Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!!
I made this as a present for all here at B&B. Enjoy!!
The Night Before Christmas - Badger & Blade Version
By Pat (Castlecraver)
T’was the night before Christmas, And all through my face,
Not a stubble survived, Not even a trace.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While I replied to one more brand new shaving brush thread.
I turned off the PC and glanced at my watch,
Having just settled in for a cigar and a scotch.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my recliner to see what was the matter.
I put down my smoke without a moment to think,
And peered out the window without spilling my drink.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Looked as smooth as my face, which felt all aglow.
When, what to my wondering eyes did present,
But a miniature sleigh, pulled by eight large grey rodents.
With a little old driver, so scruffy and unshaven
I wondered if St. Nick sought a barbershop haven.
More rapid than eagles his badgers they came,
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now Shavemac! Now Merkur! Now Rooney and Plisson!”
“On Muhle, On Jagger, On Vulfix and Simpson!”
To the top of the house, through the snow he did plow,
“I need a shave, and I need it right now!”
So up to the house top the badgers did haul,
The bearded fat man, bags, sleigh and all.
As I finished my scotch and was turning around
Down the chimney St. Nick came with a bound.
He looked quite the state, with that dusty white beard
I knew that tonight, that face must be cleared.
“I would’ve had my razor with me in my sleigh,
But they made me check my double-edge, thanks a lot, TSA.”
“Now away to your bathroom, I can’t waste a minute.”
So he ran dashed to the sink and dug through my kit.
He turned on the water and tugged his beard with a scowl,
Selected the B&B Essential and applied a hot towel.
The old man reached for a soap from my shelf,
And lathered away quickly, the jolly old elf.
He lathered his beard, which he seemed to enjoy,
Pulled out a Feather, and loaded my Fat Boy.
Quickly he proceeded to shave off his beard,
My sink filled with each gray hair as it was sheared.
Wasting no time he rinsed and re-lathered,
Flinging droplets of soap on the mirror as he slathered.
Slicing cleanly through the stubble, Santa was frantic,
He then J-hooked on his neck (he must have learned it from Mantic).
He stared at his face, looking a quite different gent,
Then rinsed and applied a nice aftershave scent.
“Ahh,” he exclaimed “That feels much cleaner,”
I noticed he grinned with an improved demeanor.
“I’ve had a long night, and a shave surely does soothe,”
“There’s nothing quite like feeling baby’s butt smooth!”
“But now I must fly, at the North Pole they need me,”
“And I’m expecting shipments from Lee and QED”
So away to the chimney he ran with great haste
A fine, fetching gent with a clean-shaven face.
And laying a hand to the side of his cheek,
Massaging his face for one last critique,
He rose up the chimney, with nary a word
Back into his sleigh, the badgers he spurred.
And I heard him exclaim, as he rose with a wave,
“MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GREAT SHAVE!!!”