Advice on my direction

[jellywerker]

I'd like some advice. I can't really take this to my parents, as they either say what they think I want to hear or just say the opposite of what the other parent says (they divorced recently and agreeing on anything would kill them I think) and I don't want to take it to my mother approved and hired counselor (part of the divorce agreement) or my coach (I don't feel like it's right to get him involved in my personal life, especially if it might affect his objectivity).

So the problem is that my Mom thinks I'm being a slob and not working hard enough towards my future/schooling, that I think it will just come and land on my lap. I was homeschooled up through most of high school, and then enrolled at the local high school so it would be easier to transfer/apply to a college. I did well for while I was there, A's and a B or two, with a 3.7+ gpa. Then I enrolled in the Running Start option and took some community college classes and did mediocre, a C and a B, then took more high school classes, and then this fall quarter, took all online community college classes, getting a B and failing two of them, bringing my gpa down to around a 3.45. The two that I failed were not because I couldn't do the work, I just turned it in late and didn't really put any effort into it. I had the same attitude towards the community college classes that I had towards my high school classes, and the difference in how the two operate showed up in my grades. I feel like I learned my lesson about higher education, but I am not currently enrolled in any classes.

Right now, at age 16, I work a few days a week (20 hours or so), row every day, and am waiting for graduation at my high school (I had all my credits even before I took the community college classes). The only scholastic thing I am working on now is my culminating exhibition project, a 15 minute presentation of what I have learned during my high school years. I'm considering taking classes when spring quarter starts at the community college, but with my two failing grades, the high school may not allow it. If I did, I'd probably take a math class to brush up on my math (never my strong point) and a language class, just because. There really isn't anything at the community college or high school useful to my intended career, which is part of the reason I didn't take any classes this past quarter/semester. I only found out I the high school was graduating me out this year (rather than next year) a few days before applications were due at the colleges I am interested in, so I only applied to one school, and still need to fill out a fafsa and figure out how I am going to pay for it if I get in. And getting in is still up in the air. Prior to failing my community college classes, I thought was pretty much set, with a high gpa and decent (though unremarkable) test scores. But after those classes, a 3.45 gpa isn't very strong for the schools I am looking at, and 1800/2400 (age 15) on the sat and 26/35 (age 14) on the act aren't exactly awesome scores. And since I haven't taken a math class in a while, I doubt I would do better on them if I retook them soon.

I want to go to a good school, with a top architecture program and a rowing team (d1) so I am looking at places like Yale and University of Washington. So basically, after the long winded back story, I want to know if my Mom is right, and doing what I am doing now is hurting my chances at getting to were I want to be, and I just need to hear it from someone else too, or am I going to be ok, as long as I don't sit around next year too? I'm pretty confused, and I really don't want to be making bad decisions now that I'm going to regret in a few years. If I don't get into the school I applied to this year, I figure I'll continue working and rowing next year, but also pay for myself to take classes at a different (larger) community college so I can retest for higher scores, earn credits towards my degree, and get a good college gpa for transferring to one of the schools I actually want to be at. I'd also be filling out applications for as many scholarships and such as I can, something I haven't done much of this year.

Sorry it's such a big post, but my problem isn't exactly small.

 

[castlecraver]

If I don't get into the school I applied to this year, I figure I'll continue working and rowing next year, but also pay for myself to take classes at a different (larger) community college so I can retest for higher scores, earn credits towards my degree, and get a good college gpa for transferring to one of the schools I actually want to be at. I'd also be filling out applications for as many scholarships and such as I can, something I haven't done much of this year.

That actually sounds like a perfectly good plan to me.

It doesn't sound like you're prepared for a bigtime college, in my honest (yet blunt) opinion. And wouldn't your chances of making the rowing team be better in another year or two when you're the same age as your teammates? Do the community college thing for a while, make the most of it, and demonstrate you can put out the effort required to get A's. If a school like Yale or WashU is your final destination, there are going to be plenty of uninsipring courses you will have to take. That's the brakes, for better or worse, so to get there you're just going to have to put up with it and not phone it in. Brushing up on your math will help you a lot, both as an architect and in the short term by improving your SAT score. Take a similar approach with a few other courses, pick stuff that you can test out of or transfer credits once you get where you're going, and you'll be well on your way.

