Shaggy dog stories, or other tacky puns

Just curious if anyone else out here is a fan of the shaggy dog stories. Long and drawn out jokes, with a pun as the punch line always amused my father, and by extension myself. One of my favorites, (my father could stretch this out over at least half an hour), follows here:

Sam the clam and Fred the fish were best friends for the longest time, and played in a band together. Sam played the harp, and Fred played the drums in the band, and they always had a blast playing the old classics wherever they went. Music was the only thing that either of them every truly loved. Sam was always somewhat of a womanizer, and a bad person in general. Conversely, Fred the fish was always a stand up guy with good morals, and treated everybody well. One day the two were playing a show in the band, and the venue burnt to the ground, tragically killing them both. Because of the way they had lived, Sam the clam went straight to hell, while Fred the Fish went directly through the pearly gates. After a few weeks in heaven, St. Peter noticed that Fred the fish didn't seem all that happy, and decided to ask him about it. Fred the fish said that he loved heaven, and that everything was great, but that he really misses his best friend, Sam the clam. After a few hours of talking, St. Peter decided to grant Fred the fish access to go to hell for one evening to visit his friend one last time. St. Peter told him "Go and Sam one last time, but after this evening you'll never see him again... be sure to be home by midnight, or you won't be allowed back into heaven". So Fred thanks St. Peter, and ventures down to hell, where Sam has begun a business as a nightclub manager. They play one last show together, and everything is perfect. They have such a good time playing together that Fred the fish looses track of time. At 5 till midnight, Fred realizes that he has to go, wishes Sam the Clam a final farewell, and rushes back to heaven. He returns just as the gates are slamming shut, and thanks St. Peter for his chance to see his best friends one last time. All of a sudden Fred the fish has a panic attack, and pleads St. Peter to let him go back for just a second. St. Peter responds, "I told you, you had only until midnight... there is no way that you can go back. What could possibly be so important?".


Fred the fish replied; " I left my harp..... In..Sam Clam's disco........."




So what are some of your favorites. I'm sure that some of you gents have one to beat that... let's hear them.

A similar equally long drawn out story my father used to tell ended with the punch line 'tulips from hamster jam'. . I'm sure you get the idea, but it always baffled me as a child

--
Paul

Interesting. Someone just sent me these about a week or so ago:

1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you
100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested.
"Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."


(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.


(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."


(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.


(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California .

This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"


(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as
saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."


(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."


(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."


(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.


(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

(By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a contest. He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.)

During the Civil War, there was an old man who worked in a textile mill down south. It was his job to take the big bolts of raw cloth and dye them whatever color was needed for the day's production.

One day, he was called into the Foreman's office to work on a special project.

In the office, he met with a Confederate General who told him "We have a train-load full of Union Blue uniforms that we captured. We need you to set these out in the sun and fade them until they're Confederate Gray."

The old man says "Nope. I ain't gonna do it."

The General says "Now look. A lot of our soldiers are dressed in rags. It will really help them if you just take these blue uniforms, and fade them until they're gray."

The old man says "Nope. I ain't gonna do it."

The General says "OK ... you can either fade these uniforms, and help the war effort that way. Or else, I'll have you drafted right here on the spot, and we'll send you up to the front lines and you can fight in a battle, and help the Confederacy win the war that way. Now, what's it going to be? Are you going to fade these blue uniforms?

The old man says "Nope. I ain't gonna do it."

So the General calls over to of his aides, they take the old man, and send him off to fight at the front lines.

The Moral of This Story: OLD DYERS NEVER FADE, THEY JUST SOLDIER AWAY.