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The official Clown House Limerick thread

The official Clown House Limerick thread
You post limericks here to be read
But keep them clean
They can't be obscene
Or this limerick thread will be dead.
 

Alacrity59

Wanting for wisdom
No . . . how about mildly dirty?

I'm going for it . . . push the bounds or . . . well heck a mod can delete it.

There once was a man called Lee
who was flying TWA to Dundee
when the stewardess did say
"Coffee TWA?"
he replied . . . "No . . . Just TWA . .. Tea"
 
A young schizophrenic named Struther,
Who learned of the death of his Brother,
Said, "I know that its bad,
But I don't feel too sad.
After all, I still have each other."
 
There once was a lady named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She went out one day
In the usual way
And returned on the previous night.
 
'Tis a favourite project of mine,

A new value of pi to assign.

I would fix it at 3,

For it's simpler, you see,

Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
 
There once was a man named Park,
who shaved himself in the dark.
He fell with a thud,
as he slipped in the blood.
And his face he forever did mark.
 
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This was the first limerick of the first compilation of limericks written by Edward Lear and published as the Book of Nonsense, in the year 1846. This this is the first record of a limerick ever written and published.


"There was an Old Man with a beard
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen
Four Larks and a Wren
Have all built their nests in my beard!"
 
Prope mare erat tubulator
Qui virginem ingrediebatur
"Desine ingressus,
Audivi progressus!"
"Est mihi," inquit tubulator.
 
There once was a man named Park,
who shaved himself in the dark.
He fell with a thud,
as he slipped in the blood.
And his face he forever did mark.
There once was a man named Dwight,
who did all his shaving at night.
When his friends asked him "Why?"
He said "I might die,
If SWMBO sees my den in the light."
 

garyg

B&B membership has its percs
All's I know (sorry apostrophe police if that is wrongful :blush:) are ones that end badly, but subscribing to hear more.

Austin
 
"The problem with playing the cello,"
Said a girl to her favourite fellow,
"Is the thing is quite tall,
And it's no fun at a,
But the sound is delightfully mellow."
 
A young clarinetist named Benny
Had a band that excited the many.
Jitterbug and Jive,
Kept the dancers alive,
And Goodman made quite a good penny.
 
Spaulding! Get your foot off the boat!

"lt's easy to grin
when your ship comes in...
and you've got the stock market beat.
But the man worthwhile,
is the man who can smile...
when his shorts are too tight
in the seat! "
 
Said Einstein: "I have an equation
Which science might call Rabelaisian.
Let P be virginity
Approaching infinity,
And U be a constant, persuasion."

"Now if P over U be inverted
And the square root of U be inserted
X times over P,
The result, Q.E.D.
Is a relative." Einstein asserted.
 
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along
And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be rude
 
There once was a man named Gillette,
Who wants every guy he can get,
To keep buying his cartridges,
And we see just how smart he is,
Since they haven't stopped buying them yet.
 
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If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean Chinchilla’s chin chilly
 
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