Very nice PIF, but I will be passing on this one. Thanks for doing this!
What time is it? Time for a Father's Day PIF
- Thread starter oc_in_fw
- Start date
I was asked to write a "substantial" letter to a graduating high school senior. This letter and other from adults who had helped her grow up during her first eighteen years are being put into a notebook. The notebook will be presented to her just before she receives her high school diploma.
I was flattered and then stymied. What should i say to this kid? A kid I'd known and worked with for ten years. A kid I really liked. A kid that had the talents to do much with her life. I remembered the "talk" my Dad had with me when I graduated high school. At the time I was considering the military, college, doing nothing for a year, etc... Instead of school versus fun versus the military versus getting a job he talked about how I could control what others thought of and about me. I decided to plagiarize my Dad's advice and I passed this "talk" forward to "Samantha". (not her real name)
Hi there Samantha, youve successfully completed high school. Time to Move On!
Please consider the following first person concepts. Yes, this is all about you!
You are getting, in writing, the verbal discussion I had with my Dad, way back in 1972. It took a decade or so, but I discovered, and am still discovering, dear old Dad knew what he was talking about when he shared these questions.
Need is about absolute essentials. For most of us, needs are more than basic food, clothing, and shelter. Needs include the stuff that makes ones life fulfilling. For myself, I need (in alphabetical order):
You have unique, absolute needs that make perfect sense to you. One of your lifes challenges will be finding a career that helps fulfill your unique, absolute needs. Limiting fulfillment to hobbies, and when I can fit it in is a recipe for future unhappiness. What are your absolute needs? Make a list; see if it changes over time
What do I want? Most people have a long list of things they want. Some are material: nice home, nice car, great jewelry, etc. Some are more ethereal: the perfect job, the perfect relationship, more free time, etc.
Wants add spice to ones life. Too much spice often ruins the dish. Learning how to keep wants in balance is a lifelong endeavor.
Am I going to become known as a giver or a taker? As people, we continually give and take: time, effort, money, love, emotional support, physical support, tangible goods, etc., as we interact with those around us.
We live in societies as members and as individuals. We depend on others. Others depend on us. Those with innate gifts, earned or given, often have the opportunity to control what they give and what they take from others. You are one of those gifted people. You have the intelligence, talents, upbringing, and drive to do much with your life. Those with gifts must choose how to use them.
All of this boils down to balance
How will you balance your needs
May your life become all you desire!
_______________________
Mr. L.
I was flattered and then stymied. What should i say to this kid? A kid I'd known and worked with for ten years. A kid I really liked. A kid that had the talents to do much with her life. I remembered the "talk" my Dad had with me when I graduated high school. At the time I was considering the military, college, doing nothing for a year, etc... Instead of school versus fun versus the military versus getting a job he talked about how I could control what others thought of and about me. I decided to plagiarize my Dad's advice and I passed this "talk" forward to "Samantha". (not her real name)
Lifes Balance Sheet
Hi there Samantha, youve successfully completed high school. Time to Move On!
Please consider the following first person concepts. Yes, this is all about you!
- What do I need?
- What do I want?
- What am I willing to give to others?
- What do I expect to get from others?
You are getting, in writing, the verbal discussion I had with my Dad, way back in 1972. It took a decade or so, but I discovered, and am still discovering, dear old Dad knew what he was talking about when he shared these questions.
Need is about absolute essentials. For most of us, needs are more than basic food, clothing, and shelter. Needs include the stuff that makes ones life fulfilling. For myself, I need (in alphabetical order):
- to improve things around me. Teaching kids helps me fulfill this innate need.
- constant intellectual stimulation. Boredom has no place in my life.
- constant movement. Sitting still isnt in my genes.
- my wife. I cannot imagine life without Sally. Shes part of me.
