The Arko Horror, by HP Lovecraft

[Oblique Human]

I may see what unholy terror I can create with Arko lather spiked with Old Spice cream. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Arko R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. In his sunken city of R'lyeh, dead Arko waits dreaming.

Ah yes, but Old Spice fm'latgh Arko ehye, but Palmolive athg tharanak Arko 'bthnk.

[Artimid]

For those whose mates don't go near when you have Arko, maybe the answer is to get them hooked on it? I have read several posts saying it has an addictive taste.. maybe slip a bit into their food. If they get a horrifying addiction, while they might hate you they certainly won't be able to go far away from your smell. :)

As a way of helping, is all I suggest.

[Toddy]

I was sent an Arko stick months ago but never plucked up the courage to try it. Every time I look at it I am reminded of urinals because of the smell. Does the smell linger after shaving?

[Oblique Human]

Does the smell linger after shaving?

nafl, Arko r'luh-yar {No, smell dissipates quick}

[jsj_297]

Sometimes I pretend to be a Turkish barber in the morning, it helps.

[awa54]

First, I am somewhat amazed that a shaving forum harbors so many Lovecraft fans. Second, I think that if we are going to talk about dimensional warping and twisting of things, then the Slant Bar razor needs a place beside the other Great Old Ones in R'lyeh. Third, Arko really does smell like lemon Pez (but eaten on the back deck with a citronella candle burning nearby). Lastly, Arko might want to investigate a cross-marketing of their product to young women, re-branded as Hello Kitty or Sweet-Tart shaving soap (IMO it also smells rather like blue Sweet-Tarts).

I was impressed by the lather, but opted to pass my recently acquired stick along to my dad who is a fan of anything free, no matter what it might smell like ;)

[ThePatrician]

First, I am somewhat amazed that a shaving forum harbors so many Lovecraft fans. Second, I think that if we are going to talk about dimensional warping and twisting of things, then the Slant Bar razor needs a place beside the other Great Old Ones in R'lyeh. Third, Arko really does smell like lemon Pez (but eaten on the back deck with a citronella candle burning nearby). Lastly, Arko might want to investigate a cross-marketing of their product to young women, re-branded as Hello Kitty or Sweet-Tart shaving soap (IMO it also smells rather like blue Sweet-Tarts).

I was impressed by the lather, but opted to pass my recently acquired stick along to my dad who is a fan of anything free, no matter what it might smell like ;)

Oh it's not just Lovecraft, I also have a deep and abiding adoration for The Scarlet Pimpernel, Sherlock Holmes and the original Conan stories. I was also a huge fan of John Carter of Mars for the first three stories.

A careful marketing plan to market it as Hello Kitty or some such other thing would do well. Flowers or Hello Kitty or glitter or stickers or something would be easily marketed to women.

[Topgumby]

Looks like a winner to me. We could market Arko and cuddly Open Comb razors.

[awa54]

Looks like a winner to me. We could market Arko and cuddly Open Comb razors.

I fear Ursula Vernon beat us there:

http://ursulav.deviantart.com/gallery/3399252#/dz06im

http://ursulav.deviantart.com/gallery/7872436

[ThePatrician]

I fear Ursula Vernon beat us there:

http://ursulav.deviantart.com/gallery/3399252#/dz06im

http://ursulav.deviantart.com/gallery/7872436

If someone could make a shaving soap (or just plain bath soap!) in the shape of squid-head Cthulhu I would totally buy it if it had one of those Friendly Cthulhu packagings.

[Topgumby]

If someone could make a shaving soap (or just plain bath soap!) in the shape of squid-head Cthulhu I would totally buy it if it had one of those Friendly Cthulhu packagings.

Pardon me boy, your shave soap looks like Lord Cthululhu?
(Yes, Yes, terror defined)
Hey and he lathers just fine!
(Won't many abhor the chore of shaving with Cthululhu?)
Old Ones may scare
But he's got lather to spare
You start shaving with Cthululhu 'bout a quarter to four
You make your final pass and then your mind is no more
Don't be such a whiner
Nothing could be finer
Then to shave with Elder Gods both great and minor
When you smell that lemon scent that's your bete noir
Then you'll suspect it's Arko dressed up tenticular
First you throw your soul in
Then your brush is swirlin'
Woo-woo Arkothulhu there you are!

[YetiDave]

[ThePatrician]

Nice.

