Anyone here ever get out of a rut in life by making a complete change?

I'm talking about a bad rut.
I'm middle aged, dislike my job (stay there because the money is decent), hate my home and where I live.
I'm also single with no kids, and very few people to talk to.
Anyway, I've been thinking about finding a job that is not like what I do now, damn the pay, and selling my current home and using my savings and getting the hell out of here.
The question is, will I just fall in the same rut in a few years, or will I go from financial comfort to struggling?
I've got to do something, as the last ten years or more have just flew by with no change, or negative change.

If this was before the oil market crash, I'd tell you to try and be a roughneck. That's a complete 180 from probably anything you'd ever done. You'd be out in the middle of nowhere and hardly ever be home. Maybe you could look into something that gets you away like that?

Go for it, but after some careful research. If you are going to make a drastic change, I would really spend some time thinking over what it is that you want to do and where you want to live. Prayer is helpful also, at least for me.

May I ask what you do for work and what you don't like about it?

BSAGuy said:

Go for it, but after some careful research. If you are going to make a drastic change, I would really spend some time thinking over what it is that you want to do and where you want to live. Prayer is helpful also, at least for me.

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This. I'm all for change, but change for the sake of change usually doesn't lead to anything lasting. There has to be a real WHY behind it. Do some research to figure out what you might like doing. Meaning is a huge factor in life satisfaction. Usually we find meaning where our natural skills and inclinations meet a genuine need for others. I recommend starting with Strengths Finder 2.0 if you've never taken the time to identify what your skills actually are (probably a good 75% of us don't really know ourselves very well). There are free versions out there, but they tend to be too vague and generic. There are a lot of good podcasts out there as well. Michael Hyatt's This is Your Life is a pretty good one, as is Grant Baldwin's How Did You Get Into That.

Keep checking in and giving us updates.

life usually forces this change upon you. I installed pay telephone booths for a living and bang along comes the cell phone. boy did my life change. bridged it by installing private payphones for Amway owners then went off into construction to survive. all worked out but very scary and the "rut" was sure forgotten. hope it works out for you.

gwsmallwood said:

This. I'm all for change, but change for the sake of change usually doesn't lead to anything lasting. There has to be a real WHY behind it. Do some research to figure out what you might like doing. Meaning is a huge factor in life satisfaction. Usually we find meaning where our natural skills and inclinations meet a genuine need for others. I recommend starting with Strengths Finder 2.0 if you've never taken the time to identify what your skills actually are (probably a good 75% of us don't really know ourselves very well). There are free versions out there, but they tend to be too vague and generic. There are a lot of good podcasts out there as well. Michael Hyatt's This is Your Life is a pretty good one, as is Grant Baldwin's How Did You Get Into That.

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Excellent advice - the point is to know how you are wired.

Myself, in addition I would suggest finding out what your spiritual gifts are. Here is a link that is free and is what I am talking about although I have not taken this particular one: https://gifts.churchgrowth.org/cgi-cg/gifts.cgi

There are about a dozen and usually two of them predominate. The idea is to zoom back and evaluate not the place you live or the job you have but rather your strengths. I have always been in sales - computer services for EDS back in the day of Ross Perot, sold a popcorn program in the food service industry, sold lightbulbs door-to-door, and now my small business that I rum (freudian slip) run. There is no common link between the four other than this: Sales.

I'll be candid and say that my current gig is a stretch only because I am not face to face with prospects and customers like the three endeavors that preceded it. Stretching is good but be wary of doing something totally different. For instance, if I were to become a bookkeeper that would last about ten minutes. I'm not a detail person nor content to sit. Several who know me tease me that if I were a kid they would tell me I have A.D.D. So know yourself first and don't try to figure it out - test yourself and let an objective evaluation take place. It is possible it may confirm what you suspect and yet it may surprise you.

Good luck and keep us up to date!

I can totally relate as I felt pretty trapped for a while. I had a wife and kids so my situation was a bit different but I get what you're saying. We moved from Ohio to Arizona 11 years ago to get away from the snow and rain that seemed to keep us stuck inside the house for months at a time. I wanted to move to a warmer climate the day after we got married but my wife is close with her family so we were stuck there. The sky was always grey and the nice days were spent catching up on the yard work before it rained again. Winter and Fall seemed to merge into six months of snow and Spring was all rain with a few nice days mixed in. We spent the year waiting for summer that went by way too fast. Finally she had enough and we moved.