You have unique, absolute needs that make perfect sense to you. One of your lifes challenges will be finding a career that helps fulfill your unique, absolute needs. Limiting fulfillment to hobbies, and when I can fit it in is a recipe for future unhappiness. What are your absolute needs? Make a list; see if it changes over time
What do I want? Most people have a long list of things they want. Some are material: nice home, nice car, great jewelry, etc. Some are more ethereal: the perfect job, the perfect relationship, more free time, etc.
- What am I willing to do to get things I want? Too often, one finds their absolute needs suffer when the I wants get out of control.
- Who am I willing to hurt to fulfill these needs? We often hurt those around us as we try to meet our needs. Life is about balancing personal needs and wants with those around you.
- What are the trade-offs I am willing to make? There are costs associated with every action and inaction. You cannot do it all. Managing limited resources: time, effort, talents, expectations, and desires is a full-time task that few truly master.
Wants add spice to ones life. Too much spice often ruins the dish. Learning how to keep wants in balance is a lifelong endeavor.
Am I going to become known as a giver or a taker? As people, we continually give and take: time, effort, money, love, emotional support, physical support, tangible goods, etc., as we interact with those around us.
- How do I plan to share my talents, my resources, and the gifts given to me? Giving and sharing can be fulfilling. Keeping all the good stuff to oneself can result in a lonely life. Neither of these statements are absolute truisms. Start pondering this question. I hope over time you will embrace this implied challenge.
- What do I need from others? This question is tougher than it seems at first glance. We do not exist on our own. Over your lifetime you will receive support from others in many forms.
- Formal and informal education/advice paid for, freely shared, wanted, and annoying
- Money borrowed, gifted, and earned
- Trust earned and given
- Understanding given and earned
- Responsibilities wanted, unwanted, and feared
- Love and maybe some devotion will come your way
- Etc., etc., etc. and the list goes on
We live in societies as members and as individuals. We depend on others. Others depend on us. Those with innate gifts, earned or given, often have the opportunity to control what they give and what they take from others. You are one of those gifted people. You have the intelligence, talents, upbringing, and drive to do much with your life. Those with gifts must choose how to use them.
All of this boils down to balance
How will you balance your needs
with the needs of those around you?
May your life become all you desire!
_______________________
Mr. L.
I'm in! Thanks for offering this unbelievable PIF!
my father was a traveling salesman in the Midwest and wasn't home as often as he would have liked. A WWII vet just putting food on the table for 4 kids. I remember he always went to every little league game, recital for my sister or pta meeting when he was home. Usually this was accompanied by a trip to the ice cream shop for us and our friends afterward. Most vivid memory was my gentle dad marching down to the grade school to confront an *** of a teacher who threw an eraser and hit my sis in the face. We always knew how he felt even though he couldn't always be there.
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- #45
I, of course, am not in. I learned many things from my father- most just by observing. I learned that you go to work every day and work hard. If you don't like what you do, try to find another job, don't slack off at the one you have. I learned to fix things. We didn't have much money growing up, so my father could be quite the handyman. I swear, that man can look at a nut, ask for a wrench, and 99% of the time will ask for the right size. The most important thing I learned was how to treat your wife. Sure, my parents, like all parents, got into arguments. Any time an argument started to get too heated, my father excused himself and went to the garage, or went for a walk for a while. This diffused situations, and rational discussions could then occur. It is only recently that I learned that my paternal grandfather (whom I am named after, but died before I was born) was abusive to my grandmother. This only stopped when my father (he is 6' 2", and bigger than his father) threatened to knock him down a peg or two. I inherited my grandfather's temper, but thanks to seeing how my father handled it, I learned to just walk away for a bit. As hot headed as I can be, I have never said an ugly word to my wife. I hope my grandsons see that and learn how to treat a woman, and that my granddaughters learn what they should expect from a man.
I'm in. Thanks for doing this.
My father and I are very different people. However, I have always admired many things about him including his integrity, straight forward philosophy of life and work ethic.