My biggest piece of advice is this: put forth the effort. You need better grades and improved test scores. You need to put the rubber to the road on the scholarship front. None of that is going to fall in your lap, and although I understand some of these courses can be truly uninspiring... you need to get A's in them if you want to go to a top-tier college. I don't think your mother would be objecting to the path you're on right now if you were showing a little more progress toward your goal. Better grades, test scores, scholarship leads, applications... you're going to have to put in some serious effort. But the good news: you're a year or two ahead age-wise from where most everyone else is applying for college is... so if you can't get there right now, you've got time. You just have to make the best use of that time, and if you follow your plan and give 100%, I think you will be. Set a goal: decide where you want to go and when you want to go there, and concentrate on using the intervening time in the best way that's going to give you the best application and quality transfer credits.

 

[Must Dash]

Aaron

I can't answer your questions. I have no idea of how the education system works in the US so I have nothing to contribute on that front.

What I can say is this, if you are only 16, you are one of the more remarkable 16 year olds that I have encountered. And I know quite a few; my son is 16. I've read a lot of your posts, they are well written, well thought-through, intelligent, confident and a hell of a lot more mature than anything I would have written at your age. Clearly you've got a fine brain and a good heart. All I can say is 'go with your instincts'. I'm confident that you'll do brilliantly whichever path you take.

Cheers

Jeremy

 

[crichton]

I don't think I can add much to what Pat and Jeremy have already said. Focus on what you want to achieve and go for it!

 

[vcardona]

Aaron,

Please don't take offense at any of what I say. I am going to be blunt, but I don't intend it to be mean.

First off, you are doing very well so far. You have a clear goal for yourself. Unfortunately, I am not sure you really appreciate what a college education is all about. You're message implies that you see it as some sort of vocational training.

So what do I advise? First off, relax. You are only 16. You have plenty of time. Focus on graduating high school with as high a GPA as possible. Then go to your local community college. Take courses that will transfer or at least better prepare you for college. You might even consider getting an Associates degree in something. Then you won't need to worry about your SAT or ACT scores. Be careful though. Don't just phone it in because you are bored and none of this will be on your uber architecture final exams. Take this time as an opportunity for self improvement. Use the smaller class sizes in a community college to distinguish yourself.

Finally, do some work in your community. University admissions officers receive tons of applications every year. Distinguish yourself by showing them that you are more than just a score on a standardized test or a mark on a report card. Show them you are well rounded, and have experiences that will help you throughout college. Remember that you can't really distinguish yourself academically. Even with perfect grades, your 4.0 would look like every other 4.0.

Anyway, I hope that helps.

 

[Bluestaco]

I'll agree with Must Dash that you are an extraordinary 16 year old, and I'll also boldly assume you probably know that, and therein lies the source of some of the pressure you're feeling. I'll also agree with everybody else, including you: that plan of yours doesn't sound bad.

16 is YOUNG to be saddled with such life-impacting decisions, yet you have them to make. You are wise to consider things as carefully as you are. I wish I'd had your sense at 25!

As a person who made MANY academic mistakes (and went back to college at 31), I'd advise you to take all the time and get all the advice you can on such decisions (like you're doing). It's a scary world when a 16-year old has to worry that a decision he makes today could impact his life so deeply. As a very overeducated person, I'll give you this one nugget: enjoy your education, whatever you do, and realize that you WILL make wrong decisions no matter how hard you think them through. That's part of education, uncomfortable as it is. With the insight you show on this forum, though, you're gonna be amazing.

...hell, I didn't even shave at 16!

 

[Mr. Gillette]

A small piece of the puzzle that is left here-- you were home schooled. I have worked with many home schoolers-- in fact, as a church musician, I ran a fairly involved music enrichment program for about 70 home schoolers each week. Many of my friends home schooled, I was a professional educator, and I think I understand some of the reasons behind and the culture surrounding homeschooling.

