My father's passing

I've only been on the forum for short periods of time these past few months, my father has been in a nursing home for the past 21 months, and I've been spending time with him. I have no brothers or sisters, so I was there every day for him, as my mother passed some 6 years ago. He had been living alone and doing quite well since her passing, but over time he kept falling, then was unable to walk or care for himself. This made the nursing home the only place where he would be safe and taken care of. He did realize that he had to be there, but he didn't like it at all. He overcame many set backs, open heart surgery, complete bowl removal, problems breathing, and a host of other things, but always bounced right back. He was not happy at all the past couple of years, and kept saying that all he wanted was to be with my mother, with whom he spent just short of 64 years. It all started to go down hill last Monday when the end started. For the entire week he was just sort of like in a coma, but he kept hanging in there, he was unresponsive but breathing on his own and just existing. I was called in the morning and told I'd better get in there on Sept. 3rd., that it looked like the end was nearing. I went in and spent 9 or 10 hours there but he just would not let go. I even told him it was O.K. to go, that he's done the best he could have done, that most of the important people had been to see him, the priest had given him the sacrament of the sick, and that he didn't have to hold on any longer. Even that didn't seem to work, as he lasted through the night and into the day of Sept. 4th. I had gone home that evening fully expecting to get the call sometime during the night, but the call never came. I went back to the nursing home the morning of the 4th, stayed with him right up until just before 2 P.M. I looked at him laying there and told him again that it was O.K. to just let go. A few minutes later I looked at him, he really hadn't moved all week, and he kind of moved his arms, moved his jaw, which had just been open for over a week, and closed his eyes, and that was it. I called the nurse and said that I think it was the time, and she came in, checked him over, and said yes it was, he had passed. He was 93 years old, and now another part of life has taken place, and now my life will move on. I was prepared for what happened, but its still kind of hard. He had been with me for so long that I guess I thought he's always going be there. I'll get through it though, and time will heal the sadness. I didn't mean to ramble like this, but this is such a great place, and I'm having trouble sleeping tonight, its now almost 3 A.M. on Sept. 5th. There was no hope of him ever getting out of the nursing home, and he wasn't at all happy there. So this is probably for the better.

It's tough going through this sort of thing, but it's a natural part of life. As I've said in other posts, sometimes hospice just isn't an option. We do the best we can and that's all anyone can ask of us. You were a good son and were with him as much as possible and that's admirable. I've seen many who never visited there family. My deepest condolences to you. God bless.

Sir, you have my condolences.

My father also passed last week. These times are never easy but I remind myself he lived a full life and enjoyed its every moment.

May you have peace and continue to look forward and live that same life as will I.

I never know the right thing to say in times like this. So this is me just walking up to you, giving you a big, warm hug from my heart and walking away. Everything was said with the hug. God Bless!!

Sorry to hear of your Dad's passing, Paul.

I read your post and it touched my heart, tough situation and my thoughts are with you.

When my time comes I hope my son is there for me like you were for your old man.

Sp sorry for your loss. There is no easy way for these events to unfold. You were a gem to be with your father so much.

My condolences, sir, on the passing of your Father. We went through something very similar when our Mom passed. All you can really do is be there for them. It seems you are handling things as well as can be expected.

So sorry for your loss

-Stephen

My sympathies and prayers are with you. I lost my Dad last year and nothing prepares you for the loss.

Paul, condolences.

I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Paul, very sorry for your loss. I lost my father two years ago. He also had many physical problems and on that basis his passing was a blessing for him. I was glad for him, but I still miss him all the time. Hang in there. It gets a little easier each week.

Your situation sounds a lot like mine years ago. I am sorry for your loss.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. I really hope your family finds peace with this soon. He's definitely in a better place now.

My sincere condolences. Losing a parent is so very hard. When my father died, I felt as though the child in me had died with him. Yes, you are right, you will get through this, and in time the pain of his loss will lessen. I believe that the depth of loss we experience is in exact measure to the love we have for those who pass. It is never easy.

Be well.

That is not rambling.

Peace.

peace

Paul,

Thanks you for sharing from your heart. Some of us have walked that path, some are about to, but all will eventually. May you find peace and strength through this time of grief and may your tears be replaced by smiles and wonderful memories.

Steve

I don't know what to say other than "condolences", but you seem to have said it all already. Well said, and we all wish the best for you and yours in this tough time.

Thank you for sharing, and dare I say it, spilling your heart to us on such a difficult day. Condolences to you.
I have the feeling quite a few of us are experiencing the same issues at this time.