My grandfather died when I was 12. He and I were, in my memory, very much alike. He liked corny jokes. He loved technology and any sort of advancement. He wanted to build a helicopter when he was in his 60s. He built a motorcycle that I inherited from him, a 1968 Norton that I still have. He was what would today be called a "maker". My memory of him inspires me in much of my life, I just wish I'd had more time with him.
My father and I are very different people. However, I have always admired many things about him including his integrity, straight forward philosophy of life and work ethic.
My grandfather died when I was 12. He and I were, in my memory, very much alike. He liked corny jokes. He loved technology and any sort of advancement. He wanted to build a helicopter when he was in his 60s. He built a motorcycle that I inherited from him, a 1968 Norton that I still have. He was what would today be called a "maker". My memory of him inspires me in much of my life, I just wish I'd had more time with him.
Very nice PIF guys. I'm not in.
I've been reading and enjoying these stories, some of which have brought a bit of a tear to my eyes. I can't even tell you when my dad passed as I tend to celebrate a life lived rather than a date it ended. He is with me so often in my memories and I catch myself whistling one of his tunes or using one of his phrases. Funny to see my dad in myself and funnier yet to see it in my younger brother too.
I've been reading and enjoying these stories, some of which have brought a bit of a tear to my eyes. I can't even tell you when my dad passed as I tend to celebrate a life lived rather than a date it ended. He is with me so often in my memories and I catch myself whistling one of his tunes or using one of his phrases. Funny to see my dad in myself and funnier yet to see it in my younger brother too.
I am in.
Here's my story:
We often think that the most important gifts and experiences aren't the material. And this is no doubt true. But part of living is living in and with the material realities of life, and these material realities and how we deal with them can enter so deeply into our character. And the other way around is true, also! Our character can imbue material realities with character by association, use, and working.
I was playing the video game "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" as a boy. I loved video games, and I had a very nice 'strategy guide' for the game, because when I wasn't playing it, I wanted to be *reading* about it. And one afternoon my brother and I got in a fight, and my brother tore the edge of my strategy guide. I don't think it was sheer malice, but we were fighting, and it infuriated me. Mom sorted us out for fighting, but I was still upset at the guide. It was perfectly usable still, only one page was slightly torn, but *tarnished*.
My dad saw how upset I was when he got home. So he went to a bookstore and bought me another. And he told me "Now you can have this one for keeping nice, and that one for using."
Now, was that necessary? No, I absolutely did not need another strategy guide. But it was like an exceptional gift to me. My young child pride of ownership had latched onto it, and he respected that; and moreover, just demonstrated his love with a degree of completely unnecessary excess.
I don't love my dad because of the material things he gives me. But how can his love for me fail to enter into the tangible, material realities of the world?
Here's my story:
We often think that the most important gifts and experiences aren't the material. And this is no doubt true. But part of living is living in and with the material realities of life, and these material realities and how we deal with them can enter so deeply into our character. And the other way around is true, also! Our character can imbue material realities with character by association, use, and working.
I was playing the video game "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" as a boy. I loved video games, and I had a very nice 'strategy guide' for the game, because when I wasn't playing it, I wanted to be *reading* about it. And one afternoon my brother and I got in a fight, and my brother tore the edge of my strategy guide. I don't think it was sheer malice, but we were fighting, and it infuriated me. Mom sorted us out for fighting, but I was still upset at the guide. It was perfectly usable still, only one page was slightly torn, but *tarnished*.
My dad saw how upset I was when he got home. So he went to a bookstore and bought me another. And he told me "Now you can have this one for keeping nice, and that one for using."
Now, was that necessary? No, I absolutely did not need another strategy guide. But it was like an exceptional gift to me. My young child pride of ownership had latched onto it, and he respected that; and moreover, just demonstrated his love with a degree of completely unnecessary excess.
I don't love my dad because of the material things he gives me. But how can his love for me fail to enter into the tangible, material realities of the world?
wow, very thoughtful and thought-provoking. thanks for sharing this.
