I just figured I would check in this morning, after the best shave of my 24 years. No weepers, no irritation, and smooth like never before. I've been using a Slim for a while, with Red Personna blades, and today I reached for the AOS Sandalwood cream. The planets must have aligned (or my skin was just ready for it, because I hadn't shaved in 3 days because I was pretty sick), because the results were incredible.
I think some (most?) of the problem I had been having was that I was still using too much pressure. It's still much much less than I would ever have used with an M3, but still probably more than I should have been using. I think it's because I started out on the Merkur blades, and they were so forgiving that I needed to use pressure to even get a close shave. Now that I've got all kinds of blades, I've been forcing myself to dial it down.
Anyways, thanks again to everyone who has helped me on my journey here. I'm sure I'll have another revelation in a few weeks or so