Being a gentleman

[NeckShaver]

The short and sweet meaning that applies here is, "A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior."

I couldn't have said it better.

But I have a feeling this going to turn into something that is very difficult to explain. I had a psychology teacher who gave us an assignment to describe the physical differences between a dog and a cat to a person who has no knowledge of either. Well I thought, OK sounds easy enough. Cats have whiskers, sharp teeth, a tail, different patterns of hair, 4 legs, claws, paws....wait so does a dog.

Summary, you just know what one is and you know what one isn't.

 

[cl00bie]

It is my opinion that true Gentlemen don't pick and choose when, where, and to whom they display their Gentlemanly conduct. Such conduct should be displayed at all times and afforded equally to all people.

Gunner, you are absolutely correct. Such conduct should be displayed at all times and afforded equally to all people.

But what do you do about the female stranger you hold the door for who berates you as a male chauvanist pig because you are treating her different than you would a man?

I think this is part of the problem. We men are being trained, almost on a daily basis, to not treat women any differently than men which I consider is the hallmark of being a gentleman. We are being trained by society not to be gentlemen.

 

[Jim]

It is my opinion that true Gentlemen don't pick and choose when, where, and to whom they display their Gentlemanly conduct. Such conduct should be displayed at all times and afforded equally to all people.

my 2 cents

Could not agree more completely!

Best advice I ever received from my Dad was "do not let others dictate how you behave or define who you are"

 

[NeckShaver]

Gunner, you are absolutely correct. Such conduct should be displayed at all times and afforded equally to all people.

But what do you do about the female stranger you hold the door for who berates you as a male chauvanist pig because you are treating her different than you would a man?

I think this is part of the problem. We men are being trained, almost on a daily basis, to not treat women any differently than men which I consider is the hallmark of being a gentleman. We are being trained by society not to be gentlemen.

You just tip your hat or head and say, "Have a nice day miss"

I personally have never had that problem but that's what I would do.

 

[SCWilson]

You just tip your hat or head and say, "Have a nice day miss"

+1 That is, IMHO, the correct way to handle that situation. Be sure to say it with a smile.

 

[vcardona]

Gunner, you are absolutely correct. Such conduct should be displayed at all times and afforded equally to all people.

But what do you do about the female stranger you hold the door for who berates you as a male chauvanist pig because you are treating her different than you would a man?

I've never encountered that, and I've lived in some pretty liberal places. Everyone likes to be treated with respect. That said, I can imagine a woman being a little put off if you make a big display of opening the door for her.

 

[Zach V.]

I've never encountered that, and I've lived in some pretty liberal places. .

No matter how much a woman subscribes to any particular type of feminism, they'll always appreciate us giving up a seat, holding the door for them, killing their spiders, taking out their trash, cleaning out their gutters, changing their oil,... Wait a minute, what was it they did by themselves again? Perhaps Seinfeld's George said it best,

"It's the same thing with the feminists! They all want equality, but when the check comes, where are they?"

Just having fun here

 

[Rorschuck]

But what do you do about the female stranger you hold the door for who berates you as a male chauvanist pig because you are treating her different than you would a man?

On the very rare occasion you get this, my response would be:

"Sorry, that's just the way mom raised me."

 

[Eagle]

I think everyone has their own inner definition of what rules must I follow to be seen as a gentleman. Problem with that is you start being concerned about an idealized image rather than what is really important.

If you are basically a kind and decent human being, others will recognize that quality and respect and like you for it. They may label you a gentleman for just being you.

 

[SCWilson]

I think everyone has their own inner definition of what rules must I follow to be seen as a gentleman. Problem with that is you start being concerned about an idealized image rather than what is really important.

If you are basically a kind and decent human being, others will recognize that quality and respect and like you for it. They may label you a gentleman for just being you.

+1 I'm a little wary of a self-described gentleman. IMO it is word that others use to describe you, not something that you call yourself. Remember just because you call yourself something doesn't make it so. The importatn part is to show respect and kindness to everyone, from the lowest person to the highest.

"Richard Steele in Tatler (No. 207), laying down that "the appellation of Gentleman is never to be affixed to a man's circumstances, but to his Behaviour in them". (Wikipedia)

Just my opinion, and worth what you paid for it.

 

[modern man]

So what is a gentleman?

The exact opposite of me.

Do what I don't do and you will be fine.

But the true definition to me is a man who has the ability to do the right thing when no one is looking.