I'm in. No single heart warming story comes to mind about my dad. We had a difficult relationship, neither able to show our feelings or be all that open with each other, except to some degree at the very end. But when push came to shove, he'd be there for me. So I've tried to be there for my kids and do a bit better with open communication.
That's a beautiful time piece and a super generous PIF! I'd be a fool if I didn't say it, so I'm In!
I am very fortunate to have had a great relationship with both my father and my maternal grandfather. My grandfather and I have lots of fond memories. He is a very reserved man of Scandinavian descent but took a special liking to me and we ended up closer than my other cousins did. We hiked dozens of mountains in the Appalachian Green and White Mountain ranges of Vermont and New Hampshire, my earliest hike at the age of 3 upon which I walked the entire way up and slept the entire way down on his shoulders. He also taught me piano and organ lessons for many years as well as sharing many stories with my young ears, eager to listen. My father and I also had a number of adventures together but I am especially grateful for when my father presented me with a "difficult" choice. When I graduated high school I did not want to immediately go to college and my father said "I won't make you go to college, but once you are done with high school you can not stay in my house unless you are a student." I chose school, and although I went away and didn't end up living at my parents house anyway I still enjoyed the privilege of living there in the summer and winter breaks. I am thankful for the extra push my father always gave me. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!
I am very fortunate to have had a great relationship with both my father and my maternal grandfather. My grandfather and I have lots of fond memories. He is a very reserved man of Scandinavian descent but took a special liking to me and we ended up closer than my other cousins did. We hiked dozens of mountains in the Appalachian Green and White Mountain ranges of Vermont and New Hampshire, my earliest hike at the age of 3 upon which I walked the entire way up and slept the entire way down on his shoulders. He also taught me piano and organ lessons for many years as well as sharing many stories with my young ears, eager to listen. My father and I also had a number of adventures together but I am especially grateful for when my father presented me with a "difficult" choice. When I graduated high school I did not want to immediately go to college and my father said "I won't make you go to college, but once you are done with high school you can not stay in my house unless you are a student." I chose school, and although I went away and didn't end up living at my parents house anyway I still enjoyed the privilege of living there in the summer and winter breaks. I am thankful for the extra push my father always gave me. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!
- Thread starter
- #52
Maybe some of you might want to write WarrenB a thank you note for this PIF. This can help:
http://badgerandblade.com/vb/showthread.php/490987-PIF-Pen-amp-Ink
http://badgerandblade.com/vb/showthread.php/490987-PIF-Pen-amp-Ink
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I'm in.
Back in first grade some time in early May my dad came by and took me out of class early. This was a total surprise to me and even better when we went to Dairy Queen for ice cream cones. I got a twist cone with crunch coat. This was a special event. I mean heck I can recall the cone 30 yrs later!
I hope to have more of these kind of memorable events with my own son. My 5 yr old boy beating me down the hill on skis ranks right up there. Sneaky bugger left while I was still strapping into my snowboard!
Back in first grade some time in early May my dad came by and took me out of class early. This was a total surprise to me and even better when we went to Dairy Queen for ice cream cones. I got a twist cone with crunch coat. This was a special event. I mean heck I can recall the cone 30 yrs later!
I hope to have more of these kind of memorable events with my own son. My 5 yr old boy beating me down the hill on skis ranks right up there. Sneaky bugger left while I was still strapping into my snowboard!
