Courtesy of a Reply?

[Face&Head]

So this is a fairly simple question but one that has visited me twice in the last month or so. We've all read noob posts where they are trying to decide on the right brush, razor or blade to use. Sometimes after reading these I'll PM the OP to offer an extended loan of a brush or razor to help inform their decision. With blades I just PIF 6 or so. Shipping all at my expense. When I've made these kinds of offers to more experienced B&Bers I always get a response. Absolutely 100% of the time. They may take me up on it or not, but never ignore the offer. With the noobs who prompted this post they simply didn't respond at all. Am I being old-fashioned & persnickety to think that's not the proper way to decline an offer?

[takeshi]

I wouldn't consider it proper but what can you do about it? FWIW, I rarely check PM's on any of the discussion forum sites that I visit. Some people may have a reason but that wouldn't explain why your in your experience none of the newbies respond but all vets do. Seems like all you can do is make an offer with no expectation of a response.

[michiganlover]

The gentlemanly thing to do would be to reply, especially if you are offering them free gear, in which case it would be extremely bad form not to reply.

But as with regular email, sometimes people get busy, and forget to reply. It happens.

But still, it's not setting a very good first impression as a newbie, if you don't reply to the advice from an established member.

Related, attitude is everything. There are a lot of us here, who have given away lots of free gear. But trust me, if you have an uncaring attitude, or an attitude of entitlement, rest assured there is no way you are getting something for nothing (at least from me).

[fonkemonkey]

You are right. They should give the courtesy of a response. But there is no reason for you to let it get to you. You a trying to do a nice thing and they are missing out on a great opportunity. No loss for you.

[DFSDAILY]

The gentlemanly thing to do would be to reply, especially if you are offering them free gear, in which case it would be extremely bad form not to reply.

But as with regular email, sometimes people get busy, and forget to reply. It happens.

But still, it's not setting a very good first impression as a newbie, if you don't reply to the advice from an established member.

Related, attitude is everything. There are a lot of us here, who have given away lots of free gear. But trust me, if you have an uncaring attitude, or an attitude of entitlement, rest assured there is no way you are getting something for nothing (at least from me).

I like this response.

[Kentos]

Some people may be wary of a seemingly "to good to be true" offer, especially when giving out your name and address to a complete stranger over the internet. While I agree at least a "no thank you" would be nice, I dont let such things bother me too much :).

[Oscroft]

One thing worth bearing in mind is that not everyone is internet-savvy, and a lot of people will be afraid of replying to PMs because they don't know how much personal information (email address etc) might be revealed.

Regulars here will know how the PM system works and won't be concerned, but newbies may not properly understand it.

[Chevyguy]

For me the lack of a reply sits right up there next to the misspelling of words in emails and texting, and answering your phone without excusing yourself when you are talking to soneone face to face.

Clayton

[Chevyguy]

One thing worth bearing in mind is that not everyone is internet-savvy, and a lot of people will be afraid of replying to PMs because they don't know how much personal information (email address etc) might be revealed.

Regulars here will know how the PM system works and won't be concerned, but newbies may not properly understand it.

All they have to do is look in their profile and they can see what gets sent. When you join B&B you set in your profile how much information you want to show in your postings and PM's.

Clayton

[brucea]

If they are new they also might know how to check what they recently posted. Give them a little time to get the lay of the land and they may respond.If not ,they lost out . The person that does respond gets rewarded for their courtesy.

[dangersteve]

As with any new communication medium, standards for rudeness, politeness, and obligation evolve as people get more experience with them. When I first joined the Internet, every single email I got deserved a response, as there was no spam and every other user was also in an academic institution. Back then an email was like a personally handwritten letter on fine stationery. No longer.

Now, there are so many ways for people to contact me, email, PMs on 20 forums, Facebook, twitter, g+, and on and on. If I treated each of these as an obligation I would go crazy. Also there's no way on a board such as this to turn off PMs if you never intend on checking them. It's not a good system when others can create obligations for you, without a way to politely refuse them without effort.