[seizure]

glide across my face like a chubby boy over oiled ice

This might be my new favorite simile.

[pipskicks]

Well you know, sometimes while on a trip all you have is urinal cake...

[Whitmore]

Man, with that kind of thread title, I was expecting something like this:

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the incapacity of the human mind to correlate all of shavedom. We live in a placid island of ignorance in the midst of a vast, dark realm of arcane shaving accouterments and curios, some that have remained hidden in the dark corners of the world, and the discovery of the most blood freezing, ghastly and foul of them would surely drive the wet-shaver gibbering mad or force him into a new dark age, ruled by shaman and charlatans preaching the virtues of canned foams and cartridge razors.

I will, of course, be considered quite insane, but this manuscript, should it survive my own expectations of a short and malodorous existence, may serve as testament to that unspeakable evil that has ripped my olfactory sanity screeching from me, and warn the future reader of what has befallen me, but I fear, even for them, it will be to late.

Arko is coming! I smell the sickly-sweet lemon Pez miasma that heralds his return, and I take these last moments before I am utterly destroyed, or, more horrible yet, my will surrenders to the pleasingly ample lather and attractive price of this foul demigod of Thracian antiquity, whom the Turks have unwittingly unleashed upon a doomed planet. Arko, who pervades my waking nightmares, soft white flesh pulsating like some unfathomable evil in pupatation, foaming up at the slightest hint of water and brush, lurking behind the visage of that grinning, welcoming happy crew-cut man, who is only a shell for what lurks within!

I must go to Arko, even as the last shreds of my sensibility are torn from me, the joyful days of pleasant scents and highly regarded soaps a mocking half memory, for Arko calls, filling my tortured soul with that wretched scent. Oh, help me, Arko beckons with such cheapness, I can shave forever......"

Both funny AND awesome!

[global_dev]

everytime now that i am in a men's room, i take notice of the urinal aroma from a safe distance... if it smells like feces or urine, i drop the observation and exit...

the last couple of urinal aromas that have wafted up to head level have been heavy peppermint and even one that reminded me of bergamotta-neroli.. but none seem to resemble arko anymore...

[RipRapRob]

Even if I have been wet shaving for ~20 years, I've only been DE shaving for about 11 months and have used canned goo until about 2 weeks ago.

A week ago I recieved a PIF from ggamyang and amongst the goodies was an Arko stick. I took one sniff, and decided that I was in no hurry to try it

Then yesterday, I read this tread and decided that I had to try it. But I must admit, I made my wife take a sniff first: Her sense of smell is incredible, and if she didn't like it, I knew I wouldn't be able to use it, without her knowing. Better safe than sorry

So this morning I gave the Arko a try. My first time with a soap and my first time with a stick. Being the blond, Nordic type, I can get by by shaving only every other day, and I'm glad I didn't shave Monday: The more stubs, the easier it is to get some soap on the face, and repeatedly dipping the end of Arko stick in the hot water also helped. Then I took my brush, and started to work up a (face-)lather.

Boy, you guys really wasn't kidding when you said it's easy to work up a lather when using Arko. I no time, I had what was different from what I've been able to get out of cremes (Body Shop Maca Root and AOS Sandalwood), but what I none the less imagined was a perfect lather from a soap (an Arko soap). I was THIS close to taking a picture, just to show off.

I can't claim to be a member of the Cult of Arko, and I don't think I'll ever be (the scent is not bad, but I can't imagine being a favorite either), but for a soap-stick-beginner like me, Arko definitely gets my recommendation as worth trying for anyone who's going to use a stick for the first time: Now I have a pretty good idea how both a stick AND face lathering works/feels and how to work up a lather.


Word of warning though: The smell really IS strong, wheater you like it or not. I left the stick out to air, in the bathroom, when I left for work. When I came home, it was the first thing I smelled, when I opened the door, and the smell was all over the house. Luckily my wife thinks it smells 'fresh', but I'm going to find a container for it, none the less.

[Songwind]

RipRapRob, no one thinks they're in the cult at first. :)

That really intense smell dissipates in a few days, I found.

[ThePatrician]

RipRapRob, no one thinks they're in the cult at first. :)

That really intense smell dissipates in a few days, I found.

+1 I have found myself using it more and more. If you leave the open stick (or tub) out for a few days the smell will disippate to a normal soapy smell instead of the all-powerful noxious aura it emenates at first.