Here's my advice.
Never put a TV in your bedroom.
Here's my advice.
Never put a TV in your bedroom.
Congrats on the up coming wedding!
1) Some advice I would recommend is to listen to your spouse. Not just to listen, but actually hear what they are saying.
2) Arguments will come up eventually, but just remember to keep your cool. It's a great deal easier to keep your mouth shut than saying something while you are angry. You can't take back what was said and the damage is done. If you are extremely upset over something, then go for a walk or something. Discuss things when you get back after cooling down.
3) Don't rush into having kids. Enjoy life with each other for a few years. If you are feeling that itch to start the family, then start with a dog or another pet that requires a lot of attention. This will help decide if you are ready.
4) Remember that it is sometimes easier to ask for forgiveness than permission
TOFLAC-U ~ 2013 Shave Sabbatical Participant (Out on April 1)
"Your mind is like a parachute... used best when open"
No really, they will.
Love and cherish her, enjoy life.
Pick your battles wisely.
Allow her "me time" and allow yourself "me time"
Remain best friends
Talk about everything and anything
Surprise her with something wacky once in a while, and something soppily romantic some other whiles.
if you feel you're in a rut, change course before it gets too deep and resentment builds
Marriage needs work on both sides but it shouldn't feel like work, it should feel like love.
Trust one another implicitly and be completely trustworthy.
From a bloke who is still deeply in love with his wife and best friend after 17 years of marriage.
Tony, Steward In the Mess Hall. Part time cook, full time bottle washer.
B&B is made possible by contributions from members like you. Please give early and often.
Old Scottish saying. There's nae hair sae tough it cannae be sliced in twain by a metal blade.
GI 2013. Tempt me not.
First of all congratulations!
My only and the single most important advice for marriage and any other relation is "dialogue". Talking and understanding each other.Just purely essential.Everything else builds on that.
Before you are married, keep your eyes wide open--know exactly what (and who) you are committing to.
after you marry, grapple your spouse to you and your heart as with hooks, and shut your eyes tightly to every flaw, perceived slight, and possible disapointment you may find, because none of them are truly important when it comes to true, meaningful, and lasting love.
Cheers! Many blessings, moments, and years for you and your beloved!
Someday, I hope I am worthy of the devotion my dog gives me today.
I married my best friend 14 years and 9 days ago, seriously, we hung out and it turned to something more,make sure she's your best friend,that's most likely the most important bit of advice I can give you first off.
The "hot" part of the relationship will cool a bit but you're in this for the long haul and it's a team thing ( even if it's a team of two).
You will argue but talk it out and don't add it to a "gotcha" list once it's done it's done, plus went you have the arguments it's a great excuse for making up later.
Always make sure to tell her you love her and a little hug and peck on the back of the neck when she may not expect it goes a long way.
The seat and the lid go down after guy use,learn it,love it,live it, the lady in your life will not like to wander in the the bathroom in the wee hours,half asleep to feel the gentle touch of icy cold porcelain (or even worse icy cold water) on her bottom.
And lastly go that extra mile for her,do something like flowers or her favorite candy even hen there's no special day or event.
Getting married is like stepping into a very hot shower......after awhile it's not so hot.
When I first read this post, I didn't want to be the first one to say "don't do it". That's a cynical attitude, I know. People suggested this to me the first time I got married... I should have listened. But now that that advice has been offered, I'll second it.
Okay, so you've decided to ignore that advice and soldier forward. My second bit of advice is to ignore everything that you've read in previous replies to this post. A relationship will either work or it won't. No matter what steps you take to try and make yourself the perfect spouse, they won't matter. If she decides that she wants out, for whatever reason, she'll find a way to get out.
I have a theory that longish term relationships tend to fall under a bell curve. Under one skinny little part of that curve, you have those couples that are in absolute bliss, more in love today than yesterday. Congratulations to them. Under the fat part of the curve, you have those couples going through the motions... not exactly happy, not miserable... it would be more work to end the relationship than just plod forward. Folks in this group are not likely to ever move to the first group. Finally in the last skinny part of the curve, you have those folks that are on the verge of divorce, if they don't kill each other first. Those folks in the fat part of the curve could end up here.
