One (not only) for the Europeans

I've been in Suzhou for about 15 months now and I'm realising that almost all the people I choose to hang out with are not American. I've been wondering why this is- most of the Americans I work with seem to be perfectly nice, hardworking people but those I connect with are generally from The EU or further afield. (I was very taken by one female colleague from Mexico City.) All the Irish I've met have acknowledged the celtic connection with the Scots and when I was in Chengdu I spent a week or so with a couple of Frenchmen and a Spaniard with which there was an immediate bond- within 2 hours of meeting the Frenchmen we were complaining about Chinese cigarettes and talking about the innate nature of man- not kidding.
I'm wondering if European members have noticed this slight dissonance in interacting with people from The US or vice versa.

Hhmm. 56 views and no replies. I think it's a very valid question for an international forum and I did ask for opinions/comment on both sides of the divide.

I'm not European, but being Australian I have not found it any more difficult connecting with Americans to Europeans. Sometimes we Aussies need to be a little careful to remember that our sense of humour can be taken the wrong way in other countries (If you see the way we talk to one another in GSL you would think we are mean! ) but I don't think the continent has much baring on how easy you all are to get along with.

That's why I posted- neither do I. Except I'm wondering whether maybe it can.

scottish steve said:

Hhmm. 56 views and no replies. I think it's a very valid question for an international forum and I did ask for opinions/comment on both sides of the divide.

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You set up a situation where people are supposed to choose between implying Americans are unlikable, you're unlikable, or offering up some diplomatic sounding platitude that won't hurt anybody's feelings.

What were you expecting?

Er, no. I wasn't implying at all that Americans are unlikeable. It's nowhere in there. I was in fact hoping for a frank and open discussion about the differences between us. This may have been naieve on my part and I withdraw the question.

Well, here's my diplomatic platitude - IME, individual personalities make much more of a difference as to whether I will get along with somebody than their country of origin.

There are cultural differences and language barriers between Americans and Europeans, but as someone who has straddled that line throughout my life I don't see it as a particularly wide gulf.

That said, people are often risk-averse in unfamiliar social situations, so it's natural to expect birds of a feather to... do whatever it is birds of a feather do. Maybe that pertains to your situation?

That was diplomatic.

legion said:

That was diplomatic.

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And that was a loaded post.
I don't quite understand the problem here. I've noticed something about my behaviour which I thought the combined experience and intellect of a forum of which I've been a loyal member for a couple of years could shed some light on. If I had a problem with Americans, I wouldn't even bother asking advice from a forum with such a high American contingent and wouldn't have stayed around for so long. I'm trying to understand myself and others more, to become a better person. This cannot be a bad thing. We have people talking about the deaths of family members. of embarrassing situations and who knows what else. I'm asking advice about a complex social phenomenon and I would have hoped this post could be read in the spirit it was posted.

scottish steve said:

I've been in Suzhou for about 15 months now and I'm realising that almost all the people I choose to hang out with are not American. I've been wondering why this is- most of the Americans I work with seem to be perfectly nice, hardworking people but those I connect with are generally from The EU or further afield. (I was very taken by one female colleague from Mexico City.) All the Irish I've met have acknowledged the celtic connection with the Scots and when I was in Chengdu I spent a week or so with a couple of Frenchmen and a Spaniard with which there was an immediate bond- within 2 hours of meeting the Frenchmen we were complaining about Chinese cigarettes and talking about the innate nature of man- not kidding.
I'm wondering if European members have noticed this slight dissonance in interacting with people from The US or vice versa.

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i am of european heritage and if anything i would connect more with americans than chinese. having said that i agree with me countryman legion that most countries and i include america don't get the aussie sense of humour.

european culture just like any other is just different so naturally you would gravitate towards it, after that i would be suprised if you would feel more at home with any other culture than american or aussie?

It wasn't loaded. That might be what I meant when I said Aussies have to be careful about their humour being taken the wrong way.

I do kind of agree with Franz' first post, about this subject leaving nowhere for posters to go but negative. Do you want me to agree and say that I have trouble connecting with people from a different country from me, or disagree, and tell you you are wrong, and then start an argument? I told you my opinion, IMO the country makes no difference, only the individual. Franz said much the same thing in his second post.

Where do you want to go from here? I don't think many people here, on this international forum are going to be of the opinion that they have a hard time relating to other races and cultures. Is that what you are fishing for? I'm confused.

I'm not fishing for anything. It was a genuine question. Do you think I run the other way whenever I see an American? I have never treated anyone badly due to race, religion, skin colour or anything else i can think of that might make me a bad person. I will have no problem with a mod deleting this whole thread as the free and useful discussion I was looking for obviously isn't going to happen.
i aologise for my lack of judgement in posting this thread.

scottish steve said:

(I was very taken by one female colleague from Mexico City.)

