Perhaps I'm old-fashioned but I have a problem going to someone's wedding and paying for my plate at the reception. The way I see it, if the marrying couple and their families couldn't afford to pay for their own reception, then they probably have no business getting married. At the very least, they have no business having such an expensive reception. It's even worse when you pay $200+ for a plate AND you're expected to give them a gift too. I come from a background (Haitian/Venezuelan) where families paid for everything related to the wedding (open bar is optional). Sometimes they were small but they were intimate, dignified, and enjoyable. It's passing the buck. People should stop trying to live outside their means and be content with a smaller wedding. My dad doesn't like it either but if a close friend invites him to their child's wedding, he can't not go because of $200. It would ruin the friendship. What do you think?
Wedding Reception: Pay for Plate or Free?
- Thread starter TstebinsB
- Start date
To ask the invited to pay for a meal is more than a little tacky.
I agree. If they cannot afford it, then don't ask the guests to pay for it. I was fortunate enough to be able to pay for my wedding out of my pocket and didn't have help from anyone. Granted I didn't get married until I was 37 and had saved enough, but if I couldn't have afforded it I would have gone to the justice of the peace. People tend to think they deserve a big wedding...have you ever seen some of these wedding shows like Platinum Weddings? I refused to even have a money dance or money tree. I just couldn't bring myself to do it...especially after the many years of attending the weddings of friends and drinking all the free booze.
I owed them a return on the favor.
I owed them a return on the favor.
i don't think you're wrong here. i also feel much the same way you do, if the couple/families cannot afford $200-a-plate; then perhaps the event should be scaled back. i grew up in a rural area, there usually was a cash bar..........i just re-read your post..........your dad is stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I find it tacky (for lack of a better word) when this happens. As a guest you should be a guest, youre not attending a fundraiser auction for a local politician. That said, if I were attending a wedding reception were I am paying $200 a plate or so, I feel that my presence is my gift to them (same as if my friend was getting married in the bahamas and I flew out to the wedding to attend). I definately think its passing the buck to expect guests to pay for your own wedding reception.
Additionally, I just read an article along these same lines today:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/09/10/lw.pay.for.my.party/index.html
Additionally, I just read an article along these same lines today:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/09/10/lw.pay.for.my.party/index.html
I actually had to deal with a situation similar to this recently.
Not quite $200/head (seriously, a $200/head wedding reception?? Are they serving Kobe Beef?), but a friend from school invited me to her wedding and requested a $50 per guest "contribution." I asked her informally about it, assuming that the request was in lieu of gifts (which I could have understood short of the tackiness of requesting a specific dollar amount). She said no, and cluelessly began to list the stores where she and her groom were registered.
Needless to say, I RSVPed with my regrets. I did consider reciprocating the social tackiness and actually telling her that money was too tight for me to attend, but I thought better of it.
I had no idea this happened up until that point. Over-the-top wedding receptions seem like a lot of wasted money to me anyway, but I wouldn't dream of asking my guests to help foot the bill.
Not quite $200/head (seriously, a $200/head wedding reception?? Are they serving Kobe Beef?), but a friend from school invited me to her wedding and requested a $50 per guest "contribution." I asked her informally about it, assuming that the request was in lieu of gifts (which I could have understood short of the tackiness of requesting a specific dollar amount). She said no, and cluelessly began to list the stores where she and her groom were registered.
Needless to say, I RSVPed with my regrets. I did consider reciprocating the social tackiness and actually telling her that money was too tight for me to attend, but I thought better of it.
I had no idea this happened up until that point. Over-the-top wedding receptions seem like a lot of wasted money to me anyway, but I wouldn't dream of asking my guests to help foot the bill.
A friend of my wife has been married 3 times. Each time, she had an engagement party, a pre wedding party and a large reception. As my wife is one of her best friends, she was included as a member of each wedding party and had to buy a new outfit to match what the bride wanted them to wear at each of the parties (engagement, pre wedding and the wedding itself).
THEN we were expected to buy a gift and pay for our portion of the dinner which wasn't even that great. What wasn't covered by the guests the bride bought herself, on her VISA card. Needless to say, she is now in major debt as I am sure she is STILL paying off her first wedding.
It wouldn't have been so bad but we live in Virginia and she lives Miami, so we had travel expenses to deal with as well. The bride also took the liberty of getting us all (in the wedding party) a "deal" on the hotel rooms so we could all be together. Of course they were all oceanfront or way over the top and not accomidations we would have booked for ourselves.