As such, your parents have had SIGNIFICANT input into your life, your development, the pace at which you learn, the subjects and their relative importance, etc. etc.

Now you're 16, still 2 years away from a time when they can legally and morally relinquish responsibility. They're used to calling the shots and moving you forward (at least in their minds) toward goals that "They" have-- and hopefully you sign on to.

I'm not saying it's all bad-- it's just what "is."

My suggestion is that life at your age is successfully lived by a combination of two things (1) "Finding yourself and who you are (2) Playing "the game" a bit with the people who put a roof over your head, food in your mouth, gas in your car, shoes on your feet, etc.

If your parents have the perception that you are lazy, this throws a monkey wrench into the whole works. If you have the perception that your parents are controlling and ridgid, this is equally difficult.

You're going to need your parents through all of this. Last I checked, Yale costs more than $55.00 a year! You're going to need your parents behind you.

I am a father-- my daughter has graduated, and is a successful and productive teacher. My son is in graduate school.

Frankly-- if they sat on their heels for awhile, it would have concerned me. If they hadn't wanted to do some things "their way" it would have also concerned me.

You need to approach your parents, tell them your dreams and ideas, and then be prepared to listen and adjust what you're doing right now. Hopefully it will be a dialogue!)

In the ideal situation, BOTH sides will be heard. You'll have an appreciation for your parents' position and they'll have an understanding of who you are.

Finally-- life's decisions seem very pressing at 16, 18, 21...they loom large, but as many of us with a few years on us have learned, there are certain "RESET" buttons in life...many decisions can be reversed, changed, revised, reset. Take life one day at a time, and do so honestly, and with the best that you have to offer. Watch it play out for you, and enjoy the ride.

 

[ScottS]

There really isn't anything at the community college or high school useful to my intended career....

Which is...???

 

[kestrel]

A small piece of the puzzle that is left here-- you were home schooled. I have worked with many home schoolers-- in fact, as a church musician, I ran a fairly involved music enrichment program for about 70 home schoolers each week. Many of my friends home schooled, I was a professional educator, and I think I understand some of the reasons behind and the culture surrounding homeschooling.

As such, your parents have had SIGNIFICANT input into your life, your development, the pace at which you learn, the subjects and their relative importance, etc. etc.

Now you're 16, still 2 years away from a time when they can legally and morally relinquish responsibility. They're used to calling the shots and moving you forward (at least in their minds) toward goals that "They" have-- and hopefully you sign on to.

I'm not saying it's all bad-- it's just what "is."

My suggestion is that life at your age is successfully lived by a combination of two things (1) "Finding yourself and who you are (2) Playing "the game" a bit with the people who put a roof over your head, food in your mouth, gas in your car, shoes on your feet, etc.

If your parents have the perception that you are lazy, this throws a monkey wrench into the whole works. If you have the perception that your parents are controlling and ridgid, this is equally difficult.

You're going to need your parents through all of this. Last I checked, Yale costs more than $55.00 a year! You're going to need your parents behind you.

I am a father-- my daughter has graduated, and is a successful and productive teacher. My son is in graduate school.

Frankly-- if they sat on their heels for awhile, it would have concerned me. If they hadn't wanted to do some things "their way" it would have also concerned me.

You need to approach your parents, tell them your dreams and ideas, and then be prepared to listen and adjust what you're doing right now. Hopefully it will be a dialogue!)

In the ideal situation, BOTH sides will be heard. You'll have an appreciation for your parents' position and they'll have an understanding of who you are.

Finally-- life's decisions seem very pressing at 16, 18, 21...they loom large, but as many of us with a few years on us have learned, there are certain "RESET" buttons in life...many decisions can be reversed, changed, revised, reset. Take life one day at a time, and do so honestly, and with the best that you have to offer. Watch it play out for you, and enjoy the ride.

Jellywerker
I'm quoting this whole post to emphasize how much I think you should read it, especially the last paragraph.

I'll add off my own bat that it's not unusual for a good student to blow a couple of post secondary courses right out of high school. Noone at college or university is going to ride you if you don't do the work, so you've got to discipline yourself.

