gun safe dilemma: what do I do?

[gaseousclay]

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51xcu97mhsL.jpg

I finally found an affordable, fire-proof gunsafe that i'd like to eventually buy to house my future gun collection. however, my wife insists that I keep any and all guns at her mom's house at the farm which is 45 minutes away. I mentioned the safe to her and she wouldn't hear me out. the only way I get to keep a firearm in the house is if I got a gunsafe BUT kept the safe in our garage :blink:. not only is the garage a serious liability but it's freezing in the winter and brutally hot in the summer -- I doubt the extreme temperatures can be good for any gun, especially a rifle with a wood stock. so, what options do I have? just bringing up the subject makes her pretty pissy about the whole thing and I have to hear some long, drawn out diatribe about how guns are dangerous, we're gonna start a family soon so no guns in the house, blah blah blah. I told her that guns don't kill people, people kill people and that I would be the safest person out there. what recourse do I have? the garage idea just isn't gonna work, unless of course there's some ultra fancy gunsafe out there that's climate controlled.

[DavyRay]

Just wait. You will win. My spouse was adamant that our children would not have toy guns to play with.

My son was still in a high chair when he chewed a piece of toast into the shape of a gun. He pointed it at something in the kitchen and said "bang". My wife said "I give up.".

It's that Y chromosome.

[jmcrawf1]

I'm biased because I'm a "gun guy". I have a room dedicated to my gun hobby. It includes a gun safe, ammo cabinet with 10K assorted rounds, and a reloading bench.

That said, aside from beating your chest and giving her the ole my way or the highway (yea like that works :lol:) I don' tknow what to say.

Horrible as it sounds, it usually takes something happening to someone where they need a gun and feel helpless, to make them see the need for one.

If you can get the safe in the house, then time is your friend. You can gradually make her more comfortable around them.

[gaseousclay]

Her bias is based on ignorance. Educate her by getting her some professional instruction. I've yet to meet a well-informed 'anti'. Go take a course at Front sight or Thunder Ranch together. You'll have fun and you'll be amazed at how much you learn. And you'll both be safer.

i've asked her to go trap shooting with me but she has no interest in it. rather than indulge me she manages to insult me by shooting me down (no pun intended) every time I ask. she complains about how we don't do things together but when I suggest something she shows no interest. I agree that she's being ignorant about the whole thing but I don't know what I can do to get her interested in guns

[jmcrawf1]

i've asked her to go trap shooting with me but she has no interest in it. rather than indulge me she manages to insult me by shooting me down (no pun intended) every time I ask. she complains about how we don't do things together but when I suggest something she shows no interest. I agree that she's being ignorant about the whole thing but I don't know what I can do to get her interested in guns

Sounds like you might need to pull a little rank. There can't be any her way or no way.

[The Nid Hog]

I think it's important to have a safe and secure place to store weapons, but I wouldn't buy a safe to house a future collection. Isn't there a more economical way of locking up a rifle or shotgun? I have a trigger lock on my pistol, but I understand that they don't work for all actions. We never kept rifles locked up in my home when I was a kid, so I don't have any positive suggestions here, other than a vague intuition that there's got to be a better way to start out.

On the other hand, the whole guns don't kill people, people kill people argument is not a good one to make. I don't know anybody who killed themselves with a dolly or a toy train, but I know plenty of people who killed themselves, their relatives and their friends with guns. Turns out that they work really well for that. Instead of taking totally the opposite position, take a more reasonable one. If you argue in absolutes, the garage or grandmas house aren't any safer. Kids can go over there and shoot themselves too. Come up with a good plan for home security. I don't think it needs to be as expensive or intrusive as a safe, unless the wife is already into having firearms in the house. It just needs to be reliable.

On the other, other hand, it's going to be a hard argument to win. It's tough to be in a relationship with someone who is strongly opposed to something that really interests you. I wish that I had some good advice for that, but I don't. Over the years, I've come to realized that we really notice it when people change their position on something, but the truth is that I don't think that most people ever do. It's too bad you didn't sort this stuff out when you were dating. The stakes are much lower then.

