And the most perplexing:
No good deed goes unpunished.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
- Thread starter DE Shaver
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- Thread starter
- #22
In a workplace, hard work is not appreciated, it is resented.
The amount of real work one is expected to do is inversely proportional to their rate of pay.
Volunteering for extra work assignments does not result in rewards - it results in the expectation you will always perform extra work.
A raise or promotion for meritorious achievement is never a reward for actually going above and beyond - it is a reward for schmoozing with the right people.
The amount of real work one is expected to do is inversely proportional to their rate of pay.
Volunteering for extra work assignments does not result in rewards - it results in the expectation you will always perform extra work.
A raise or promotion for meritorious achievement is never a reward for actually going above and beyond - it is a reward for schmoozing with the right people.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
- Thread starter
- #25
Things get worse under pressure.
The more initials you have after your name the less you can do.
My favorite from Murphy's Laws of Combat:
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
No matter how stupid it looked hey it worked.
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- #29
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
And it's close cousin: any bread product will always land butter/jam/peanut butter side down.
- Thread starter
- #31
When there are two possible forms to fill out on any given matter, the wrong form is always filled out at first
I will never forget the comment from a coworker of mine a couple of years ago. I don't remember the rest of the conversation but something was said and I mentioned Murphy's law and he said, "Isn't that the one about an object at motion?" I really wanted to slap him, but he looked serious and never made any comment that he was joking.
Anyway, please continue with the laws. These are quite amusing.
Anyway, please continue with the laws. These are quite amusing.
Newton's law: An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
Murphy's law: A Blond in motion tends to trip.
- Thread starter
- #34
Newton's law: An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
Murphy's law: A Blond in motion tends to trip.
Very funny.
Chimensch's Elevator Law:
The shorter the building, the slower the elevator. You can get to the 100th floor of the Sears Tower (or whatever its called now) faster than you can get to the 2nd floor of a 2-story building.
Chimensch's Restaurant Law:
The busier the restaurant, the faster the service. At noon, you can get your order in 15 minutes but at 3:00 pm, they'll take your order but the cook doesn't come to work 'til 5:00.
Chimensch's Law of Suffering:
Suffering expands to fill the space available. A rich widow with nothing to do but sit in bed and eat bon-bons will suffer more from the death of her Pekinese than a poor family will suffer from the death of child.
Chimensch's Law of Human Behavior:
Whatever you can imagine someone doing in your wildest imagination, somewhere in the world someone is doing it, right now. For example, if I say, "A man wins the lottery, dresses up as a clown, goes home and shoots his wife" you'll open the paper tomorrow morning and that will be the headline.
The shorter the building, the slower the elevator. You can get to the 100th floor of the Sears Tower (or whatever its called now) faster than you can get to the 2nd floor of a 2-story building.
Chimensch's Restaurant Law:
The busier the restaurant, the faster the service. At noon, you can get your order in 15 minutes but at 3:00 pm, they'll take your order but the cook doesn't come to work 'til 5:00.
Chimensch's Law of Suffering:
Suffering expands to fill the space available. A rich widow with nothing to do but sit in bed and eat bon-bons will suffer more from the death of her Pekinese than a poor family will suffer from the death of child.
Chimensch's Law of Human Behavior:
Whatever you can imagine someone doing in your wildest imagination, somewhere in the world someone is doing it, right now. For example, if I say, "A man wins the lottery, dresses up as a clown, goes home and shoots his wife" you'll open the paper tomorrow morning and that will be the headline.
RichGem's Law of Parking:
No matter how many times you drive around, by the time you park and walk to the store/venue, there will always be at least one available spot significantly closer.
No matter how many times you drive around, by the time you park and walk to the store/venue, there will always be at least one available spot significantly closer.
If the enemy's in range......so are you.
I don't care who you are-that's funny!(that and the blond in motion...)
keep em coming.
marty
- Thread starter
- #39
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
The easy way is always mined.
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
Tracers work both ways.
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.
Napalm is an area support weapon.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
Interchangeable parts aren't.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.
Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.
When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.
It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.
General John Sedgwick's last words: "What! what! men, dodging this way for single bullets! What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
C-4 can make a dull day fun.
If you can think clearly, know exactly what's happening, and have total control of a situation in combat, then you're not in combat.
LZ's are always hot.
CH-53's are living proof, that if you strap enough engines to something it will fly.
Murphy's Law is proof that God is in Heaven laughing his butt off!!
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
The easy way is always mined.
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
Tracers work both ways.
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.
Napalm is an area support weapon.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
Interchangeable parts aren't.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.
Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.
When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.
It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.
General John Sedgwick's last words: "What! what! men, dodging this way for single bullets! What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
C-4 can make a dull day fun.
If you can think clearly, know exactly what's happening, and have total control of a situation in combat, then you're not in combat.
LZ's are always hot.
CH-53's are living proof, that if you strap enough engines to something it will fly.
Murphy's Law is proof that God is in Heaven laughing his butt off!!
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