It sounds like you've figured that out, so don't worry too much, and don't make the same mistake again.

Best Regards

Graham

 

[jellywerker]

Thank you for all of your input. I don't have time for a detailed post right now, but I wanted to let you know I am looking at this.

 

[ouch]

You're sixteen??? I would not have been able to tell if you didn't say so (that's a complement).

Sounds as if you're halfway there already.

 

[Jimbo]

It sounds to me like you were bored in the community college classes and that's why you didn't do very well. I think if you continue with the community college classes your grades are only going to suffer. I'd recommend applying for admission in the Fall semester at your two top picks and three or four "back up" schools (good universities where you will still feel like you're accomplishing something and working toward your goal). I'd also recommend moving into the dorm and going full time instead of living at home and taking a class here and there.
If you don't get accepted into one of the universities, look into working or volunteering at an architect firm. Even if you're just making copies and running errands, you would see what it's like to be an architect and help you decide if that's really what you want to do. It will also look better to the admissions office and will give you a year of experience, maturity and "socialization". In your spare time take a math class one semester and an English class the next at the community college to help you get ready to retake the SAT and keep things fresh in your brain.
Your grades demonstrate you have the intellect to succeed. The challenges you have are to demonstrate to the admissions staff you can juggle a full load of classes, adapt to college life and be a self-starter.
Also remember what one of my professors told me years ago... the purpose of the university is to educate, not to teach you how to do a job. That always helped me keep things in perspective.

 

[jcape]

Scholarships are key if you want to go to a top school. I'm in college now, and I know that I didn't do nearly enough about scholarships when I had the chance. Also, is the architecture or the rowing more important? The rowing may be fun, but in my opinion it's better to go to a school that has a good academic program. That will really help once you start looking for internships and jobs (so they tell me) There's always gonna be boring classes. Always.

I really wish I was as motivated as you when I was 16.

 

[DMac]

Aaron,
I think everyone has given you GREAT advice here; there's a lot of wisdom on this board. I'm about 10 years ahead of you (in age and schooling), and there are a few things I would like to highlight:

I definitely second the motion of finding some work, even if it is meaningless or voluntary, at an architecture firm (provided you have the time). I believe they were the only program at my undergraduate institution with a higher dropout rate than mine (engineering). It's incredibly time-intensive, and typically the ones that make it through are extremely tenacious. I say this not to discourage you from going into architecture, just so you might figure out how much you like it. Because trust me, there will be times that first year when you are in the studio at 3 AM that you will ask yourself, "Is this really worth it?" You won't know the answer to that question unless you've seen the job.

Also, don't underestimate the importance of good scores. I'll agree with what was said about not getting too bent out of shape about the college classes, as there is definitely a sharp learning curve for some of us depending on your learning style (myself included, I put myself into academic probation that first semester). Obviously, the fact that you're an accelerated student will help you out come application time. If you're good enough at rowing and these schools actively want and pursue you, that could work in your favor as well. But I know many a man with higher GPAs/test scores that were turned away from Ivy League schools. The fact that your current exposure to college-level classes seems to imply that you weren't quite ready for the change might hurt you.

I'd also agree that more time spent at a community college might definitely help you out, both in preparing you for university and improving your chances if you don't happen to get in right away. I'd also like to contend with your statement about there not being anything useful at the community college if you are interested in architecture; most community colleges have good drafting programs, and this is definitely something you would want to take and excel in to strengthen your application.

Finally, the fact that you care enough to ask this question puts you ahead of a lot of your peers, so kudos on that front. The one steadfast rule I've learned in my 9 consecutive years of secondary education (yeah nine years, so what? At least I've got a couple degrees to show for it, right? Not that I use'em.....) is that you WILL change your mind about what you want to do with your life, even if you do what I did and change your mind right back to your original goal. Just remember that's ok, and it's all a journey.

I apologize for being so long-winded. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some rest so I can study for my last test of the year.....

EDIT: I completely forgot to suggest you talk to a guidance counselor at your school. After all, that's their purpose for being.

