them to come. We had a great time with around 100 people and made about $3,000.
My wife and I were only invited to the ceremony and party of some friends, but not their dinner. I, along with several other people, was fuming mad we were only invited to half the event. After I had my little fit, my wife pointed out to me that at least we were invited. This couple wanted every single person they knew (200+) at their wedding, but they also knew there was no way they could afford to feed everyone so they just invited everyone to the ceremony, family to the dinner, and everyone else to the party after. Some people were mad, but in doing things this way everyone was able to attend and join the festivities without the couple having to ask for money.
For my wedding, we fed everybody and instead of asking for gifts asked for money for our honeymoon. People just dumped whatever they wanted into a box on the table (completely anonymous) and nobody had to stress about what to get us or even if they should get us anything. Anyone that had to travel to attend the event was told it was just enough for them to come. We had a great time with around 100 people and made about $3,000.
Pay for my plate? You're lucky if you can get me to pay attention.
Discussions regarding the etiquette of gifts has come up countless times in the past, but I honestly never even heard of someone expecting the guests to shoulder the burden. How far removed is this from my saying "Great big party at Ouch's this weekend- lobster and Latour. You're buying."?
I believe it's customary to consider the cost of the affair when calculating one's gift, but the reception itself is the "gift" of the parents to the lucky lady. I already know that I'll be in for a ton when the time comes (but I also carry a pair of bus tickets to Vegas and an envelope that will carry an as yet to be determined amount, just in case).
If the parents are poor, they should have a humble, simple affair that's within their means. Why should they get the chance to be "livin' large" on someone else's dime? That's absurd. It reminds me of the great P. J. O'Rourke's take of the four ways money can be spent-
1) You spend your own money on yourself. Both product and price matter. You want something good, but have to consider cost, so instead of the set of Ping golf clubs you settle for a decent knockoff.
2) You spend your money on someone else. Price still matters, but the product doesn't, so your brother in law gets a Deepak Chopra book for Xmas.
3) You spend someone else's money on yourself. Price is no object, and it's only the best for you. Another bottle of Dom, my good man.
4) You spend someone else's money on someone else. Who the hell cares what it costs, and who the hell cares what they get. This is government.
A person who can't afford to pay for an expensive affair has no business attending one, let alone throwing one and expecting others to pay.
Discussions regarding the etiquette of gifts has come up countless times in the past, but I honestly never even heard of someone expecting the guests to shoulder the burden. How far removed is this from my saying "Great big party at Ouch's this weekend- lobster and Latour. You're buying."?
I believe it's customary to consider the cost of the affair when calculating one's gift, but the reception itself is the "gift" of the parents to the lucky lady. I already know that I'll be in for a ton when the time comes (but I also carry a pair of bus tickets to Vegas and an envelope that will carry an as yet to be determined amount, just in case).
If the parents are poor, they should have a humble, simple affair that's within their means. Why should they get the chance to be "livin' large" on someone else's dime? That's absurd. It reminds me of the great P. J. O'Rourke's take of the four ways money can be spent-
1) You spend your own money on yourself. Both product and price matter. You want something good, but have to consider cost, so instead of the set of Ping golf clubs you settle for a decent knockoff.
2) You spend your money on someone else. Price still matters, but the product doesn't, so your brother in law gets a Deepak Chopra book for Xmas.
3) You spend someone else's money on yourself. Price is no object, and it's only the best for you. Another bottle of Dom, my good man.
4) You spend someone else's money on someone else. Who the hell cares what it costs, and who the hell cares what they get. This is government.
A person who can't afford to pay for an expensive affair has no business attending one, let alone throwing one and expecting others to pay.
My girl and I are getting married this weekend. We spent $6k on I, with a mountaint top service on the edge of a cliff and dinner at what is probably the best place around for large groups. About 75 people will attend. We are having a beautiful wedding, in my opinion (actually I think we went TOO fancy in a couple spots), and we could afford to pay cash for it. Family, a few close friends... We actually struggled to hit the 75 person minimum for the room (charge for 75 people if only 60 show up).
We expect nothing of our guests other than showing up. Sure, gifts are nice, don't get me wrong but you can't expect that you'll get money to offset ridiculous wedding expenses. We even told a couple friends who are struggling not to worry about anything.
To actually ask people for $ to attend you wedding is beyond tasteless, imo. If my future wife wanted a princess ball with 300 people and to charge them per plate, this wedding would never have happened. I couldn't allow such nonsense.
We expect nothing of our guests other than showing up. Sure, gifts are nice, don't get me wrong but you can't expect that you'll get money to offset ridiculous wedding expenses. We even told a couple friends who are struggling not to worry about anything.
To actually ask people for $ to attend you wedding is beyond tasteless, imo. If my future wife wanted a princess ball with 300 people and to charge them per plate, this wedding would never have happened. I couldn't allow such nonsense.
A very good friend of mine is getting married in October. He was talking with my wife and I about the things they're doing and it's insane. The wedding has skyrocketed to over $40k and keeps going. Neither of them are wealthy - he does CAD work and she is in school with a social working job. Neither family is wealthy, either. They're planning on spending $500/gift for the wedding party and there are 18 people or some such crap involved in that. ***? His bride to be is a selfish girl (even he admits this at times) and is getting everything she wants, but at what expense? Sure, her parents are footing a large part of the bill, but they will be starting off in a large debt that will be hard to pay down with their financial situation. It's bad enough that after the wedding they actually plan on moving in with a family member to save money.