It's amazing how 300 sunny days a year can change your mental outlook on life.

I have no idea what you are doing for a living or if your same job would be available somewhere else. I also don't know why you don't like your current job. Maybe the same job somewhere else would be nice. I guess what I'm saying is why change everything all at once if you can still work in the same field that pays well. Maybe change one thing at a time. People tend to say that if you love your job then you'll never work a day in your life. That's great and all, but I've found for the most part that the jobs people absolutely love don't seem to pay very well. I've told my kids to find a job that they'd enjoy doing that also pays well. Because it's not fun being broke no matter how much you like your job. Not being able to pay the bills or do the things you want will stress you out just as much as the job you don't like. Financial independence does have it's advantages.

Moving across the country was one of the best decisions myself and my family has ever made. It was risky and bold but the weather has made a huge improvement in our mental well being and there is a ton more opportunity here. Maybe look into some opportunities in a climate that you might enjoy a bit more than where you're currently at. The decisions you make have to be planned and well thought out. If you're wanting to move you'll need to get a new job and carefully plan everything to reduce the risk involved. You'll also need to know what it is that's bothering you where you're at and why it'll be different if you move somewhere else. Do you need a environmental change or maybe a companion to share your life with, or both?

Some concerns I have is that your saying "Should I change absolutely everything?". Moving to a new place all by yourself can be depressing itself. I have to admit that even though I love it here I do miss home just because I spent the first 35 years of my life there. I still miss the people and my favorite restaurants. I have yet to find good Chinese food here. You're going to need to find a way to make all new friends as well. Join some groups and get involved, volunteer some time, and the dating sites make it so easy to meet someone now. Meet people however you can and develop some friendships or it'll be just as depressing in a new location.

Basically, you need to know what you're looking for in order to find it. If you can't find that where you're at then definitely go somewhere where you can find it. Life shouldn't be depressing. Talk to your doctor, explain your situation and ask their opinion as well. Sometimes it's a chemical thing that you may need a medication for, maybe not, but it's good to check it out so that the same problems don't follow you.

Know that change just for the sake of change won't usually solve anything, however the right changes will make all the difference.

Think about what is it that would make you happy? What is it that you want?

You're single with no kids?

Effing right man, go do it! Anything, whatever you want. Seriously. And don't think to much. If you wait until you're ready, you'll just end up waiting!

You state that you're not happy. That's as much between the ears as anything, but think of the adventure your life can be!

If I were in your situation, I would sell everything, go crew on a yacht, make my way to the Caribbean, lounge around for a while and then travel on.

That's me, what would you do if you could do anything? Because really, you can.

Figure out what turns you on and the place that turns you on. Then, go to that place and do that thing (or things). Whether you get back into a bad rut is entirely up to you.

Before you move somewhere, go check it out. Take a vacation and spend a week there. Look around. Chat with folks. Figure out what it costs to be there. See if you really can do the thing(s) that turn you on.

In other words, make your change, but have something of a plan.

Just wander the earth like Caine.

Ultimately, there is no geographical solution to a yearning of the soul.

I was just starting corporate training pipeline for Video Update back in the late nineties... when the video store market started falling apart. Glad that someone gave me a heads up and I made a change before I committed any more time & energy into a now extinct business model.
Sometimes it pays to see what's going on before the winds of change hit.

OP... Your last statement is the clincher... I've got to do something, as the last ten years or more have just flew by with no change, or negative change. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Not saying you are insane but it sure sounds like you want and need change, significant change.

Evaluate your situation. Sounds like you have.

Not sure how old you are or what life stage but know what your needs, wants, and dreams are.

You don't want to get into the same situation that just has a different look and location. Identify what you LOVE. Find an opportunity that allows you to do that and if you get paid for it even better!

Where you are is just as important as what you are doing there. Ask yourself: If I could live anywhere regardless of logistics, where would that be?

It sounds like you have few things holding you down. Get a dream, make a plan and go for it!

