You think your $#^& don't stank?
I've been putting off sharing this product for quite some time, as frankly I just didn't know how to go about it. Should I take the "serious" and "scientific" approach, or should I just let it all hang out and write something gut busting funny.
Initially - I decided on the funny route and was going to blame the 1989 Earthquake here in the S.F. Bay area, on my first experience with Indian Cuisine.
After much personal debate i've decided to take the middle road.
Sigh... I present to you - a #2 - toilet de-stankafier. No, this isn't febreeze grandpa - get with the times, this is a product designed to destroy the "stank" prior to the.... errrr.... uhhh..... stank process. This product is called "Nature Calls" by a company called Ritual - and i'll let the instructions tell the tale....
While I would hardly describe turd drops as "revolutionary" - believe it or not, this product is absolutely and amazingly effective. Had nothing to consume all day but corn beef hash, cabbage and beans? Taco Tuesday? All you can eat Indian curry? - Have no fear, the poop drops are here - and they've got your rear covered!
Alright - let's get down to "business." Drop a few (come on, be mature) drops of "product" into the ole porcelain goddess watery eye - and you immediately see the drops react with the water. Exactly what they're doing - I have no idea, but you see it immediately spread out across the water and have some sort of "reaction" with the water.... it's quite strange. You can smell the product - and it has an interesting citrus like scent to it, certainly not like an air freshener or something designed to mask the scent. Unfortunately it has the same scent as the rest of their product line (shaving creams, balms, etc) which personally I find repulsive as lathering your face up in the morning with the same scent as the turd drops isn't appealing - but alas, I digress.
Do your business, for the love of god wipe a few times, flush and wash your hands. Leave the bathroom - walk back in 5 seconds later, and there is no scent or clue of the ungodly demons you had just relentlessly battled and conquered.
Now.... being the scientist, and humanitarian that I am - I had to well... you know - make sure my olfactory system hadn't melted, and "test" the effectiveness on someone else who hadn't experienced "the fury." Let me just say (I am in sooo much trouble) calling over the Mrs. to "test" your experiment isn't a very smart idea.... what I do for you people.
So, after the very un-amused Mrs. figured out why I had called her over to the "depository" - after I repeatedly snickered "can you (HHHAHAHAHAH) smell anything?" she was pretty perturbed. Despite the severe tongue lashing I received - we were both pleased (and I am still alive) to report - no malodor was detected.
Ladies, dames, girls of all ages, rejoice in a much less "fragrant" relationship with your dapper fella and procure yourself a little bottle of this witches brew today.
Seriously though..... this $&^* works