My wife said if her friend gets married again (she just got divorced again last year) she will start a fight with her just so she doesn't have to go thru this a fourth time.
THEN we were expected to buy a gift and pay for our portion of the dinner which wasn't even that great. What wasn't covered by the guests the bride bought herself, on her VISA card. Needless to say, she is now in major debt as I am sure she is STILL paying off her first wedding.
It wouldn't have been so bad but we live in Virginia and she lives Miami, so we had travel expenses to deal with as well. The bride also took the liberty of getting us all (in the wedding party) a "deal" on the hotel rooms so we could all be together. Of course they were all oceanfront or way over the top and not accomidations we would have booked for ourselves.
My wife said if her friend gets married again (she just got divorced again last year) she will start a fight with her just so she doesn't have to go thru this a fourth time.
- Thread starter
- #8
Everything's big in Texas and everything's expensive in NY/NJ, even the wedding receptions.
Bergen County, NJ and Westchester County, NY - two peas in one costly pod.Yeah, more than a little tacky. Then again, my Cousin is having her wedding in the Bahamas for the strict purpose of making sure most of the extended family on our side cannot afford to attend (oh, sure, you're invited, if you can afford the $1000 plane ride, the week long stay in the 5-star hotel and a freakin wedding gift). She's having a smaller ceremony this October at a local hotel for the 'rest of the family'. I expect cash bar and wouldn't be surprised if she tried to get people to pay for a plate. They already did a 'Jack and Jill' with a $50 ticket price per person.
then again, we're living in an age where people think it's acceptable to stick a fish in a vase as a centerpiece. As someone who has kept fish for a good while, i find that to be morally reprehensible.
No, i'm not a PETA member, unless you count the People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. But I find it totally unacceptable that someone would A) use an animal as a cheap table display B) not ensure that the animals they purchased can and will be taken care of.
But I digress;
I honestly believe it is the way society views these kinda things now. I'm old fashioned; i believe that I pay my own way, and that of my girlfriend (unless she tells me not too, but i still object)
then again, we're living in an age where people think it's acceptable to stick a fish in a vase as a centerpiece. As someone who has kept fish for a good while, i find that to be morally reprehensible.
No, i'm not a PETA member, unless you count the People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. But I find it totally unacceptable that someone would A) use an animal as a cheap table display B) not ensure that the animals they purchased can and will be taken care of.
But I digress;
I honestly believe it is the way society views these kinda things now. I'm old fashioned; i believe that I pay my own way, and that of my girlfriend (unless she tells me not too, but i still object)
Seriously I feel like someone is describing MTVs new show - My Super Sweet Wedding
$200 a plate... I'd bring in McDonalds and a gift and not eat their $200 /plate food.
Me and my wife had our reception and we cooked ourselves for it. Yes I can cook for an army (or 40 people for thanksgiving). We had a few people not come because of a 1 yrs olds birthday party, someone steal $50 from the dollar dance proceeds, and some adults who don't live at home share a present with their parents and put their names on the card. But all that didn't matter... it was a great wedding (in Hawaii), a nice reception, a good time and a wonderful marriage.
$200 a plate... I'd bring in McDonalds and a gift and not eat their $200 /plate food.
Me and my wife had our reception and we cooked ourselves for it. Yes I can cook for an army (or 40 people for thanksgiving). We had a few people not come because of a 1 yrs olds birthday party, someone steal $50 from the dollar dance proceeds, and some adults who don't live at home share a present with their parents and put their names on the card. But all that didn't matter... it was a great wedding (in Hawaii), a nice reception, a good time and a wonderful marriage.
When I married, we didn't have any money but we made our reception the best gift to thank our guests for coming that we could - we gussied up our house and made or cooked everything ourselves.
My belief for hospitality is that you always offer the best you have to your guests.
We started months, even years ahead. We served only our own wines, beers, and Italian sodas (by filling a beer keg with water and putting out self-serve Torani syrups). My wife and I both had restaurant experience, so we were able to make a huge spread of pastries and hors d'eouvres. I made a massive temporary grill out of concrete blocks and steel grate big enough for dozens and dozens of pieces of chicken at a time - then delegated the grill to a couple of friends who somehow used 100 pounds of charcoal and made the area so incredibly hot that you could barely stand within 20 feet of the grill. We borrowed folding chairs from the Grange Hall, and seated 90 people in our small backyard.
