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Wedding.. Who Pays for what?

I am the father of the groom and my wife and I are wondering in todays in todays economy what is fair for us to pay. Is it half of everything or or there guidelines as far as what to pay? We have met the parents of the bride several times and the topic has never come up. I want to be fair,but I don't expect to be paying for something we have no input on. Advice from a recently married couple would be greatly appreciated.
 
If you're lucky, you won't pay for anything... hehe :lol:

This is something you would have to agree to with the bride's parents. It's usually fair to go 50/50 but if the bride's parents want something a bit more special then you shouldn't have to pay for it. My brother's wedding worked like this: the bride's parents paid for the wedding and reception and my parents paid for the honeymoon. This was because the wedding was really big, and the bride was the only daughter so they wanted it that way.

The only way to be sure is to just ask. There is no shame in conducting business even though it might feel awkward to you right now, and trust me, it is business.
 
I'm almost done booking my wedding. My finance and I are paying for most of the wedding, we decided that if we were going to get married we should be able to pay the costs of it, we set the date for two years after our engagement so we could save up the money. We decided to keep the parents in the dark about what the others were contributing so it doesn't become a competition/guilt trip and they hopefully give what they want and can afford. We asked them individually if they wanted to contribute. When we asked we had a budget and detailed plan with actual prices to show where we were spending the money. We did it this way to keep control of the wedding, we've had friends that as soon as one family was contributing significantly they felt that they could start calling the shots. You should ask your son what his expectations for the wedding are.

Congratulations on your son's engagement.
 
When we got married I figured out what it would cost ($12K) Gasp..

I went to both sets of parents and they each gave us $4000. Very generous! Still meant that we had to save up the other $4000 and be careful not to exceed our budget (which can be a worry when someone else is paying the bill carte blanche).
 
I agree with Commanderkeen, discussing it is a good idea, as you may find that there are different ideas and expectations, and it could be very awkward if everyone isn't on the same page. You may find your future in-laws have a very traditional view, or they may have a very non-traditional view.

I asked my wife and daughter, and they suggested you look online at a website called "The Knot", so I looked first and found a Q&A with your question here. It looks like there is a lot of useful info on this website.

Good luck! I hope you are able to plan this pleasantly with your two families and that this helps your families get off to a good start on a long, great relationship. It will be so helpful to your son and daughter-in-law-to-be if they see their families working well together in what can surely be a very stressful, difficult time for all.
 
Tradition calls for the bride's family to pay for the wedding and the groom's pay for the rehersal dinner. However, in today's world, nothing seems very traditional anymore.
 
The groom, for the rest of his life.:001_smile

I think my wife is the one paying for it haha.


My father-in-law paid for the wedding. Although we did a destination wedding in Snoqualmie, Washington with only our two sets of parents. Besides a hotel stay the night before (father-in-law paid for me and my wife each a separate room, and for themselves. My parents paid their own room and plane tickets), and the room for the ceremony the next day (one of the elders of our church flew up and did the ceremony), it was pretty inexpensive as far as weddings go. I suppose I would offer you the same advice as others, talk to them and see. I think the answer to your question depends on whether they want a simple wedding, or need an over the top extravagant one.
 

Legion

Staff member
Depends how old the 'kids' are - if they're over, say, 25 I would kick in some cash but they should be paying for most of it themselves.

This.

It really depends on the family and the culture. Years ago I was engaged to a Chinese girl. In their culture the grooms family pays for everything. My parents have no money, so guess who would have been footing that bill. And the wedding would had have to be more extravegant than her sisters ones. That was non negotiable. I think I dodged a bullet there...

Anyway, I think these days the kids should really pay for most of it themselves, and then the parents can give a "wedding gift" of cash to lend a hand, maybe a couple of grand each family, depending on the wedding and family finances.
 
Depends how old the 'kids' are - if they're over, say, 25 I would kick in some cash but they should be paying for most of it themselves.
+1
I agree with this! When we had our wedding, we paid for everything ourselves. Although I was already 31 years old...(but we live in Hungary :001_wub: ).
 
After 15 posts, it sounds like Commanderkeen's first suggestion - for both families to talk about it to be sure each knows what the other is expecting - is still a good idea, as there are a lot of different ideas here as to who should pay for what.

I'll also add, when our son got married, we knew the bride's family was getting friends to help with various parts of the wedding. For example, one friend brought all the flowers as her "wedding gift", and another made the cake as her wedding gift. We offered to hire a photographer (instead of having a non-professional-photographer friend take pictures), and they graciously accepted, even though this would traditionally be part of the wedding paid for by the bride's family. We wanted to be sure the pictures turned out well with a professional touch, since that is the one thing other than the marriage itself that lasts beyond the wedding day.
 
The groom, for the rest of his life.:001_smile

:lol:
The wife and I paid for ours.


Same here, kinda. I was 21 and she was 20 (we still have no kids) and we just sprung it on our folks. Her mom was against it but her dad really likes me. Her family has money mine not so much. After talking it over, much to the outrage of our family we decided on a Cozumel beach wedding. At the last minute her dad kicked in the money to cover our trip (hotel, air, rental car, $500 wedding arangements) and my mom did a TON of work with "little" extras to make it great! Everyone said it was one of the best weddings they had been to (small 15 of us, fun, simple) and in the end thought it was a great idea. My brother went the other way and there was about 300 at his wedding! I paid for the food for his and his wifes dad covered the rest.
 
I agree it is best to sit and talk about it with everyone.

I am getting married in February and my fiancé and I are planning on paying for the wedding ourselves. That being said my parents and her mother have both given us a few generous cash gifts at our engagement party and wedding shower. We didn't ask for it but it's their way of helping out however they can. (lol and it's a good thing too since half the wedding guests are their friends lol. Last I checked the guest list was close to 290!:s)
 
My wife's mom paid for the majority of our wedding b/c she had the money. We paid some and my wife's father(they are divorced) paid for some. We ended up having a much nicer wedding than if we would of had to pay for it all. We did save money where we could, a friend of the family made the cake, stuff like that.
 
I agree it is best to sit and talk about it with everyone.

I am getting married in February and my fiancé and I are planning on paying for the wedding ourselves. That being said my parents and her mother have both given us a few generous cash gifts at our engagement party and wedding shower. We didn't ask for it but it's their way of helping out however they can. (lol and it's a good thing too since half the wedding guests are their friends lol. Last I checked the guest list was close to 290!:s)


This came into play with us too... B/c my MIL paid for most of our wedding, she got to invite a whole bunch of people we would not have invited ourselves.
 
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