[dpmtherrien]

As a retired police officer I know for sure that you can do serious harm and kill someone with almost anything, so what's the big fuss over a gun. A gun is only a tool, and should be kept ready to use if needed. You wouldn't have a hammer in the house where the handle was on one place, and the head in the basement or locked in a safe would you. The hammer wouldn't be ready if needed. Same thing with a gun, if someone broke into your house, and was armed and dangerous, who was for sure going to do you harm, what would you do? Ask him to wait while you went and got your gun from a locked safe in the basement, and then went upstairs to get the bullets from the attic? A person has the right to protect their home and family. The highest court of the land has affirmed this. Waiting to take action after something happens is way to late. There are some very sick and dangerous people out and about in every single part of this country. A gun safe is good for storing your extra guns, but have one ready to go, just in case. :thumbup1:

[PaulX608]

I doubt that I would want to start a family who seeks to perpetuate such baseless fear and ignorance. I grew up in a house full of firearms, as have all four of my kids. I treat them (the firearms) as any other potentially harmful tools in the house. Everybody I know has a big block full of knives in their kitchen that are more accessible and easier to use than any firearm. They don't seem to think they should be locked away to be safe. The difference is that the kids grow up seeing the knives in action. When a child sees you cutting something in half with the knife, they learn very quickly what it does and what it could do to them. And we tell them 'Don't touch the knife, it will cut you. When you're older, we will teach you to use it safely.' I've always treated all my tools the same way. My kids grow up knowing what the knife is and what it does and they never cut themselves. They learned the same lesson the same way about the stove, hammers, screwdrivers, saws, firearms, drills, etc. Some people, as well as the media, treat firearms as if they're some mystical device filled with wonder. I never allow that attitude to evolve. I carry every day, sometimes open, sometimes concealed. I'm wearing my .38 snub sitting here at the computer. It's a normal tool they see every day. When they turn 10, I teach them to shoot. Usually with a .22 rifle. I'm not a fan of toy guns at all, they bring about unfavorable handling habits. Air guns are OK in my book, but only after training with something that generates a bit more respect.

Anyway, my initial statement was a bit tongue-in-cheek. I'm sure you wouldn't dump her for this issue. But I, myself, would have a serious issue with continuing a relationship with someone that opposed to my own beliefs.

[The Nid Hog]

As a retired police officer I know for sure that you can do serious harm and kill someone with almost anything, so what's the big fuss over a gun. A gun is only a tool, and should be kept ready to use if needed. You wouldn't have a hammer in the house where the handle was on one place, and the head in the basement or locked in a safe would you. The hammer wouldn't be ready if needed. Same thing with a gun, if someone broke into your house, and was armed and dangerous, who was for sure going to do you harm, what would you do? Ask him to wait while you went and got your gun from a locked safe in the basement, and then went upstairs to get the bullets from the attic? A person has the right to protect their home and family. The highest court of the land has affirmed this. Waiting to take action after something happens is way to late. There are some very sick and dangerous people out and about in every single part of this country. A gun safe is good for storing your extra guns, but have one ready to go, just in case. :thumbup1:

All good points. I'm a gun owner myself and, for the most part, I agree with you. However, none of my carpenter friends have ever been killed by an AD from their nail gun. I don't know any engineers whose girlfriends got mad at them and beat them to death with their calculator or a PS3. However, I have a policeman buddy whose girlfriend shot him in the head with his service sidearm and another friend whose wife shot her parents then killed herself with his shotgun. I've seen Marines who stabbed themselves while fooling around with their knives and Marines who shot their buddies while fooling around with their weapons. The difference in damage was significant. The other day at work I dropped a book on my foot and, apart from a bruise, there wasn't much damage at all. Maybe my anecdotal evidence just happens to skew in one direction. It doesn't mean you should keep your weapons locked up in a box inside a safe inside somebody else's house. But it means that you should take their ability to do terrible damage very seriously. Otherwise, soldiers would go into combat armed with pugil sticks.

The reason I make this point is that the OP isn't married to the Supreme Court. He's married to a woman who is opposed to having firearms in the home. Extreme arguments and rigid statements of personal conviction aren't going to change anything.