 

[ouch]

Last I checked, Yale costs more than $55.00 a year!

Fifty five dollars a year??? I better pm Scotto- I'll bet they owe him one hell of a refund.

 

[gugi]

There isn't much I can add to all the advice before me. On the choice of schools - make sure you have your priorities straight. If it's rowing what you want to do professionally, you probably don't need to go to Yale for that. If it's academic you may want to look at other options besides the two you mentioned.

A friend of mine picked between two colleges the one with the soccer teem and inferior academic program. At the second game he was badly injured which ended any hopes of him playing in future. Of course the stubborn he was, he did everything he could for the next 3 years only to be able to play again and he did play 2 more games only to get injured again. During all this he did academically outstanding job (it certainly helped that he was at inferior school). However even though he was the top student by large margin, when he graduated his options were still much worse than the ones the mediocre students from the better school had. Nevertheless he took a year of additional training at a small and relatively unknown but international institution and eventually he got a boring low level job in a local subsidy of a large international company. He very quickly got noticed by the upper management and got much more interesting job. I haven't kept in touch with him too often but after doing middle management job at this large company for a while he went to work at at the business division of IBM. And I'm sure he can move to any other company if he decides he wants to.

As you see there are a lot of decisions we make, many are bad, but if you have the motivation, intellect, and perseverance, you will certainly end where you want to. And do reread the last paragraph of Mr.Gillette.

On the practical side of it for now I'd assume you decide that academics is more important. I am not familiar with the home schooling track, but if you want to get into Yale, you have to impress the admission office there. You've already gotten some advice on what qualities academia looks for. Yes, you need better test scores and you also need to demonstrate that you are ambitious and disciplined enough to be given a chance at Yale. The fact is you are competing with your peers from across US and even internationally, so you have to look more impressive than the ones that don't get to go. But as you may have noticed this country loves comeback stories. Much more than the overachiever ones.

That's way more than I thought I'd write, but you seem like a bright young man and quite likely you will do well.

 

[castlecraver]

Fifty five dollars a year??? I better pm Scotto- I'll bet they owe him one hell of a refund.

That's just the Bush family rate and covers the processing of the annual "donation" check.

 

[sol92258]

I don't have much to add other than the fact that your blessed to have been homeschooled; I work in the 'public' school system as the computer tech, and my wife's a teacher - I feel her pain day after day of how 'the system' is ruining education of students. The ones that excel are the ones who would excel regardless, the ones who don't give an ats rass would fail regardless, but the ones in between are the ones that suffer. The comment about exceptional students getting bored with "mickey mouse" college classes is correct, my worst grades in college (besides Greek) were the simple do-in-your-sleep classes, just because they were too easy, but "necessary". Self-Discipline will be your greatest ally, as it seems you have all the other tools necessary to succeed
oh, and the previously mentioned "patience"; just like a great shave, a great education is going to be the result of patiently doing all the proper, sometimes unexciting prep work

 

[Romulus]

At the very young age of sixteen, it seems that you are well ahead of very many of your fellow high schoolers and I congratulate you for your achievements.

As for additional advice, I would say that you shouldn't worry about the cost of your education. Although college can be very expensive, it should not be a dealbreaker when considering a college. That being said, you also shouldn't spend all that loan money on things that aren't necessities.

Here are some money saving tips if you are worried about cost (as I was during my undergrad and now since I am starting law school in the fall) Fill out that FAFSA soon, I believe that deadline is approaching if it hasn't already, take classes at the community college that can be transferred to your college, and apply for all the scholarships you are qualified for. Next thing you know, you saved yourself a semester or two of college. While it might not seem like much but when you factor in rent, food, books, fuel, etc. It adds up pretty quickly.

Good luck to you and your endeavors

 

[2bits]

I'm not sure you are asking the right questions.

Get a copy of "I Could Do Anything - If I Only Knew What It Was" by Barbara Sher

It's about tricks to help unravel the kind of knots you are struggling to untie.

Use the parts that work for you.

It's easy when you are on (your own) track.