There ya have it. Take it for what it's worth... been there, done that.
1. Eat supper at the table, every night. Not in front of the TV. Cook for her as well, don't let her do all the cooking.
2. No TV in the bedroom (as others have said).
3. Be open and honest.
4. Go Camping! If you can survive in a tent or trailer with each other for a w/end, you can survive a marriage.
5. Don't Try to Change each other, it won't work, never has and never will. You are who you are, she is who she is.
6. Have fun getting to know each others qualities, quirks and flaws.
Congrats, hope your big day goes well, have fun, don't get stressed out, help out with the wedding day ANY way you can. It won't be a perfect day, but it will be yours to enjoy.
Bob Dylan Salutes the 2013 Sabbatical Members
Congrats! And a very generous PIF.
Our 11 year anniversary is this Sunday, and we also got married on a mothers day.
Something that helped me a great deal was a philosophy on why people are right for each other. I believe we fall for someone for a whole bunch of subconscious reasons that we can't easily name. We rarely fall for someone just because they fit our expectations on a list... The power behind this concept is that your subconscious falls for someone who is your perfect compliment. You each will add fantastic positives to the other, and will equally highlight all the "stuff" that you each need to work on. Pay attention to the stuff that you need to work on, the themes that fights come back to. Work on those weaknesses that each of you bring to the table, and you will make each other better people. Your spouse is the perfect person to help you become the best you can be, and that is where the work comes in. Your spouse is also the perfect person to appreciate and enjoy the journey with.
As an aside, I'm Greek and my wife is Irish so we have a fiery marriage. And our son got a double dose of stubborn. Karma...
I wish you the beauty of experiencing all of life with your fiance.
Last edited by lpe492; 05-11-2012 at 11:49 PM.
~ ~ "Lookin' good, pop pop!" ~ ~
Great PIF and congrats on the upcoming nuptials!
My lovely bride and I have been married for 21 years, all of it with me active duty Navy. That adds a whole new level of stress!
The wedding day: As others have said, eat! I tasked my best man to keep an eye on my spouse and I and bring us a plate of food/drinks if we were stuck talking to guests too long. He also had the caterer throw together a couple to-go boxes for the hotel room. We chowed down hard when we got to the hotel before moving on to "other things".
The relationship: Hopefully she is your best friend and you can share anything with her. That being said, her interests may not directly line up with yours and that's OK. Time away doing your own thing is important. You will fight. Just ensure you fight fair and think carefully about what you say in the heat of the moment. Divide up the housework. Don't have unrealistic expectations that she will do the cooking/cleaning and you'll stick to the "manly" things. Learn to cook, wash dishes, do laundry and clean the house. When she is ill or on travel you'll be glad you know how to do these things. I'm a better cook now than my wife and do most of the cooking. Make time for "date nights" as a regular thing. This gets a lot harder and even more important with kids.
Speaking of kids: Make sure you are both ready. Children are great, but they change everything. It is easy to see your relationship take a back seat to the needs of kids. Don't let it happen. As the kids get older, you must provide a united front. Don't allow the "play Mom against Dad angle".
Money, talk about it, budget it and stick to the budget. Credit cards can be a great temptation, avoid them.
Commit to your spouse for life. Anything less is just a waste of time. If you go into marriage to see if it will work out, it won't work out. On a related note, be ready and man enough for that "sickness and in health part" it ain't for sissies. My wife has suffered from significant medical issues off and on for years that take a great toll on our relationship. You have to sack up and take care of her and the family.
I think faith is critical to a successful marriage, YMMV.
make sure she has beautiful feet and suck her toes with wine- never cheat on her
Brother of the Way ----Choose You this Day, Whom Ye Shall Serve----------
Lot of folks say, dont go to mad angry, but my wife and I both give the advice of go on to bed. Most of the time you will wake up and realize that it was something petty that the disagreement was about.