[gaseousclay]

On the other hand, the whole guns don't kill people, people kill people argument is not a good one to make. I don't know anybody who killed themselves with a dolly or a toy train, but I know plenty of people who killed themselves, their relatives and their friends with guns. Turns out that they work really well for that. Instead of taking totally the opposite position, take a more reasonable one. If you argue in absolutes, the garage or grandmas house aren't any safer. Kids can go over there and shoot themselves too. Come up with a good plan for home security. I don't think it needs to be as expensive or intrusive as a safe, unless the wife is already into having firearms in the house. It just needs to be reliable.



I was using the 'guns don't kill people' bit as an example of how people are ultimately responsible for their actions. so whether it's a gun, a knife or a baseball bat, it doesn't really matter. I don't know if my wife is just afraid of guns or afraid of me owning a gun. believe me when I say that I take gun safety very seriously and that I wouldn't do anything to put my wife in harm's way, let alone make her feel unsafe with a gun in the house. I guess i'd like for her to at least engage in a civil conversation rather than shut me down every time I bring it up. I love my wife but she can be unbelievably stubborn

[The Nid Hog]

I was using the 'guns don't kill people' bit as an example of how people are ultimately responsible for their actions. so whether it's a gun, a knife or a baseball bat, it doesn't really matter. I don't know if my wife is just afraid of guns or afraid of me owning a gun. believe me when I say that I take gun safety very seriously and that I wouldn't do anything to put my wife in harm's way, let alone make her feel unsafe with a gun in the house. I guess i'd like for her to at least engage in a civil conversation rather than shut me down every time I bring it up. I love my wife but she can be unbelievably stubborn

I get your point, but I think that it's worth acknowledging that there is something significantly different about a firearm, a knife or a baseball bat. I don't understand why people insist on making this analogy. If your future son thinks about picking up a bat and taking a swing with it, unless little Jimmy is standing next to him, nothing bad will happen. If he decided to brain grandma with hit, he'll have to cross the room with it in his hand before he can do it, and grandma might have something to say about it when he gets there. With a firearm, it just takes a couple of pounds of pressure on the trigger and it's pretty hard to dodge an incoming round. You're really talking about an order of magnitude of difference and it doesn't help your argument to minimize that. That's my feeling about it anyway.

[gaseousclay]

I get your point, but I think that it's worth acknowledging that there is something significantly different about a firearm, a knife or a baseball bat. I don't understand why people insist on making this analogy. If your future son thinks about picking up a bat and taking a swing with it, unless little Jimmy is standing next to him, nothing bad will happen. If he decided to brain grandma with hit, he'll have to cross the room with it in his hand before he can do it, and grandma might have something to say about it when he gets there. With a firearm, it just takes a couple of pounds of pressure on the trigger and it's pretty hard to dodge an incoming round. You're really talking about an order of magnitude of difference and it doesn't help your argument to minimize that. That's my feeling about it anyway.

good points. I guess I don't know how to resolve this discussion with my wife. I'm trying to be sensitive to her needs and I understand the argument she's making but having me keep a gun at her mom's isn't my idea of comprimise. am I being unreasonable?

[RF1963]

I was born and lived in the UK and am now living in NZ so I don't have the background of easy access to firearms, I've never lived with a constitutional right to bear arms etc.

I think this is one of those domestic things you're just going to have to accept. Your best beloved doesn't want guns in the house. Seems to me she's compromised by offering the garage. I really think you're stuck with things the way they are. She may well be unreasoning, stubborn, unthinking in her prejudice against firearms but that's the way she is.

I think you have to decide how much of a deal breaker is this. At the moment an irresistible force (you and your firearms) has met an immovable object (SWMBO and her determined NO to guns in this house). Something's got to give and I suggest it should be you

[mmadha]

Her bias is based on ignorance. Educate her by getting her some professional instruction. I've yet to meet a well-informed 'anti'. Go take a course at Front sight or Thunder Ranch together. You'll have fun and you'll be amazed at how much you learn. And you'll both be safer.

My grandfather was in the Navy, a US Marshall, and local sheriff for many years. He taught me the "four cardinal rules" of gun safety and I have a decent amount of experience firing guns but would never consider having one in my home or around my children. Say what you will, but I consider myself staunchly anti-gun.