People still remind me about our wedding on occasion - not because of what we paid, but for what we made for them.
Roger
My belief for hospitality is that you always offer the best you have to your guests.
We started months, even years ahead. We served only our own wines, beers, and Italian sodas (by filling a beer keg with water and putting out self-serve Torani syrups). My wife and I both had restaurant experience, so we were able to make a huge spread of pastries and hors d'eouvres. I made a massive temporary grill out of concrete blocks and steel grate big enough for dozens and dozens of pieces of chicken at a time - then delegated the grill to a couple of friends who somehow used 100 pounds of charcoal and made the area so incredibly hot that you could barely stand within 20 feet of the grill. We borrowed folding chairs from the Grange Hall, and seated 90 people in our small backyard.
People still remind me about our wedding on occasion - not because of what we paid, but for what we made for them.
Roger
What is being served for $200.00 a plate? Just for a reception of 150 ppl that's $30,000.00 for food. Tacky.
Is the cost of the entire reception, i.e., hall rental, food, music, bar etc. being divided up bet. the Guests? It's tacky.
If your Dad can't swing the cost, he should RSVP his regrets by the date requested, then send his gift to the Brides home prior to. If he is truly friends with this family they should understand the financial burden and not give it a second thought. If it does, that person is probably not a "Friend".
In our family weddings, there have been guests who did not give any gift but they attended and that was what was the most important. We knew they were stretching to make a trip to attend and we were grateful for that. But hey, we didn't charge anyone for the food, open bar, or dancing.
A wedding first and foremost, is for family and friends to celebrate the couple getting married and be present at the exchange of vows.
BTW, did I say I think thie is terribly tacky? But that's my opinion and I could be wrong.
Sue
Is the cost of the entire reception, i.e., hall rental, food, music, bar etc. being divided up bet. the Guests? It's tacky.
If your Dad can't swing the cost, he should RSVP his regrets by the date requested, then send his gift to the Brides home prior to. If he is truly friends with this family they should understand the financial burden and not give it a second thought. If it does, that person is probably not a "Friend".
In our family weddings, there have been guests who did not give any gift but they attended and that was what was the most important. We knew they were stretching to make a trip to attend and we were grateful for that. But hey, we didn't charge anyone for the food, open bar, or dancing.
A wedding first and foremost, is for family and friends to celebrate the couple getting married and be present at the exchange of vows.
BTW, did I say I think thie is terribly tacky? But that's my opinion and I could be wrong.
Sue
We agree.......I'd go and carry a can of sardines, some tabasco, and crackers in my pocket and keep my $200.00......I'd not fund a honeymoon unless I was invited along...
....The wife and I were married in my parents living room......27 years ago.
I paid for the wedding... to each of the three women I married.
My first wedding, in Indonesia, was so large that I'm still paying for it! And still people were complaining that they had to pay for their own flight. All the rest was catered for
Super Tacky...
I'd say your Dad needs to find some new friends................unbelievable
The stories in this thread are a crack up. I honestly don't get the whole blow out wedding bash where the father of the bride is expected to go into hock paying for it. But if you're bound and determined to do it, I'd say it's in poor taste to ask others to pay for the meal (crackers and sardines??? Too funny 
)
My wife and I got married in front of the JP for 50 bucks. About 12 people were there and around 40 at the reception that was put on for us gratis as our wedding gift. That and the honeymoon suite at the Hilton. Shep thought he was gonna get lucky that night but his beautiful bride who doesn't drink got wasted on Champagne and passed out
, but that's another story.
12, 15, 20, 50 thousand dollars for a freakin' wedding?!? ****e, use it as a down payment for your first house. That's how I always felt about it, but I'm a practical sort.
)My wife and I got married in front of the JP for 50 bucks. About 12 people were there and around 40 at the reception that was put on for us gratis as our wedding gift. That and the honeymoon suite at the Hilton. Shep thought he was gonna get lucky that night but his beautiful bride who doesn't drink got wasted on Champagne and passed out
, but that's another story. 12, 15, 20, 50 thousand dollars for a freakin' wedding?!? ****e, use it as a down payment for your first house. That's how I always felt about it, but I'm a practical sort.
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