Best advice I can give ... just never forget that "love" is something you DO, not just something you SAY. Just remember that every minute of every day.
A lot of long responses and advice. In that vain I'll keep it short and tell you what my father in law said to me before we got married (he introduced us to each other).
1. Yes dear.
2. Do you really need that?
Best of luck to a long and happy marriage.
- My friends call me Pete.
No dear that's MY razor, yours is over there!
The advice I give is that of a 16 year old high school student from a broken home. I am a straight A student, doing well in studies, involved in many extracurricular activities. My mother and father have been married for 27 years now, and are on the verge of divorce. I'd just like to say whoever this woman is, make sure you are in for the whole ride, and that she is too. If you ever have children, don't put them through the trauma of a divorce between two people of a once healthy marriage. It is painful. My father is trying to save a marriage that is letting on more water then he can pour off. It is a terrible experience. For any child. It tears apart families in the most literal way possible. And everyone suffers. Make sure that you are ready for the commitment, and know what you are taking on, and please don't allow what happened to my family, happen to yours.
remember a nice merlot and a toe
Brother of the Way ----Choose You this Day, Whom Ye Shall Serve----------
Marriage is like a good shave
Youíve studied all your choices for a DB razor and fallen in love with one. You want to tear open the package and go to town with it, but it would be better to go slow. Get a feel for the balance, start slow with light pressure. Find out what kind of blade it likes. Be gentle and patient and you will be rewarded with a wonderful shave. A wife is a lot more complicated than a razor, but you will still need to get a feel for balance and her many, many likes and dislikes. Be gentle and patient and you will be richly rewarded.
You found a brush you love and the lather is the best. But then you donít take care of it. Maybe you were a little too quick with your after shave rinse and left some soap in there. Donít get lazy with your marriage. Marriage is great, but it takes work. Listen. Listen some more. And talk Ė women are more verbal than men and they like conversation. They donít want you to offer solutions to all their problems, they want to share the problems with you.
Youíd like a 3 minute shave, but you know it will take closer to 15 because you care enough to put in your time. Marriage will also take an investment of your time. There will still only be 24 hours in a day, but you will be sharing more of them with the woman you love. That may mean watching fewer football games, but you will find no better investment of your time than showing your wife how much you love her. You will be repaid ten fold Ė but donít do it for that Ė do it because your heart is so full of love you canít imagine a better way to spend your day.
Sometimes youíre finished with your 3rd lather/shave and there is still a patch of recalcitrant hair remaining on your chin. So fight with it. Sometimes you fight. But fight fair. Re-lather and attack from another vantage point. Donít bring up the time last week your chin presented the same problem Ė your chin will only feel resentment and hold on to the hair with a renewed stubborn streak.
You love to shave, but you canít shave 24 hours a day. You have to shut the cabinet and get on with your life. Marriage is complicated: not two, not one. Some time apart is a good thing. You each bring different strengths to the marriage and you need to still be an interesting individual.
You used to shave with a Track 3 and now you use a DB. They are both razors, but they are different. Women are different from men. Apart from the obvious, they donít always think the same way. Men offer solutions, women offer sympathy. They often have different ideas about security and they rarely have the proper appreciation for cars. You will not change this. For much of your life you will not understand this, and when you are old and wise you will still only understand it a little. Appreciate your wife for what she is: a wonderful, unfathomable creature. Make her happy at all costs. Happy wife, happy life is not just a cute saying Ė it is your life.
Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It is more like 90/10. When you are the 10 try and remember that you were just the 90 and you will be again soon. Donít keep score. Do it for love, not to be fair Ė and your decision will be a good one. Itís not really a sacrifice if you do it for love. It has the added benefit of making you feel good about yourself Ė and that canít be bad.
Iíve been married for 39 years and I can still say that marrying my wife was the best thing I ever did. I wish the same for you. Good luck.