What do you do with an obnoxious jerk?

I've had a Saturday morning doubles game (tennis) for a couple of years now, and we all enjoy it a lot. It's a great way to start off the weekend. This year, one of our regulars retired from the game, and another one had too many personal commitments, so we had to get 2 replacements (we rotate 5 guys for the 4 spots, because there is always someone who can't make it.) We got a duo from another club who are well-matched to us skill-wise, but a personality clash has developed, and may soon get out of hand. One of the guys is great -- a real gentleman. The other one is just a loud-mouthed, annoying putz. At first he was on his good behavior, but as he's gotten more comfortable, I suppose his true personality has started to come out, and that's not a good thing. He's constantly complimenting himself (but no one else), talking trash, even purposely making bad calls just to make things happen (he's actually admitted this), and generally being an unpleasant distraction. He's paid for his season in full, so there's nothing I can do to kick him out, even though I am the "captain" of the foursome (just trust me, it doesn't work that way -- I would if I could). We've tried telling him, but it doesn't help (that's what makes him an obnoxious jerk). I can get rid of him next year, but I think we're stuck with him for this year. Quitting is not an option for me either -- it's hard to find a competitive indoor game for the winter at the early hour I like to play, and I would likely have to forfeit my substantial dues if I just walked out on the game.

I know better than to expect a real answer, but I simply don't know what to do. I'm really just blowing off steam (I started thinking about it again this afternoon and I've gotten myself all worked up over it). Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

Easy! Grab a roll of duct tape and a tennis ball. Insert tennis ball firmly in jerk's mouth. Tape securely into place with a liberal amount of duct tape. Problem solved. He can't talk, but he can play doubles with ease. Everyone wins.

WWTD?

I'm not much into tennis, to be honest. I'd say just do your best to live and let live. Situation stinks, but you can try to limit his ability to do anything to cause you grief-don't let him make calls, try to keep everyone level headed. Best of luck!

jim said:

wwtd?

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lol

my two cents: shoot him out of a cannon into a hornet's nest

Jim said:

WWTD?

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Two problems:

1. I don't know the right people to call.

2. I'm afraid that, if I did, this guy would be the one who answered.

Can you offer him a nice hot cup of ex-lax spiked cocoa before the game?

I like the cannon idea, but I usually prefer to aim it at a bears mouth instead of a hornets nest. The bears just love it!

Don't let some jerkbag get under your skin, stay positive and I'm sure a solution will present itself. Good luck, man!

He who gets mad first, loses. Keep your cool, laugh at him. Don't let him get to you, because if you do, he wins (and that's what he's really after).

Tom Pike said:

He who gets mad first, loses. Keep your cool, laugh at him. Don't let him get to you, because if you do, he wins (and that's what he's really after).

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I agree. However I'm a little confused you have no recourse. It sounds like the "contract" he has is through your club or organization? If so, isn't there a grievance process? It doesn't sound like you (or anybody else on the team) would be upset if you really made him show his colors by forcing him off, so why not pursue any formal action available? Although I'd agree you must take the high road in the mean time, you and your mates are there to enjoy the game and companionship.

Good luck!

Tom Pike said:

Keep your cool, laugh at him. Don't let him get to you, because if you do, he wins (and that's what he's really after).

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+1 What he says. I've found laughter to be a great way to deflate folks like that - they don't like to be laughed at.

texbilly said:

I agree. However I'm a little confused you have no recourse. It sounds like the "contract" he has is through your club or organization? If so, isn't there a grievance process? It doesn't sound like you (or anybody else on the team) would be upset if you really made him show his colors by forcing him off, so why not pursue any formal action available? Although I'd agree you must take the high road in the mean time, you and your mates are there to enjoy the game and companionship.

Good luck!

