*Sigh*. This is not 'chemical bullshit', this is just stating in an objective fashion what is in a product. Unfortunately, most teachers at high school do a terrific job of scaring the kids with difficult latiny-sounding names, and are unable to explain the beauty of the system as well as the underlying reality it represents. As a result, kids are emotionally scarred for life, treating everything which even resembles chemistry with distrust and hatred.
Let's break down the components, shall we? I have in front of me a tub of Eton College cream, which contains:
- Aqua
- Stearic Acid
- Myristic Acid
- Potassium Hydroxyide
- Coconut Acid
- Glycerin
- Parfum
- Triethanolamine
- Sodium Hydroxide
- Methylparaben
- Propylparaben
Let's begin with the parfum, which I have not broken down. Perfume contains compounds which to our nose smell nicely. Geraniol, for example, is the main ingredient of the scent of geraniums. D-limonene is found in limes. Linalool is found in many plants known for their pleasant scents: rosewood, cinnamon, laurel. Extracting the compounds out of plant matter is a helluvalot cheaper and easier than synthesising them from scratch. One half of chemical bullshit (measured in lines taken up on the sticker listing the ingredients) is therefore simply a mixture of 'natural' fragrances.
Aqua---I trust that you know what that is.
Stearic acid, myristic acid, coconut acid---these are the actual soap in the shaving cream. Without these three, you wouldn't be able to shave. Their origin is plantlike, as stated above. Shaving cream vendors can play with the ratio of these acids (by adding more or less of a specific type of vegetable oil or fat) to alter the properties of the cream.
Glycerin---this is a by-product of the saponification process, i.e., the process which liberates the above three acids from their chemical hold. The molecule holding the acids in place is, in fact, glycerin. Sometimes the glycerin is removed, but since it has pleasant hydrating properties, it is usually removed only partially. Sometimes it is even added as an extra to make very soft soaps.
Potassium hydroxide, sodium hydroxide---these two are used in the saponification process to actually separate the acids from the glycerin. Using only potassium hydroxide would result in a liquid soap, while only sodium hydroxide would result in a hard soap. Obviously, by combining the two you get something in between. Strictly speaking, these compounds should no longer be present in the cream as
on their own they cause skin irritation; I suspect, however, that TOBS added just enough to completely neutralise the
acid parts in the stearic, ... molecules so that these dissolve more easily. In other words: at this point the ingredients list will confuse a casual reader unless he applies some chemistry 101.
Triethanolamine---is a compound which is added to control the pH of the product. It is a weak base, much weaker than the hydroxides mentioned above, so apparently the product on its own was too acidic for comfort. Without further information on the quantities in which each of the compounds is present, I cannot say to what extent the amine ups the pH.
Methylparaben, propylparaben---conservatives. You don't want molds in your tub of cream, do you?
There you have it, everything that's in your tub of TOBS. As for Captain Hook in the 1500's... Well, actually, apart from the triethanolamine and the parabens he would've shaved with pretty much the same mess of chemical bullshit, really

. In fact, his shaving cream probably contained more chemical bullshit as the compounds weren't as pure as they are today.
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