Medical Question --The Big V

[lamontqsanford]

My wife and I have decided that we are no longer going to try for another child. We have one beautiful 4 year old son and after trying for another the last 1 1/2 years we are throwing the towel in. We have decided that I will get a Vasectomy. I need some info on what I have in store for me.

Do I need to allow for time off of work?

How long is the healing process?

What things should I avoid, etc.

PS, please no war stories I am already freaked out.

[Razorlite]

:w00t:
Brave guy!!

[texcattlerancher]

Time off -- Do it on a Friday. You will be back to work on Monday.

Healing time -- See previous answer.

Avoid -- You have to avoid intimate relations until your doctor tells you you are shooting blanks. Be sure and act helpless and all in pain (imagined of course) so that your wife will wait on you all weekend while you recover from this most horrendous of medical procedures.

[ogopogo]

Be sure and act helpless and all in pain (imagined of course) so that your wife will wait on you all weekend while you recover from this most horrendous of medical procedures.
This is very good advice, sir.

[Isaias]

Time off -- Do it on a Friday. You will be back to work on Monday.

Healing time -- See previous answer.

Avoid -- You have to avoid intimate relations until your doctor tells you you are shooting blanks. Be sure and act helpless and all in pain (imagined of course) so that your wife will wait on you all weekend while you recover from this most horrendous of medical procedures.

Spice it up, give her a taste of some female medicine. say you are doing this for her, you cannot move from your couch and you really need a beer. Tell her this is your version of the dude pushing tires and carrying rocks to say "I {heart} u"

[redbike]

I can say from experience it's really not a big deal. Find a surgeon who is very experienced. At my pre-op app't the first thing out of my surgeon's mouth was that he had performed the surgery 5,500 x, which I found very reassuring. That and he had done the surgery on my primary care physician.

The most painful part is the anesthesia injection - about 5 seconds of acute discomfort on each side. There will also be some uncomfortable pulling sensations at points during the procedure.

You should be able to walk out of the hospital without feeling too bad.

Do not lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for the first week.

My pcp suggested that I take ibuprophen vs the narcotic that you will likely be prescribed for pain. I took the narcotic the first night and the ibuprophen was quite sufficient thereafter. It's also important to use ice packs to keep the swelling down. I rented about 5 movies and spent the weekend (surgery on Friday) watching them and sitting on the ice. Worked great.

I was riding a bike w/in two weeks.

Good luck. The surgery sounds a lot worse than it is.

jim

[sol92258]

Spice it up, give her a taste of some female medicine. say you are doing this for her, you cannot move from your couch and you really need a beer. Tell her this is your version of the dude pushing tires and carrying rocks to say "I {heart} u"
:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[sol92258]

the good part is, you get to shave more than usual!
:lol::lol::lol:

in fact, do a search, someone's already posted a diagram of "how to shave for a vasectomy", but I can't remember exactly what it was titled



My wife and I have decided that we are no longer going to try for another child. We have one beautiful 4 year old son and after trying for another the last 1 1/2 years we are throwing the towel in. We have decided that I will get a Vasectomy. I need some info on what I have in store for me.

Do I need to allow for time off of work?

How long is the healing process?

What things should I avoid, etc.

PS, please no war stories I am already freaked out.

[texcattlerancher]

Did I mention that the surgery is horrendous?

[Semi-Constant Gardener]

Texcattlerancher is right on. When I was a RN student I scrubbed in on vasectomies at a local Planned Parenthood in Cleveland, which were done on Friday evenings. The procedure can be accomplished in 10 minutes or less; my doc used to administer a bit of valium intravenously (into the bloodstream) in addition to some local anesthetic which made for a very happy patient. Most usual issues involve some minor bruising which is the result of minor skin bleeding, and occasionally some swelling. You can shower after 24 hours and are usually advised to wear supportive underwear, and not boxers for a couple of days to give your boys a little extra support.
The advice not to have unprotected sex is important -- it can take weeks for you to be shooting blanks. So consider yourself armed and dangerous until the MD it is safe. You'll need to ejaculate as many as 20 times to clear the tubes -- so "Honey, time for the procedure!" will be her signal to do her part in the post-operative period. The doc will probably want to look at a sample under the microscope to make sure there are no longer any swimmers in the ejaculate.
You can probably milk (no pun intended) a month's worth of sympathy, sexual favors, and exemption from house work as a result of your bravery and "sacrifice."
When the patients asked the doc how soon they could have sex, the canned answer was "Please just wait until you get home."
Best of luck to you.

[sol92258]

Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Why don't you tell us what's involved in the procedure.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Yeah, I'm dying to hear this.
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): Well, the morning of your appointment you'd have to shave in the area where I'll be making the incisions.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): [pointing at his crotch] Shave? Here?
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): It's just a routine procedure.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Not in my house it's not! What do you think, I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, comb my hair, and shave Ping and Pong?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Well, you could go to a barber but it might be a little awkward.
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): The first thing I do is give you a shot that's a local.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Local like here in Detroit?
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): No local like here in your scrotum.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Oh boy.
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): That does sting for a few seconds.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): You think?
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): Then I make two small cuts and simply divide and tie up the tubes. The discomfort is really very minimal.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Yeah, why don't you tell that to the boys in the basement!
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): You'll be back to normal in a few days. The only restriction at all is that you won't be able to drive home that day.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): What? I can't drive? Forget about it.
[gets up]
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): [gets up] Now, what do you mean "forget about it?"
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): [gets his jacket] Honey, honestly I was really into it up till that point. The driving thing, that iced it.
[opens the door]
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): It's just one day!
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Look, it's bad enough to separate a man from his sperm, but to separate a man from his car - that's inhuman!
[leaves]
__________________________________________________ ________________
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Tim, didn't you hear one word that doctor said?
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Yeah, yeah. She wants to take the Zippidy out of my Doo-Dah!
__________________________________________________ _______________
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): So what d'you think?
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): I think I have more questions.
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Okay, such as what?
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Do they make a home kit so I can do it right here in the garage?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): I don't think so.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Could this count as your birthday present?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Absolutely, yeah. For once, I wouldn't have to stand in line and return it.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): And, um, while I'm preparing for this, will you go out a find me very, very mild aftershave?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): [laughs] Yeah, I'll work on that, yeah.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Gotta be careful about slapping it on, too.
__________________________________________________ ______________
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): A woman? You brought me here to see a woman?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): I didn't know she was a woman. My gynecologist just said Dr. Kaplan was the best urologist in town.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): How am I supposed to talk to a woman about what's going on in man land?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): "Man Land?" Now you've got a theme park between your legs?
__________________________________________________ ______________

[Rollsshaver]

Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Why don't you tell us what's involved in the procedure.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Yeah, I'm dying to hear this.
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): Well, the morning of your appointment you'd have to shave in the area where I'll be making the incisions.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): [pointing at his crotch] Shave? Here?
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): It's just a routine procedure.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Not in my house it's not! What do you think, I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, comb my hair, and shave Ping and Pong?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Well, you could go to a barber but it might be a little awkward.
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): The first thing I do is give you a shot that's a local.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Local like here in Detroit?
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): No local like here in your scrotum.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Oh boy.
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): That does sting for a few seconds.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): You think?
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): Then I make two small cuts and simply divide and tie up the tubes. The discomfort is really very minimal.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Yeah, why don't you tell that to the boys in the basement!
Dr. Kaplan (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0574797/): You'll be back to normal in a few days. The only restriction at all is that you won't be able to drive home that day.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): What? I can't drive? Forget about it.
[gets up]
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): [gets up] Now, what do you mean "forget about it?"
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): [gets his jacket] Honey, honestly I was really into it up till that point. The driving thing, that iced it.
[opens the door]
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): It's just one day!
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Look, it's bad enough to separate a man from his sperm, but to separate a man from his car - that's inhuman!
[leaves]
__________________________________________________ ________________
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Tim, didn't you hear one word that doctor said?
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Yeah, yeah. She wants to take the Zippidy out of my Doo-Dah!
__________________________________________________ _______________
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): So what d'you think?
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): I think I have more questions.
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Okay, such as what?
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Do they make a home kit so I can do it right here in the garage?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): I don't think so.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Could this count as your birthday present?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): Absolutely, yeah. For once, I wouldn't have to stand in line and return it.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): And, um, while I'm preparing for this, will you go out a find me very, very mild aftershave?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): [laughs] Yeah, I'll work on that, yeah.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): Gotta be careful about slapping it on, too.
__________________________________________________ ______________
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): A woman? You brought me here to see a woman?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): I didn't know she was a woman. My gynecologist just said Dr. Kaplan was the best urologist in town.
Tim Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000741/): How am I supposed to talk to a woman about what's going on in man land?
Jill Taylor (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005359/): "Man Land?" Now you've got a theme park between your legs?
__________________________________________________ ______________


There is not a smiley on the web that would do this justice. I need to pee now!!

[SCWilson]

I'll be going in for the procedure sometime in the next few months. My wife and I have one son (1.5 years old) and another on the way (due date is January 22). The second was not planned, WE WERE PREVENTING!!!! Obviously, my boys can swim pretty well, so I'm getting snipped and my wife is getting tied.

It takes about 20 times to make sure you are not firing live rounds. Edited to add: A little late on posting that part.

Good luck to you.

[red2]

No first hand experience here. but this guy at my work had it done. He came back to work too soon. Too much activity aggravated things. He then missed several days. A female co-worker said this guy made the same mistake as her husband: He started doing things because he felt good, but before he had rested the amount of time recommended. Then he didn't feel good. So no throwing hay bails until the doc days its okay

[sol92258]

there was another quote I couldn't find from that episode, where one of his buddies confides with him secretly that he had the operation, and the biggest benefit....ah, here it is...

(Harry reveals he has had a vasectomy)
Harry: It really helps your sex life.
Tim: Are you and Dolores closer?
Harry: No.
Tim: Then how does it help?
Harry: Anytime, anywhere!

[ScottS]

http://www.broadcaster.com/clip/546http://

[Sam]

I had it done. Easy procedure and only time insurance has paid to have a nurse hold my balls, lol. Small sedative and an injection, 10 minutes, no pain. Told to wear supportive undewear all weekend and rest up. I cut the yard Monday, on a riding mower.

I did get epadidamidis (elephantine balls), an infection in the scrotum or something like that, about 8 months later. Other than that, all that have said before are what I would say (be careful, ejaculate about a couple dozen times, then get the sample done and good to go if Doc says so).