Advice: Relocating My Family

Good Afternoon B&B

I'd like to hear the insights of anyone who has relocated his/her family for a job opportunity. I currently live in the Midwest but have earned a job offer that would require a long-distance relocation. The job opportunity itself is pretty great with a lot of potential and much better climate; however the biggest upside I identity is that it will enable me more time with my wife and kids as we'll be able to live much closer to my work than we do currently. On the downside, I'll be moving us away from the only family and friends they've ever known - they will get more time with me, but at the expense of everyone else. My wife is hesitant but willing, and my kids are still too young to really understand (age 5 and under).

For those who have undertaken a move like this, can you talk a bit about your experience? Anyone out there pass on an opportunity like this and have regrets? Thanks in advance to all for taking the time to read.

Go for it.

Things need to change every so often.

It seems insurmountably at first, but once you are settled in it is all ancient history before you know it.

My experience may or not be of value to you, but I will note what I can. While in the military we moved quite a bit. I never expected to have close ties within the civilian neighborhood, so that was not missed. My wife had close ties within her congregation but found others where we moved. The "worst" was a move from where the kids were in school after about seven years from the U.S. to Italy. There was a lot of gnashing of teeth about leaving friends and classmates; I said it would be a wonderful opportunity. Both of the kids adapted well once there and after meeting new friends, but spending adolescent years outside your own culture was not particularly easy. Therefore, from my experience, if your opportunities are really good, do it now before the kids are older. Good luck and best wishes to you! It is not an easy decision, I know.

If your wife is supportive and you like the job, go for it. Be sure to get lots of input from her on the job and the move. Our family made a move like this 17 years ago. Took my wife from her hometown at age of 37. It was the only place she had ever lived other than college.

I had her meet my prospective boss over dinner to see what her "female intuition" was. She approved.

A big move like this has to have 100% support of both spouses to work.

Our children were 7,4, and 6 months when we moved. We were only really concerned about our 7 year old, but she did fine.

My wife struggled for 6-9 months to find her place in our new city. The guy (you and me) gets to head off to work every day and plug into a circle of friends and co-workers and a meaningful job. The wife is left alone in a strange city with two kids and no friends. My wife would still tell you how she envied the other moms she would see chatting in the pre-school carpool lane and how lonely that mad her feel initially.

She got inolved at daughter's elementary school and pre-school where our son was and soon met tons of prople. These guys are our friends still today. Also, find a good church. That is another way to plug into a community through a sunday School class, which we did as soon as we arrived.

Hope this helps and good luck with the move if you decide t tae the plunge.

I did it 6 years ago. It was a fantastic career move for me (promotion + raise, relocation paid for, and I've gotten another promotion since), but my wife resents it to this day. She never was able to get back into her field and had to change careers, plus she hates the weather in the Phoenix area.

I should mention that I didn't force it, she agreed it was a good opportunity even knowing her job was going to change. But 6 years later she wants me to find a job elsewhere and because the job is so excellent I don't want to.

Good luck.

I did the very thing you're considering just under 1 year ago. I had lived in my "hometown" for 39 years. I got an opportunity to move to a smaller town in the Northwest (WA) where I always told my wife that I'd like to live. Was it easy? No. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

My kids were a bit older than yours are, so it was tough on them at first leaving the only friends they've ever known and going to a place where we know very few (mostly my co-workers and we have some friends that live south of us, as my wife grew up in WA) but they made new friends and have thrived in school. They're starting to feel like our new town is "home".

Practical advice: Sell as much of your crap as you can. Our move was a friggin nightmare because of all of our stuff. We had a very short timeline in which to get moved, and didn't have the opportunity to relieve ourselves of junk.

After this first year we are happier then we ever have been. We love our extended family but felt like we were always "on call" with them and really didn't have lives of our own. Now we do, and yes we miss the family tremendously but we get to see them when they visit, and when we visit.

I'm usually not a big risk taker, so for me this move was incredibly intimidating but I don't regret it for a second. You'll only regret it if you don't take the chance.

I did it for my first full time job after graduating from college. It was fun for two to three years, so my wife and I ended up moving back when we had the opportunity. Looking back, it was good to help me get used to being on my own, plus I met my wife while away from home as well. The downside, I didn't get to spend as much time with my dad during that time. After losing him a few months ago, I find myself seeing every missed opportunity to spend time with him.

Perhaps some things to consider-are the laws, taxes, politics, etc. friendly to your interests?

My first 5 years in the military I had moved 4 times. Met my wife the second duty station, she chose to stay behind while I spent another year overseas. We had just had our daughter when I left. They would have gone with me but my daughter had medical needs that were better addressed in a US hospital. When I came back we had about 1 month to visit with family and move across country. The military pays people to pack/move your crap for you, so we just had to worry about vehicles.

My wife was 30 at the time and had spent her whole life in that state, all her family was there too, so it was/is rough on her.

What helped us is my wife is a social person, she is active in church, hangs around other spouses, plus she uses facebook and stuff like that.

My wife and I took our family to Arizona and stated for 5 years. We had no family or friends there, but made new friends quickly. We did end up moving back to be by family so they could help with the kids while my wife went back to school. We never regretted moving there. It helped our family grow much closer together because we didn't have anyone else to rely on. If it wasn't for school we would have stayed there.

We just made the move to Arizona. It was for work, and was difficult. But once all the kinks were worked out its been a great move. I say go for our! This was our second move. But the first time we didn't have children.

A couple of times. Do it while the kids are young if you are going to do it. The older they get the harder it gets.

john parker said:

... if your opportunities are really good, do it now before the kids are older. ...

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Exactly.

BSAGuy said:

Our children were 7,4, and 6 months

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How did you manage that?

To the OP - If you're going to do it, and you have full and complete support from your wife, now is the time. The kids won't even remember, and the excitement of the move and new things to explore will mean loss of "friends" won't even faze them.
You'll have lots to keep you busy and new things to learn, plus time with the family means an enjoyable time for you as well.
That leaves the wife.
A lot of the burden will fall on her. What little grumbling there is from the young ones, loss of her friends and support from people she has come to rely on for support.
Combine that with all of the "getting used to" that will need to be done can be a hassle.
She will need your support every bit as much as you need hers.

I have relocated for work 4 times, of the 12 times we have moved. Our last three moves where from Naperville to Philly (suburbs) and then to Florida. Once away from family, the other times to get closer to. There are several pros and cons.

Here are the cons:

1) You don't have family to help take babysit orhelp in an emergency.
2) Maybe a con---You end up depending on friends you make to help with emergencies, and you will also return the favor.
3) The first year is very tough, it takes a while to make good friends, the ones you want to spend time with.
4) If you loose your job, you have no network.

Pros:
1) You make new friends.
2) Kids get new perspective, meet new friends.
3) You can move to a better job location, climate location.
4) You can move to a cheaper cost of living.

One warning, it's going to be tougher for your wife, especially the first year, if she is not working. You will have your friends from work, she has to make new ones. Make sure you keep her busy.

N.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to respond. I really appreciate the input, gents.