Jokes that make you groan
- Thread starter Captain Pre-Capsize
- Start date
I've had a lot of jobs over the years, but I've never experienced as many ups and downs as I have since becoming a teeter-totter salesman.
A man and his wife are trying to join the Catholic Church. They meet with the parish priest to talk about conversion, and he lays out some expectations.
"In order to join the Church," the priest says, "you must prove your dedication to the Lord by remaining celibate for the next 30 days."
"Well," says the man, "that sounds like a difficult challenge, but it will be worth it to be part of this Church."
The man and his wife thank the Priest and head home.
A month later, the couple is back at the parish to meet with the Priest.
"Well," he asks, "how did it go?"
"I'll be honest, father," the man answers solemnly. "We almost made it. 29 days in. Then my wife dropped the Lettuce, bent over to pick it up, and it was all over."
"Well," scolds the priest, "rules are rules. You won't be welcome in the Church."
"That's ok," says the man. "We can't go back to Kroger anymore, either."
"In order to join the Church," the priest says, "you must prove your dedication to the Lord by remaining celibate for the next 30 days."
"Well," says the man, "that sounds like a difficult challenge, but it will be worth it to be part of this Church."
The man and his wife thank the Priest and head home.
A month later, the couple is back at the parish to meet with the Priest.
"Well," he asks, "how did it go?"
"I'll be honest, father," the man answers solemnly. "We almost made it. 29 days in. Then my wife dropped the Lettuce, bent over to pick it up, and it was all over."
"Well," scolds the priest, "rules are rules. You won't be welcome in the Church."
"That's ok," says the man. "We can't go back to Kroger anymore, either."
I went to the air and space museum but there was nothing there.
Do racehorses slow down when they see police horses?
I went to my doctor's yesterday and the receptionist said “What’s the problem?” I said..” there’s something wrong with my Willy!” She said, “you can’t say that there’s a room full of patients!” I said, “What am I supposed to say?” She said, “You could have said I’ve got something wrong with my ear!” So I went out and came back in again. She said, “What’s the problem?” I said, “There’s something wrong with my ear!” She said, with a smug smile “What’s wrong with it?” I said “I can’t **** out of it!l
A guy goes to see the doctor and says, "Doc, I have a high sex drive." To which, the doctor replies; "We'll for a guy in your late 70's, that shouldn't be a problem, as long as you don't over exert yourself." The guy responds; "I don't think I made myself clear, it's 'high', like in my head!"
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and sips his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."
If the number 666 is evil then technically 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil
I tried watching a documentary about beavers.
The stream kept stopping.
The stream kept stopping.
"
Tyler Durden is working on it.
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