 

[gunner6477]

But what do you do about the female stranger you hold the door for who berates you as a male chauvanist pig because you are treating her different than you would a man?

I think this is part of the problem. We men are being trained, almost on a daily basis, to not treat women any differently than men which I consider is the hallmark of being a gentleman. We are being trained by society not to be gentlemen.

1. I like the reponses below regarding how to deal with a rude person (woman in this example).

"Sorry, that's just the way mom raised me."

You just tip your hat or head and say, "Have a nice day miss"

"do not let others dictate how you behave or define who you are"

Exactly! If she berates you, just stand and take it and accept her for the rude person she is. Any negative response in-kind would be considered un-gentlemanly.


2. A true gentlemen should be treating all others with the same amount of courtesy and respect. Whenever out and about and you get to a door first, open it to allow all of those those whom might be near the first opportunity to enter/exit first, regardless of their gender.

 

[Jimbo]

I really, really hate it when a news reporter or a witness describes an alleged or convicted criminal as a "gentleman". As in "and then the gentleman pulled a knife". AHHHGGG! I really hate that.
On a different note, what's the story of a military officer becoming a gentleman when he's commissioned? Anybody know?

 

[Tigger23505]

Hard to go wrong with this list http://gwpapers.virginia.edu/documents/civility/transcript.html it carried George Washington successfully through a full life.

Mind, I have trouble with numbers 3 5 and 55 but I'm working on it.

 

[Tigger23505]

Gunner, you are absolutely correct. Such conduct should be displayed at all times and afforded equally to all people.

But what do you do about the female stranger you hold the door for who berates you as a male chauvanist pig because you are treating her different than you would a man?

Oddly enough as a gentleman, that isn't my problem. Like Gunner said as a gentleman you don't pick and choose. It is either a part of your character or it isn't. So like any good gentleman should I become a duck's back and let it roll off like water.

And in answer to the next question that is a goal that I strive for but often miss. My brother had an interesting observation not long ago. "We all want to be suave, calm and cool like Bugs Bunny, the reality is that we end up looking, acting and sounding like Daffy Duck."

 

[Tigger23505]

I really, really hate it when a news reporter or a witness describes an alleged or convicted criminal as a "gentleman". As in "and then the gentleman pulled a knife". AHHHGGG! I really hate that.
On a different note, what's the story of a military officer becoming a gentleman when he's commissioned? Anybody know?

It basically comes from the English military tradition which we have mostly maintained. Until pretty much the middle of the Victorian Era, British army officers came from what was called the landed gentry either raising a unit from the local people, or later buying their commissions in the army. As a result there was always a clear line of quality between the enlisted (other ranks) and the officers.

The US Military has a tradition and a process of being more egalitarian - think Audey Murphy. He started as a private and was later field commissioned as an officer. All of the military run a school program known to most as knife and fork school which provides a basic education in etiquette and gentlemanly conduct. It is required for all persons accepting a commission after any length of service in the enlisted ranks. The gentlemanly conduct aspects were also a major component of the 90 reserve officer training program from WW II.

 

[Bflobill 1125]

A gentleman is a guy who knows the right way to act in any given situation,and has the good sense to do it.

 

[Not A Nice Person]

But the true definition to me is a man who has the ability to do the right thing when no one is looking.

+1

A true gentleman doesn't cheat at solitaire.

His word is his bond, his handshake as binding as any contract, and he puts people of any social standing at ease in his company.

You can throw nice to women, children, and dogs in there too.

NANP™

 

[barberofdeville]

Gunner, you are absolutely correct. Such conduct should be displayed at all times and afforded equally to all people.

But what do you do about the female stranger you hold the door for who berates you as a male chauvanist pig because you are treating her different than you would a man?

I think this is part of the problem. We men are being trained, almost on a daily basis, to not treat women any differently than men which I consider is the hallmark of being a gentleman. We are being trained by society not to be gentlemen.

Tell her I hold the door for whom ever is before me guy or gal im sorry if i offended you it was not my intention.
A true gentleman does not discriminate by gender. Politeness and proper etiquete are only part of what makes a gentleman. Right action, to defend those who cannot defend themselves, to be soft spoken except when nescissary, humility, Goes out of there way because it may one day be them in dire straights or in need of help...the list goes on. If someone acts in that way towards you do not mimic the same behavior(you never know what that persons day has been like) instead turn it around with a little kindness and if that doesnt work just apologize and walk away(do not let it turn you into them or stain you own actions).