More Men's Rules.

[evil.monkey.in.my.closet]

Enjoy!

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5:Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

13:Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

15: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

25: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

26: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

I hope this clears up any confusion.

[rabidpotatochip]

As a man, I don't need rules! That's right, bask in my manliness!

[RichGem]

As a man, I don't need rules! That's right, bask in my manliness!

It's OK guys, Mrs. Chip gave him permission (edit: to post this).

[sol92258]

As a man, I don't need rules! That's right, bask in my manliness!

Ummmm, I'll just take your word for it, no basking for me, thanks....

[Prince]

#20 is dead on.

[Doc4]

As a man, I don't need rules! That's right, bask in my manliness!

basktard!

[sol92258]

basktard!

[R-James]

That is hilarious!

[texcattlerancher]

Just by the language used, "blokes" and "mates", I conclude that this was written by one of our male shaving brethren who resides somewhere other than the US. It is good to see that Man laws are truly universal.

[netsurfr]

Enjoy!
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

Not sure whether that is 'balls' or just pure insanity.

[sol92258]

Not sure whether that is 'balls' or just pure insanity.

...or if you get to keep them afterward!

[dpm802]

12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Except ... if you're a guest on Jerry Springer, fighting naked is required.

[Ernie]

That author has a couple of Freudian issues.

[DMac]

Enjoy!


25: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

correction: there is one reason:
[youtube]gyHlX1PR-gY[/youtube]

[jlmwrite]

My wife tells me that I'm not very amused by this.

I AM, DAMMIT, I AM!!!!! (Please, honey, <ouch> put away your broom!)

[Doc4]

Except ... if you're a guest on Jerry Springer, fighting naked is required.

Only women and crossdressers fight on Springer. The guys just stand back and chuckle ...

[stobes21]

correction: there is one reason:
[youtube]gyHlX1PR-gY[/youtube]

Okay, so I sat here and debated whether to click the video for a solid 30 seconds. And then I clicked, and literally laughed out loud. Well played sir, well played.

Also: 24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

Is the comma between lime and green a typo? Because I see nothing wrong with a dark green vehicle. In fact, I drive one, and have never questioned the appropriateness of the color.

[Must Dash]

correction: there is one reason:

I watched it twice. Just to be sure.


Cheers


Jeremy

[thirdeye]

As a man, I don't need rules! That's right, bask in my manliness!

PSST...You better turn around, the wife is standing right there....