- Thread starter
- #54
I want to add another story. If others want to do more, please feel free, although it won't increase chances (however, adding a contributor tag will). It was a Friday in Oct 1981, and when I came home from school I found out my father was going to take me to the NFL Hall of Fame on Sunday morning (we lived a half hour away). Now normally, getting up at 0 dark 30 on a Sunday was quite alien to me, but you can bet that I practically leaped out of bed that Sunday at 600. We got dressed, hopped into a car, and headed to Canton. We stopped at a diner to get breakfast. We got eggs sunny side up, hash browns, and toast. My father mixed his eggs up into the hash browns, and added pepper and ketchup. To this day I still do this, although I usually do over easy, because I don't like runny eggs. It was a fun day- just me and him, sharing our common love of football, although he's a Raiders fan- there is no accounting for taste 
He still doesn't believe it was a catch (Immaculate Reception). Monday Night Football was one of the nights of the week where I was allowed to stay up past bed time, and because of that memory, I will never give up MNF (although Gruden is really making me question that decision).
He still doesn't believe it was a catch (Immaculate Reception). Monday Night Football was one of the nights of the week where I was allowed to stay up past bed time, and because of that memory, I will never give up MNF (although Gruden is really making me question that decision).
I'm in. Good memory of my dad was going fishing after he would get home from work. He would pick up chicken and jojo potatoes and we would fish on lakes his friend had in NE Ohio. Those were great times. One other that sticks with me is when I was about 15 I'm 50 now. We went to the Sportsmens show in Cleveland that had all sorts of outdoor things, fishing, hunting, etc. we are coming up escalator and I'm running my yap talking to everyone behind me. I'm leaning on handrail and when we get to the top of course it rounds over. Boom[emoji378][emoji378] I go down hard in front of huge crowds of people. My dad says very loudly " WHAT, ARE YOU STUPID? "
That still sticks with me 35 years later. Who says words don't traumatized you? Hahaha or are these tears from emotional scarring? My wife laughs every time I go near an escalator. Ps I'm weirdly hesitant on escalators.
That still sticks with me 35 years later. Who says words don't traumatized you? Hahaha or are these tears from emotional scarring? My wife laughs every time I go near an escalator. Ps I'm weirdly hesitant on escalators.
I'm in: (Thanks for this amazing opportunity!)
I tried to instill a sense of civic responsibility and a sense of humor to my children. I recall a humorous incident about 18 years ago, when my eldest son, Andrew was about six or seven years old. I had recently taken him to the barber for his summer "bean shave" - it was good and short.
The next day he was due at the hospital for a follow-up appointment from a previous visit to the ENT department. We had to take the elevator up a few flights. Have you ever entered a crowded elevator where everyone is just facing the front and nobody saying a single word: very awkward.
I was holding Andrew's hand, and then all of a sudden, without thinking, I looked down to Andrew and blurted out loud: "When I grow up, I want a haircut just like yours." That broke the ice and everyone started laughing.
Not much of a story, but it was a great moment for both of us.
I tried to instill a sense of civic responsibility and a sense of humor to my children. I recall a humorous incident about 18 years ago, when my eldest son, Andrew was about six or seven years old. I had recently taken him to the barber for his summer "bean shave" - it was good and short.
The next day he was due at the hospital for a follow-up appointment from a previous visit to the ENT department. We had to take the elevator up a few flights. Have you ever entered a crowded elevator where everyone is just facing the front and nobody saying a single word: very awkward.
I was holding Andrew's hand, and then all of a sudden, without thinking, I looked down to Andrew and blurted out loud: "When I grow up, I want a haircut just like yours." That broke the ice and everyone started laughing.
Not much of a story, but it was a great moment for both of us.
Im in! I dont have any stories growing up without a father but my grandfather was always around and I always looked up too him. One of the most memorable things that he taught me was everything from working with tools to working on cars to home maintenance and yard work he also taught me to be a very caring person for other people that are struggling now im still lucky to have him around and I still help him with what he can no longer do but now having my two sons I hope to be a great example for them as much as my grandfather is for me
I'm in
I remember my father putting my first watch on my wrist on my 5th birthday. Have a photo of it somewhere too. What a moment
I remember my father putting my first watch on my wrist on my 5th birthday. Have a photo of it somewhere too. What a moment
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- #59
Great stuff so far, everyone.
- Thread starter
- #60
Another piece of greatness by skypsyd (David)
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