All that being said, in relation to the thread may I suggest convincing your wife a trigger-lock is a less expensive, smaller, and more efficient way to give some semblance of gun safety.

[doublebucklemonk]

Assuming "Twin Cities" is Minneapolis / St. Paul.

Ask her if she would consider taking a firearms safety course. In addition to all the normal Firearms safety courses the MN DNR offers, they offer special "women only" courses. She would have a chance to learn and get comfortable with the firearms without any of the pressure you may be inadvertantly putting on her. Then once she has had the class, the two of you will be able to have a conversation on equal footing.

[Gruder]

Anyone else see a golden opportunity for the OP to score some shave gear in compromise? :tongue:

[M80]

Cold isn't the problem, moisture is.

Easy fix.

http://www.amazon.com/Browning-Safe-Accessories-Everydry-Dehumidifier/dp/B0013RBD5K/ref=pd_sbs_sg_1

[The Nid Hog]

good points. I guess I don't know how to resolve this discussion with my wife. I'm trying to be sensitive to her needs and I understand the argument she's making but having me keep a gun at her mom's isn't my idea of comprimise. am I being unreasonable?

A good option might be membership in something like a rod and gun club. Although I grew up in a place where owning firearms was the norm, there were still some guys who couldn't get it past the wife. They kept their gear locked up at the local Izaak Walton or similar place. When they wanted it, they could get it. Not a bad idea. When my uncle joined the Marines, he said that they issued him with a rifle and he carried it with him to his next duty station. That's Old Corps. When I was in the Marines, apart from our initial training, we kept them in the armory. I don't remember anybody freaking out about that. Make a compromise so that you can get what you want and so can your wife.

[RF1963]

Anyone else see a golden opportunity for the OP to score some shave gear in compromise? :tongue:


Good call! :thumbup:

[cleancut]

Get yourself a "Goldenrod" to keep in your gunsafe. A Goldenrod is an electric dehumidifying rod that is used to prevent condensation in gunsafes. It will prevent rust from forming on your guns and to some degree will keep them abouve freezing in winter. There is no substitute for proper cleaning and maintenance, so make sure that your guns are kept clean and well lubed with a high quality lubricant such as breakfree. If these suggestions don't work, divorce her!

[lindcruiser]

"sometimes it's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission." Once that safe is in the house it's hard to move. This may seem obtuse but in my opinion it's fighting fire with fire. Taking a new girl to the gun range was one of my acid tests back in the day, if they didn't like guns they were out. Don't make me choose between my wife and my guns because I'm sure gonna miss her!
:lol:

[The Nid Hog]

Again, it's easy to talk smack but it's hard to figure out what to do that will work. Since you never had a "love me, love my guns" talk with her, it's a little late to expect her to knuckle under now. On the other hand, you might want to talk about why she takes up positions against things you want to do. I remember your post about the dog you wanted too. I know that I'm not the one who might wind up sleeping on the couch, but it will probably save heartache and tears down the line if you get to this right now. Especially if there are kids in the pipeline. Raising a family shouldn't mean that you will have to completely abandon your interests, unless you're a self-centered knucklehead. However it does require compromise and there are lots of things that I used to do but that I don't do anymore. More because time and money are scare commodities rather than my wife didn't like them, but sacrifices nonetheless. Still, I think it's worth trying to sort all this out.

[Jim]

Get the safe- put it in the garage-winterize/ AC the garage and turn it into your man cave. Win win.


http://www.codenameinsight.com/photos/man%20cave%203.jpg

[lindcruiser]

but predictably missed the point. I'll try another example: Why would you marry a gal that wanted 20 kids if you don't want any? Why wouldn't you figure out what kind of person you are marrying before you pull the trigger? I guess I've never understood the whole "my wife won't let me" problem, keeping in mind there's a difference between "I want a Maserati we can't afford" and "I want to protect my family". No disrespect Nid but, what's to sort out if she won't let a gun within 20 miles of the house?


