Asking her mother?

I'm asking my girlfriend to marry soon. Like maybe this weekend. I'd meant to take to her father about asking her to marry me.

He had stage 4 cancer, and unfortunately passed away this last Christmas Eve.

I was wondering if I should go ahead and talk to her mother about it? Or is that a man to man thing? Or is even asking outdated?

I'm no expert (understatement), but I think that's perfectly appropriate. More so, in my view, than just asking one parent when both are available. Note, however, if your fiancé to be would be upset by the ask, you might want to pass on the courtesy to her mom.

It's a little out dated, but a very nice gesture nonetheless. It proves you want to be not only part of her life, but part of her family as well.

I'm sure her mother would be thrilled to have you ask.

What if she said no dice?

Interesting question. I never understood why i was expected to ask so didn't, the answer would have been no anyways. We've been married almost thirty two years now... our daughter's in her early twenties and i have no expectation of being asked by a future husband.

Come to think of it, i didn't really propose either, more just part of a conversation... 'wanna get married', 'yeah okay', 'settled, what should we cook for dinner tonight?'

dave

In general, I think that it's "asking for the hand" is long outdated. However I think that it's great that you 're considering it. Each couple creates there own rituals, even borrowing old-fashioned rituals which have great meaning to everyone involved.

But.....talk to our girlfriend first. I'm sure that everyone will be thrilled.

It may be old fashioned or quaint or whatever else you want to call it but IMHO it is entirely appropriate for you to talk to your future mother in law about the impending marriage. Remember, you are "marrying" her entire family in a sense; the entire lot will now become part of your extended family.

I don't think that asking dad or mom first is outdated at all. Simple tradition, a show of respect, courtesy, and good manners. Kind of advance information. Mom and dad birthed the daughter, so they are entitled to a little advance knowledge and consent for such a major life event.

That is very sad about losing her dad on Christmas Eve, but if he is not around, then by all means go ask mom. She will be flattered.

Good luck.

im just curious if the mother says no or im not really sure, would that affect your next step?

I think it a good idea to ask your future mother in law. It illustrates on your part acknowledgement of her role as the mother of your future bride. Out dated? Not for me and I'm no fuddy duddy. I think the fact that her husband just passed away is another good reason to do so. She will immediately realize that this conversation was intended to be man to man but no longer can be. I see it being a real good experience and likely emotional as well - and that is a good thing. Neither one of you will ever forget it.

Make a decision in the space of three breaths and strike forth

If you want to Do It! Honestly it didn't even cross my mind. I was selfish and knew I wanted her for the rest of my life and I thought of absolutely no one else. That's all that mattered to me. Well divorced 2 months later...just joking.

August West said:

What if she said no dice?

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I've thought about that. I think I may not necessarily make it a yes or no question, something like

"I'm going ask (name) to marry me, what are your thoughts on it? "

SlyMoose said:

I've thought about that. I think I've decided to not necessarily make it a yes or no question, something like

"I'm going ask (name) to marry me, what are your thoughts on it? "

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Sounds good. I wish the best for all of you.

Thanks everyone for
r the wonderful advice!

Does she have a brother

Hmmm, I was thinking sister

Proinsias said:

Hmmm, I was thinking sister

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Proinsias said:

Hmmm, I was thinking sister

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😅😅😅😅😅

RobsForge said:

Does she have a brother

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Unfortunately not, just a sister