If you haven't I highly recommend readying The 4 Hour Work Week. I don't recommend doing everything Tim Ferriss says but it does make you want to quit whatever crappy thing you are doing and do something else.

You have no ties, so I say go for it. Pray about it, and the answer will come to you.

Here's my story:

I worked in the newspaper business for nearly two decades. Things started going from bad to worse for the industry and me where I worked until ultimately there was kind of a D-Day moment. I called my wife. She said if I didn't give them my notice, she was going to come down and do it for me. I gave them my letter of resignation that night.

I spent the entire two weeks of my notice and a week or so after that trying to figure out what I was going to do at age 40. I really didn't have a plan. I took a leap of faith in the dark on myself. I was considering everything from PR to driving a beer truck. The day I walked out and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has left the building" (to a standing ovation from my coworkers), I didn't have a clue what the future would hold. I was able to walk off the job because my wife was employed and we didn't have any major debt, but I couldn't be unemployed forever. We could manage on one income on a temporary basis.

Anyway, a week or so into my career hunt, my wife (who is a college professor) called me and said, "You've always talked about being a teacher. Is that something you still want to do?" I said, "Well, that would be OK, I guess, but I'd have to go back to school." Her reply was, "Good. Be over here at 2 p.m. I've enrolled you in the masters program. You interview with the education department today and start class Friday night." Me: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, OK."

I was starting the program mid stream (thanks to connections). I went to class from 6-10 Friday night and discovered I had two assignments that I obviously didn't know anything about due that night and two more due when I went back to class at 8 a.m. Saturday morning. I explained my situation to the professor and was granted clemency. I hadn't been in school in 15 years. I went home that night and stayed up until 2-3 a.m. knocking out the four assignments. I went to class the next morning*, started teaching on a traditional license about a month later, and have been living the dream ever since.

I love what I do, and I know I make a difference. I feel like what I did in my previous career was important, but by the end, I certainly didn't feel as if it mattered whether or not I went in each day. I absolutely wasn't happy about it like I am now.

* I am a military veteran who has stared down a super power; I've been shot at; I've run a marathon; and I've been eye to eye with a wild bear on the Appalachian Trail ... showing up for that second day of class was the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I thank God every day that I did.

3 words. Need more hobbies. People and opportunities will fall into place when you get out of your comfort zone and then when you find people or something you're happy doing, you will then know if you should make that drastic change.

BSAGuy said:

Go for it, but after some careful research. If you are going to make a drastic change, I would really spend some time thinking over what it is that you want to do and where you want to live. Prayer is helpful also, at least for me.

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I think the best things have been said, so I'll just echo the think it through real hard thing. I too am in this rut, and sound similar to you. I'm single, not quite middle age, hate my job badly, but as the money is good I can't replace it. As far as 'life' goes, I'm ok with how I live it, it's just the area I live in and the job that need change. I'm not changing a thing though until I know FOR SURE that what I'm going to do is what I need in my life.

One thing I have noticed, is that inside and under a certain pay scale, a lot of jobs and 'careers' seem to be places that will just get me in this rut again. So sit back, relax, think it through hard, and appreciate the fact that you are single with a smaller social circle. There is GREAT benefit in that!

nsl said:

I'm talking about a bad rut.
I'm middle aged, dislike my job (stay there because the money is decent), hate my home and where I live.
I'm also single with no kids, and very few people to talk to.
Anyway, I've been thinking about finding a job that is not like what I do now, damn the pay, and selling my current home and using my savings and getting the hell out of here.
The question is, will I just fall in the same rut in a few years, or will I go from financial comfort to struggling?
I've got to do something, as the last ten years or more have just flew by with no change, or negative change.

Click to expand...

Is this how you feel?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUEy8nZvpdM

Is this what your looking for?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpXMnY_t03M

Then this is what you need to know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QefukAG2io

I don't think I need to move across country or anything like some of you did.
I would probably be fine just an hour or so away, just in a rural setting and a nicer, more comfortable home.
As far as my job, the work itself is OK, its the people that make it terrible.
Everything from higher ups, to the workers that are below me just make me hate life.
Not to mention I'm on nights, so I am always tired.