Again, it's easy to talk smack but it's hard to figure out what to do that will work. Since you never had a "love me, love my guns" talk with her, it's a little late to expect her to knuckle under now. On the other hand, you might want to talk about why she takes up positions against things you want to do. I remember your post about the dog you wanted too. I know that I'm not the one who might wind up sleeping on the couch, but it will probably save heartache and tears down the line if you get to this right now. Especially if there are kids in the pipeline. Raising a family shouldn't mean that you will have to completely abandon your interests, unless you're a self-centered knucklehead. However it does require compromise and there are lots of things that I used to do but that I don't do anymore. More because time and money are scare commodities rather than my wife didn't like them, but sacrifices nonetheless. Still, I think it's worth trying to sort all this out.

[Obsessed]

How long have you been married? I seem to recall from some of your other posts that your interest in guns is a fairly recent development. If your marriage predates the gun hobby, the fact that she's having a negative reaction is not outrageously surprising, and more flexibility on your part may be in order than if she knew all along that you are a gun guy.

Or there's Jim's idea. :scared::lol:

[kg4ghn]

Again, it's easy to talk smack but it's hard to figure out what to do that will work. Since you never had a "love me, love my guns" talk with her, it's a little late to expect her to knuckle under now. On the other hand, you might want to talk about why she takes up positions against things you want to do. I remember your post about the dog you wanted too. I know that I'm not the one who might wind up sleeping on the couch, but it will probably save heartache and tears down the line if you get to this right now. Especially if there are kids in the pipeline. Raising a family shouldn't mean that you will have to completely abandon your interests, unless you're a self-centered knucklehead. However it does require compromise and there are lots of things that I used to do but that I don't do anymore. More because time and money are scare commodities rather than my wife didn't like them, but sacrifices nonetheless. Still, I think it's worth trying to sort all this out.

+1

The second date me and my wife went on was going to shoot my Glocks.

Seems to me like the only option you have is sitting her down and making her talk about it. Tell her how important it is to you and when she tries to be sarcastic about it say, "look, honey, we need to seriously talk this out. This is something that matters to me. I would appreciate it if you would at least hold off for a minute and listen to what I want to say. Here is what I want: __________ and here is why it won't be a problem ___________" You should get on the internet and look up some stuff, maybe even print some stuff out explaining gun safety. Try corneredcat.com for some good info.

If this doesn't work you have to decide how important having guns is to you. From the way others have posted this isn't the only thing your wife won't listen to you about. If this IS a problem(your wife not taking you seriously) then you need to get it figured out and taken care of. By all means, PLEASE get stuff fixed or get out BEFORE having kids. While having kids is wonderful if your marriage is strained before having kids it is not going to get better after having children. Now, I am not saying for you to leave your wife b/c she won't let you have guns. But if you are not happy in general having kids will just make it worse, and anything you decide to do then will cost a lot more money than now.

[The Nid Hog]

What I'm saying is that he's not dating this girl, he's married to her and it sounds like they're talking about kids. That they didn't work this out before is on him. But now he's in this situation. Grabbing her by the stacking swivel and carrying her to the range probably isn't going to work. So what do you do? You could go out and buy a big gun safe anyway and fill it up with new guns. How's that going to work out? You could give up shooting and cry yourself to sleep at night too. Then you'd get all resentful and that isn't a good recipe for a marriage either. Don't about half of marriages end in divorce? So this stuff is no joke.

He can't turn back the clock and take his fiance out to the range. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to figure out a compromise? Or he could just have the safe delivered. I guess that it all depends on what kind of a person you are. Seems to me it's about more than shooting.


but predictably missed the point. I'll try another example: Why would you marry a gal that wanted 20 kids if you don't want any? Why wouldn't you figure out what kind of person you are marrying before you pull the trigger? I guess I've never understood the whole "my wife won't let me" problem, keeping in mind there's a difference between "I want a Maserati we can't afford" and "I want to protect my family". No disrespect Nid but, what's to sort out if she won't let a gun within 20 miles of the house?

[lindcruiser]

having been married for just over 17 years I have to agree with you Nid, it is no joke. I guess I just get frustrated when someone says their wife won't let them do something that seems reasonable. This could go in lots of different directions but out of respect for the OP and his dilemma, maybe he should just stick the safe in the garage with the aforementioned Goldenrod heater and go from there. I would also suggest that he start her out with a .22 caliber pistol or rifle since shotguns can be intimidating. And, I didn't say he had to fill the safe up with new guns Nid, but I like the way you think!