I truly don't understand this mentality. My wife and I got married in a backyard (a beautiful one, granted) and had our reception in another. We spent maybe $6k on the whole affair and had an awesome time. Next time (hypothetically speaking) I'm doing Vegas.
I truly don't understand this mentality. My wife and I got married in a backyard (a beautiful one, granted) and had our reception in another. We spent maybe $6k on the whole affair and had an awesome time. Next time (hypothetically speaking) I'm doing Vegas.
Charging is tacky.
That said, I heard a comedy routine where the comic held the belief that the bride and groom should open the guest's gift at the start of the buffet line. If gift is good, let the person pick food from the deluxe table. If it is mediocre, give them a hotdog and fries. If it is cheap, give them a couple of ketchup packets and ask them to leave.
That said, I heard a comedy routine where the comic held the belief that the bride and groom should open the guest's gift at the start of the buffet line. If gift is good, let the person pick food from the deluxe table. If it is mediocre, give them a hotdog and fries. If it is cheap, give them a couple of ketchup packets and ask them to leave.
- Thread starter
- #50
I have never had any idea or even any inkling of an idea that anyone would ever dream of charging wedding reception attendees. And I am 57 years old and have been to quite a few weddings and receptions. This just boggles my mind. 
Tim
Tim
Chiming in again to second that people are to focused on the material when getting married. If you are rich fine, but princess for a day is crap. Ok princess for a day is fine maybe. But if you aint rich make it princess of some small Eastern European country no one has ever heard of.
My girl commented the other day that they actually rent wedding dresses and she thinks its a good idea. Doesn't see the point in spending so much on a dress she will wear once. Knew there was a reason I loved her
My girl commented the other day that they actually rent wedding dresses and she thinks its a good idea. Doesn't see the point in spending so much on a dress she will wear once. Knew there was a reason I loved her
You have a wedding only as big as you can afford. If you can't afford feeding people you trim your wedding down. This is a symptom of that 'living bigger than you really can' disease that many people have caught lately.
Good God, does that happen? I have never heard of such a thing. Allow me to be emphatic: tacky! Like many, many things in life there is a trade off between what you want and what you can have. For many, a larger wedding necessarially means less posh. It is simply shameless to ask others to bear the burden of your wedding reception.
40K for a wedding, or roughly 60K before taxes? If the bride left school and got a job with the intention of devoting the whole of her income to pay for the wedding, would she find a job which would pay for it in one year? Futhermore, where does 40K get you? One year of law school? A down payment on a modest house? A jumpstart at funding your IRA/401K?
40K for a wedding, or roughly 60K before taxes? If the bride left school and got a job with the intention of devoting the whole of her income to pay for the wedding, would she find a job which would pay for it in one year? Futhermore, where does 40K get you? One year of law school? A down payment on a modest house? A jumpstart at funding your IRA/401K?
You have got to be kidding? The guy should run as fast as he can. Marrying someone who wants to pretend they are rich is bound for failure. She must be a real peach.
The woman you marry should be willing to march into hell with you and if she will only wear Prada doing it, then sorry chap you are already there!
Later,
Richard
The woman you marry should be willing to march into hell with you and if she will only wear Prada doing it, then sorry chap you are already there!
Later,
Richard
M
modern man
200 bucks a plate???
Send them a get well soon card cuz I would kick someones butt if they asked me to pay that much for some left over beef.
Your wedding your bill.
You can't afford it then go to the Justice of the Peace until you can pay for a dream wedding.
I am from Pennsylvania, no shame in having the reception at a Hose Company.
Send them a get well soon card cuz I would kick someones butt if they asked me to pay that much for some left over beef.
Your wedding your bill.
You can't afford it then go to the Justice of the Peace until you can pay for a dream wedding.
I am from Pennsylvania, no shame in having the reception at a Hose Company.
You have got to be kidding? The guy should run as fast as he can. Marrying someone who wants to pretend they are rich is bound for failure. She must be a real peach.
The woman you marry should be willing to march into hell with you and if she will only wear Prada doing it, then sorry chap you are already there!
Later,
Richard
And that's a fact Jack!
Hell no I would not pay to go to someone's wedding nor would I have an extravagant one myself. My wife had been married before and she had a big grand wedding. When we go married she was 35 and I was 32. I told her that there would be no big expensive wedding, an expensive ring, and an expensive honeymoon as I would be paying for all of it cuz she did not have much savings. I have not worked my *** off and saved every $$ so I could blow it on a stupid party!
I told her we can have a nicer honeymoon and we will get married there by ourselves in Fiji or a big wedding but no ring or honeymoon as she had already had her grand wedding.
We got married in Fiji and it cost us $400 and about 10 people we met on the island came to our wedding and celebrated with us afterwards and it did not cost us a penny because we were staying in an all inclusive resort that we prepaid!
It was incredibly fun and we both look back at it with great memories!
To hell with the expensive wedding! I have 3 daughters (5,5,8) and my wife and I are already fighting about their future weddings. I told her the its the JOP and a party at home plus the $$ for a downpayment on a house but there will be no expensive weddings!!
I told her we can have a nicer honeymoon and we will get married there by ourselves in Fiji or a big wedding but no ring or honeymoon as she had already had her grand wedding.
We got married in Fiji and it cost us $400 and about 10 people we met on the island came to our wedding and celebrated with us afterwards and it did not cost us a penny because we were staying in an all inclusive resort that we prepaid!
It was incredibly fun and we both look back at it with great memories!
To hell with the expensive wedding! I have 3 daughters (5,5,8) and my wife and I are already fighting about their future weddings. I told her the its the JOP and a party at home plus the $$ for a downpayment on a house but there will be no expensive weddings!!
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