Overall, what is the best safety razor for a newbie to start off with using? (Especially a newbie who is worried to death about cutting the heck out of himself)
There is really no "best" to start with, it's all basically opinion on which might be "the best".
But a very gentle and mild razor is the Gillette Tech.
A step up would be a Gillette Superspeed.
Both of these are suitable for someone new to wetshaving, and doesn't have an expert hand yet.
A while back, the Merkur HD, Mod 34, was the one that was being recommended. It is available and known. Also recommended was a sampler pack of blades from www.westcoastshaving.com .
Having only just started on this, the Merkur HD is the one that is most often recommended for a beginner, so I went with that.
Although I'm not sure what a beginner is. I've wet shaved for near 30 years, so, while there's stuff I will need to learn about doing a good job with nice soaps, creams etc, the basic mechanics of shaving, and knowledge of my own beard growth is already there. I suspect for those who have only ever electric shaved, this may need to be learnt as well.
But I approached the HD with the respect a fixed blade deserves, and realised I had to adapt from the blase swipes that carts let you get away with.
You may also want to pick up a Tech just to compare to your HD. They're relatively inexpensive and plentiful, both here and on ebay. Enjoy your HD when it arrives!