WW1 for Dummies

[Legion]

WWI - A Short Synopsis

Germany, Austria and Italy are stood together in the middle of the bar-room, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not
intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.
Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on
Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room
chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over, then walks over, waves a fist at Germany while Britain knocks it out, then pretends it
won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault. While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

[ouch]

You lost me when you used the words "France" and "fighting" in the same sentence.

[instpasr]

Exactly how I learned it in school

[VonMises1881]

Excellent work. And not a bad way to teach people the amount of intrigue and overlapping alliances that led up to the Great War. You could possibly add:

Ireland came in fighting for Britian, throwing haymakers in Flanders and ended up taking a swing at its quasi-ally by the time the war was over.

[Prince]

That about sums it up.

[Neuromancer]

Wow...you could make a movie outta that...

[TheFlyingFrenchman]

I think we could save public schools a lot of time if we just explained it this way XD

[DFrancis]

ok, now do WWII.

Excellent.

[blackfoot]

This is so hilarious! I love it! Thank you for a very educational laugh!

[Shave Cave Dweller]

Umm Umm could you now explain Physics for me...

Great job Normally I never finish long posts, but this one held me start to finish....

[Muscles]

Very clever indeed

[honed]

Hilarious

And educating too!

[Patrik]

ok, now do WWII.

collegehumor.com already did - Facebook-style. I've read it several times and it still makes me LOL: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1802364

Oh, and to the OP - very well done, thanks for the amusing history lesson!

[Isaac]

That WWII was equally as funny

[csmorris]

Stunning!

[DFrancis]

collegehumor.com already did - Facebook-style. I've read it several times and it still makes me LOL: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1802364

Oh, and to the OP - very well done, thanks for the amusing history lesson!

Just read it, great. I love that they even got the dates in there.

[Swampfox]

You lost me when you used the words "France" and "fighting" in the same sentence.

rotflmao

[VonMises1881]

In all fairness. The French took a serious beating in the Great War and they exhibited plenty of bravery. Of course, in the second one they didn't perform so well, but can you really blame them? They got scorched the first time around, second if you count the Franco/Prussian War. They just wanted nothing to do with the Wehrmacht and there are plenty of unvisited tombs of people who thought it was a good idea to stand up to the Germans.

[mdunn]

"Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting."

[Swampfox]

In all fairness. The French took a serious beating in the Great War and they exhibited plenty of bravery. Of course, in the second one they didn't perform so well, but can you really blame them? They got scorched the first time around, second if you count the Franco/Prussian War. They just wanted nothing to do with the Wehrmacht and there are plenty of unvisited tombs of people who thought it was a good idea to stand up to the Germans.

The French were only really good once and that was under Napoleon. They were poor fighters before, and even worse after. If they had been better at war and building empires than the Saxons, then they would not have lost the first world war (Seven Years'), and all of North America would be French speaking.