So while some will religiously check these places for messages and treat them like traditional correspondence, others do not check and do not consider checking an obligation. And the world at large hasn't settled on a set of universal conventions for what's rude or not. So you'll often find situations like this where people view rudeness differently.

I just hope that people can be patient with others while conventions become popular, because very likely the other person does not intend on being rude, they just didn't realize an action was perceived as rude.

[oc_in_fw]

Some people may be wary of a seemingly "to good to be true" offer, especially when giving out your name and address to a complete stranger over the internet. While I agree at least a "no thank you" would be nice, I dont let such things bother me too much :).

Glad I read through- it was exactly what I was thinking. When I first rolled in here I couldn't believe how generous the members are. Being a jaded person, I thought it had to be too good to be true. It takes some a while to realize that there is not a hidden agenda here and this place is full of gentlemen (unlike the real world)

[Oscroft]

All they have to do is look in their profile and they can see what gets sent. When you join B&B you set in your profile how much information you want to show in your postings and PM's.

Clayton

Yes, I know that, and it's easy for you and I to understand. But I work professionally on commercial web forums, and a lot of people genuinely don't understand things properly and really are afraid of personal contact - you might be surprised at the number of people who don't even know they have such a thing as a personal profile on sites like this.

[jtb]

I wonder if it has to do with age. I think you should respond but I'm amost 50

Here's an example of an incident I had (non-b&b related). I lined up a baby sitter last week, a simple text to set everything up (she's a regular). I had to cancel with her so I texted her that we need to cancel. I did this over 24 hrs before she was supposed to start, I waited overnight for a reply then finally texted her asking if she recieved the previous text. She said she did, so why didn't she just text back a simple ok? or contact me next time. I think it has to do with age and this new fangled way we communicate.

[BrookR1]

While it may be a good-hearted reach to those noobs, they may view you as a stranger with candy. They may not understand what your intentions are. Giving away your address to a stranger or even striking up a casual PM with with a stranger on a new board may raise a few red flags. So I think with the noobs, it might be best to address them in the forum publicly. At least until they get to know you better.

[Face&Head]

Ok, I guess the consensus is I just shrug and move on. It hasn't bothered me much but it does make me scratch my head sometimes and was curious why more experienced B&Bers were different and I think some of the explanations above make sense.

[TnutsShave]

I'm glad I saw this thread...I always respond and realized that I hadn't!

[mdevine]

Yes, I know that, and it's easy for you and I to understand. But I work professionally on commercial web forums, and a lot of people genuinely don't understand things properly and really are afraid of personal contact - you might be surprised at the number of people who don't even know they have such a thing as a personal profile on sites like this.

I can understand the hesitancy of someone new to this forum to reply to a PM. When I first joined B&B, I had never been an active participant in any forum, despite being someone who has been connected since the days of BBS and 2600 baud modems. I felt very uncomfortable with online interaction at first. Early into my participation here, someone offered to PIF me a beater Gillette New. I remember being flustered and I think I wrote back saying "no thank you". I grew up in a time and place where you didn't take a handout unless you absolutely needed it, and I would have felt guilty to accept it at the time. I certainly didn't mean this as any kind of insult. Over the past couple of years, I've come to appreciate the unique and generous spirit of B&B, and have had a couple of members send me things that I've been most appreciative of. I've tried to keep with the spirit of paying forward and have happily sent packages to other members. I try not to be too harsh judging those that are new here based on my own experiences. BTW, I still feel a little guilty when I'm on the receiving end of someone's generosity, whether here or in my home life. I always fear that this will make me appear ungrateful when nothing can be further from the truth.

[gopher4653]

I'm a relative noobie here, have no idea how to stay on top of the forums I posted in and didn't even know I had a mailbox here... unfortunately it wasn't filled with offers of riches, but now I know it exists and thanks!

[Alraz]

Some people are very private and see these offers as solicitation. It is so nice of you to try and it does not excuse the lack of response though.

Al raz.