Und Ya, zo der I vas reading der NY Times, und I read dis crazy article saying dat zum dumbkoff zinks he can date vhen mankind began da vearing of da clothes by seeing vhen der leetle pesky lice arrived.
Und dennit struck me like unto a bolt from out of der blue! If he can get published vith such vild contrivances, I'll really give him zumting to put in his pipe und to smoke it.
It iz all qvite zimple. You see, actully, mankind began as a hairless whimPering monkeyboy. But I have correlated der development of der rrrrrrrrazor as zee definitive moment at vitch der beard must have first appeared on mankind's face! If der had been beards before dat time, der vould have had to have been der rrrrrazor. Zo, dis iz vy: der females vould have in no way Charlie have mated vith von of dem hairy bastards mit such ein long beard. I mean, really. To kiss zome hairy guy vit a crazy long beard iz like trying to give ein mouth to mouth resuscitation to the back end of a sheep! No, dem ancient broads high some high standards.
Zo, dat iz my concluuuuuzive evidence for der fact that beards have only been around as long as rrrrrrrazors.
Und now it iz time fur mine schnapps und a leetle nap, I tink...