What I'm saying is that he's not dating this girl, he's married to her and it sounds like they're talking about kids. That they didn't work this out before is on him. But now he's in this situation. Grabbing her by the stacking swivel and carrying her to the range probably isn't going to work. So what do you do? You could go out and buy a big gun safe anyway and fill it up with new guns. How's that going to work out? You could give up shooting and cry yourself to sleep at night too. Then you'd get all resentful and that isn't a good recipe for a marriage either. Don't about half of marriages end in divorce? So this stuff is no joke.

He can't turn back the clock and take his fiance out to the range. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to figure out a compromise? Or he could just have the safe delivered. I guess that it all depends on what kind of a person you are. Seems to me it's about more than shooting.

[dklaiman]

My wife instituted a no gun policy before we got married. It was somewhat irrelevant to me, as I neither had nor wanted any. I do know that our 4 boys have made sticks, legos, fingers, hockey sticks, and just about anything else into guns. So, if she's concerned that your kids will somehow learn a bad behavior from having guns in the house, I think she's off the mark.

That being said, other solutions exist. Our kids, especially when they were little, weren't allowed in the room in our basement with the furnace, hot water heaters, and my power tools. If you have a room like that, it would seem like a perfect place for a gun safe. You could go one step further and promise to disassemble them, remove firing pins, use trigger locks, etc, even when the guns are in the safe.

Finally, check on line. There are several gun shops around the twin cities. One of them may have lockers in which you could store your guns when they're not in use--quite a few have ranges. They may be closer than 45 minutes away.

[Sue]

I don't understand either version of 'won't let me'; "My husband/wife won't let me". That's absurd. Neither the man or the woman OWNS the other.

As far as firearms, I didn't grow up around them. My husband was an avid hunter with many firearms. He kept them in a locked gun cabinet. The two boys and girl were taught about guns and gun safety when young and went target shooting, they helped with reloading. Teach them right.

If your wife will not compromise, you'll probably have bigger issues down the road. Just my opinion.
Sue

[lindcruiser]

+10 Sue!
:thumbup1:




I don't understand either version of 'won't let me'; "My husband/wife won't let me". That's absurd. Neither the man or the woman OWNS the other.

As far as firearms, I didn't grow up around them. My husband was an avid hunter with many firearms. He kept them in a locked gun cabinet. The two boys and girl were taught about guns and gun safety when young and went target shooting, they helped with reloading. Teach them right.

If your wife will not compromise, you'll probably have bigger issues down the road. Just my opinion.
Sue

[The Nid Hog]

And, I didn't say he had to fill the safe up with new guns Nid, but I like the way you think!

Actually, I didn't mean you. It sounds to me like he's getting ready to start a gun collection and he's starting right off with the safe. That's not how I'd do it. I'd get her to suggest that when I made it clear we needed to find a place to put all of my guns. Always better when you give in to her request to do what you wanted to do in the first place.

And I'm with you on these arguments. I've been married for going on 21 years and we just don't have these arguments. You have to respect what the other person likes and wants. When my wife gets interested in something, I try to support her. Why should i care what it is that she decided to do? I like her and I want her to have a good time. I don't stick my nose in what clothes she wears or what perfume she uses--although I'll buy her something that she wants if she drops a hint. I respect her enough to think that her choices are good ones. Besides, what goes around comes around. When I want to do something, I can't imagine that she'd try to make me feel like a jerk

[jcummins]

Putting my 2 cents worth:

One thing I either didn't see or was missing from the information . . . . WHy is she so set on not having guns in the house? What is her reasoning, is it based upon "unknown", or is it based on something that has happened in her life (such as with my wife)?

It seems she is willing to compromise by having the Guns in the Garage. By taking care of your guns and keeping them cleaned and oiled down good and put in a safe with a control element in it (someone mentioned something like it previously) should be fine with keeping it in the Garage. In that way, they are near you for your use, but at a distance she may feel comfortable about.

Keep in mind that it is a compromise, but it is also a "first step". If you are willing to keep them in the garage (at least for now), she might over time see and realize your level of safety is adaquate and that they really represent no real danger to her or the kids and later allow them in the house.


