"used to use Noxzema to wash my face when I was a teen. Dried the heck outta my skin. "
Have you used Proraso to wash your face? Here, I'm more concerned with Noxema used as a preshave than for its washing properties. They do market it as a 'moisturizing skin cleanser'. Though I don't see specifically what ingredient in it would make it any more soap-like than the Proraso.
"I use Proraso Pre/Dopo, from a jar labeled pre-shave. The second thing I noticed about it was how perfectly moisturizing a post-shave it was."
It is not marketed (by Proraso) as a post shave anymore, they have dropped anything having to do with Post from their label. I am more interested in it as it functions for it's intended purpose from the manufacturer, as a preshave.
"Hey, if you're happy using Noxzema, that's great. I just don't see the need to say "A causes tingle, B causes tingle, therefore A = B." There's more to it than that."
I'm not saying a=b because they both have a tingle. I'm saying that they seem to perform similarly as a preshave, and both have similar primary ingredients. I'm not trying to disregard public concensus of "what actually works better", but if ingredients are roughly the same, and it works roughly the same as a preshave (for me), I'm not paying 12x as much.
"the thing that's missing from noxzema is the glycerin, which in this case is one of, if not THE beard softening agent."
Yeah I noticed that too. However, I did notice the Noxema contains propylene glycol which it turns out is similar to glycerine and is considered in the same category of water-retaining, moisturizing, lubricating substances, a Humectant. I did not notice any difference in the beard softening effect. Though I have thick whiskers and don't get a whole lot of beard softening from anything regardless.