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If I had that type of recourse, I would certainly use it. Trust me that I don't. Certainly, if it was a more formal club, it would be different. This is essentially just 5 guys buying two hours of time at the local indoor courts, but you have to buy it for the season and it runs a little under $1k per man. None of us is about to buy this guy out, and we don't have another prospect at the moment. I could go to a different club, but this is one of the few indoor clay courts in the area, and hard courts are tough on my knees (meniscus issues).

Mitch, Miles and Tom all have the right idea. Unfortunately, for me, sometimes that's a lot easier said than done.

I'm the kind of guy that would speak plainly to him. If he knew that you guys didn't like his behavior, maybe he'd change. You don't have to lose your cool, and you may be able to get the point across in a light-hearted way. But, you've got a long time to put up with this dude, and the longer something like this festers, the worse it gets.

I'll tell ya what. Use his words against him, he laughs at a mistake someone makes laugh louder when he screws up keep that going till he gets "upset" then tell the jerk off that's how he's been treating other people and he needs to cool it if he wants to continue playing. If that's a situation that's happening. But use what he does against him that will make him notice, if being a gentleman and telling him he's being a fool and annoying doesn't work.

How are the others handling it? Do they see what's happening?

Can you somehow latch onto their vibe, assuming that they're coming through it o.k.?

richmondesi said:

I'm the kind of guy that would speak plainly to him. If he knew that you guys didn't like his behavior, maybe he'd change. You don't have to lose your cool, and you may be able to get the point across in a light-hearted way. But, you've got a long time to put up with this dude, and the longer something like this festers, the worse it gets.

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Me too, Paul. Unfortunately, that didn't work this time; if anything, it made things worse. Hence, my frustration.

82R100 said:

How are the others handling it?

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They come to me and say: "Neil, how do we put a muzzle on this guy?"

strat1117 said:

Me too, Paul. Unfortunately, that didn't work with this guy. If anything, it made things worse.

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Then laugh at him. Let him know every time something like that happens, you think he's a sad little man. You can also drop a "sorry about your junk" on him when he's acting like that because he's compensating for some short coming with that behavior. If it ever does come to blows then he'll be gone for sure

beat him to death with rackets.

drag his steaming corpse around the facility chanting "this is what happens to cheaters/what goes around comes around"

let him moulder by the door with a sign pinned to his rotting tennies - "cheaters are never winners."


Not only will it take care of this bozo - it will deter rude behavior in others!


or - you could email him a link to this thread....

How about after tennis, you and the other gentlemen overtly plan on some other activity later, like brunch or cocktails, and make it clear that he is NOT INCLUDED. Then next Saturday, casually talk about what a great time you guys all had (even if it didn't happen) I know this sounds like a cruel prank some teenage girls play on each other, but you never know. If he figures out he's missing out on some good male companionship and comeraderie because of his obnoxious behavior, he might wise up.
Beating him to death with your rackets might also be a good idea, too.

I feel for you on this one Neil, I played in a bowling league where we had a couple leave our fours team, we put an ad on the notice board and this woman and her daughter replied. We had a couple of social games with them and decided to give them a go, big mistake, after the second week the mother started excessively and loudly scritching (vocally encouraging the ball) the ball every bowl. It became so annoying we eventually asked her to stop doing it, this exacerbated the problem, we approached the league director who had already had complaints about her from other teams in the league. The league director told her to control herself as the behaviour was considered unsportsmanlike, upon hearing this she did desist to the point of the behaviour being acceptable, barely!

So may I suggest that you approach his partner/other player on his side and ask him to get the guy to wise up firstly and if that doesn`t work there must be someone who can reign this guy in for his display of unsportsmanlike antics, tennis is meant to be a fair and gentlemanly sport, braggards and bores aren`t gentlemen and have no place on the court. The tennis center management should have a plan for circumstances like this in place.

I like the old saying "don`t get mad, get even!" but it sounds like this guy doesn`t have a clue, sounds like any reasonable approach will fall on deaf ears you may be flogging a dead horse with this guy

Stephen.