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scottish steve said:

i aologise for my lack of judgement in posting this thread.

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no need to apologise mate i feel the same about females too, close or afar, so your judgment is spot on!

I'm Welsh and it's not a problem for me as we hate everyone equally!

Seriously though, I have no problem with anyone unless they are unpleasant themselves, race or nationality doesn't come into it.

Mind you, I do agree with our Aussie friend about the sense of humour as I have been castigated on this very forum for my non American sense of humour! Ours and the Aussie is far more caustic than the average American's. We seem to be less offended in general. I have to be very careful what I say in jest here.

Gareth

galopede said:

We seem to be less offended in general. I have to be very careful what I say in jest here.

Gareth

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+1 I did notice that too.

Never having traveled to Europe but having traveled extensively in the U.S, I would say that the issue is not "Americans vs. Europeans" but instead your reactions reflect the tendency of people living in unfamiliar places to tend to hang out with people with whom they share some common cultural bond. You consider yourself a European and thus have more in common with Irish and other Europeans than you do with Americans, and thus gravitate toward this population. My guess is your sense of "further afield" only occurs with either individuals or women. For example, would you have 'hung out' with a Mexican man or a group of Mexicans or a group of others from 'far afield' with whom you didn't share a common cultural bond? Possibly not. Also, my guess is that the Americans with whom you do not socialize probably only socialize with themselves for the same reason. In an unfamiliar place, we gravitate toward the familiar.

Case in point: I recently met a New Zealander couple who were "imported" to America to work for a company. While Americans have been friendly and inviting to them (hearing anyone with anything that sounds like an Aussie accent just makes you want to like them), they have actively sought out the small number of Kiwi ex pats in their community and tend to socialize with them. Same thing happens when many Northerners move to the South; they tend to settle in cities that already have significant numbers of Yankee transplants and gravitate toward socializing with them. It's completely natural.

I don't think the topic is negative. I suspect the issue is rather like how big city people interact with country folk. I'm from London which is a good example. Millions of people crush together each day struggling to get to work. We can't chat with everyone we meet. The default action is to blank people, unless a reason to speak arises. To someone from the countryside who normally only meets a few people a day and says hello to all of them, this can make Londoners seem unfriendly. We aren't (mostly.) It just isn't practical to be friendly towards every person we rub shoulders with.

The U.S. has many big cities, and probably most Americans who travel abroad are from the cities. And in a sense, the entire U.S. is the international equivalent of a big city. So that might explain the initial difficulty making a connection with them.

Well I'm American with a mother from Spain and a sister married to a Brit.
I get along well with with both Europeans and Americans. Not to suggest that I become friends with everyone I meet. But I can't say I've ever experienced a cultural difference that would make me more comfortable with one over another.
Not sure how many Americans you are exposed to in China, but I wouldn't read too deeply into it. Keep in mind that America is a big place and personalities can vary from different regions.
So don't let your experience with a few people form your opinion of a whole nation otherwise you may miss out on some great friends going forward.

legion said:

I'm not European, but being Australian I have not found it any more difficult connecting with Americans to Europeans. Sometimes we Aussies need to be a little careful to remember that our sense of humour can be taken the wrong way in other countries (If you see the way we talk to one another in GSL you would think we are mean! ) but I don't think the continent has much baring on how easy you all are to get along with.

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You poor Aussies, I don't what you're so worried about, nobody seems gets my sense of humor regardless of the nationality.

scottish steve said:

I'm not fishing for anything. It was a genuine question. Do you think I run the other way whenever I see an American? I have never treated anyone badly due to race, religion, skin colour or anything else i can think of that might make me a bad person. I will have no problem with a mod deleting this whole thread as the free and useful discussion I was looking for obviously isn't going to happen.
i aologise for my lack of judgement in posting this thread.

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Oh, no, no, no, no... we aren't letting you off the hook like that Steve. I may not be a mod, but I'm sure this thread is going to stand for all eternity now.

Anyway getting back to the original question at hand, who cares what the nationality of the people you're hanging out with is? It's the quality of the company that matters.

galopede said:

Seriously though, I have no problem with anyone unless they are unpleasant themselves, race or nationality doesn't come into it.

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Same here, honestly I get along fine with people no matter the point of origin. We're all human last time I checked.

Mind you, I do agree with our Aussie friend about the sense of humour as I have been castigated on this very forum for my non American sense of humour! Ours and the Aussie is far more caustic than the average American's. We seem to be less offended in general. I have to be very careful what I say in jest here.

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More caustic? Sounds I like I need to move to Australia!

I'm American and live in Japan, and my circle includes Brits, Aussies, Indians, Japanese and Americans. Cannot say that any of them are easier or harder to get along with because of their origins. Personal differences far outweigh national differences. (Although as a Texan, I do find the Aussies awfully compatible...we can be a bit blunt and earthy at times, but with a laugh.)