Now, as I was asking Why she is set on no guns in the house - the reasonings may be benificial for someone to help provide some help. Her reason may very well be valid. My wife would be an example of a valid reason.

My wife has once had a friend killed by a gun and another almost killed by a gun, so she is very understandable Seriously Against guns. I am lucky enough though that she will allow me to have guns. I do keep them put up and out of sight - and unloaded (she won't let me have it loaded in the house). My wife will absolutely not even remotely close come to actualy "touching" the gun, but she knows I am responsible with them and knows I am not going to go off the deep end and shoot anyone with it, so she is OK with them being in the house - she doesn't neccissarily Like it, but she is OK with it.

[lindcruiser]

+1 and PM sent in lieu of handshake~
:001_smile



Actually, I didn't mean you. It sounds to me like he's getting ready to start a gun collection and he's starting right off with the safe. That's not how I'd do it. I'd get her to suggest that when I made it clear we needed to find a place to put all of my guns. Always better when you give in to her request to do what you wanted to do in the first place.

And I'm with you on these arguments. I've been married for going on 21 years and we just don't have these arguments. You have to respect what the other person likes and wants. When my wife gets interested in something, I try to support her. Why should i care what it is that she decided to do? I like her and I want her to have a good time. I don't stick my nose in what clothes she wears or what perfume she uses--although I'll buy her something that she wants if she drops a hint. I respect her enough to think that he choices are good ones. Besides, what goes around comes around. When I want to do something, I can't imagine that she'd try to make me feel like a jerk

[AmishFury]

just be glad you're not looking at a safe for my gun collection... i've filled a 14 gun safe yet still have a bunch leaning against some walls

whatever you do never apply for an 03FFL... you'll have UPS dropping off long brown boxes all the time... that sheet of paper is as bad an enabler for old guns as this site is for shave gear

[Ride4TheBrand]

I finally found an affordable, fire-proof gunsafe that i'd like to eventually buy to house my future gun collection.

If it is only a collection, it shouldn't be a concern where you keep them. On the other hand, if you want a weapon(s) for the protection of your family then that's a different matter ... and two entirely different discussions.

[Gruder]

Gentlemen, let's please keep this discussion to the OP's question, and resist the temptation to spin off into a broader gun control debate. Thank you.

[raisindot]

good points. I guess I don't know how to resolve this discussion with my wife. I'm trying to be sensitive to her needs and I understand the argument she's making but having me keep a gun at her mom's isn't my idea of comprimise. am I being unreasonable?

You're not being unreasonable in wanting a gun, but you will look unreasonable in her eyes if you try to make the usual gun-owner's arguments ("It's for safety/guns don't kill people/let's go shoot some and you'll see.")

If you try to wear down her resistance or pull rank, you may win the gun and lose the marriage. It's unclear from your original post whether you had told her of your interest in owning guns before you got married. If you didn't, then she might be asking herself what kind of person did she marry (sorry, but all wives ask this at some point or another. That's the nature of living with men in general).

Instead of trying to make a case for owning the gun, try to get her to reveal the root reasons for her resistance. Perhaps there has been domestic abuse in her family. Perhaps a relative or close friend was killed in a family dispute. Perhaps she's influenced by the stories she reads every day about men (and occasionally women) going crazy and shooting their spouses and their families. Perhaps she grew up in a household that was adamantly against gun ownership. Perhaps, deep down, she's concerned that if she ever gets into a fight with you, you might pull out that gun and go after her or your future children. Her fears are not ignorant or groundless at all, and to enter a conversation from the position that they are is going to exacerbate the distrust she clearly already has.

Instead, ask open-ended, non-judgemental questions that get her to reveal her real reason for her opposition and then validate her responses, whether you believe them or not. Try to stay away from countering fears with counter-arguments. Listen, listen, listen. Ultimately you need to sense whether these fears are so strong that bringing a gun into the house will make them worse.

Based on her responses, you may find that the garage solution is the best you're going to get if you want to preserve your marriage. Or, perhaps, take the bribery approach where you will let her buy something very expensive that she wants to do (like renovating and redecorating the kitchen, or buying a new car, or whatever) in exchange for your gun safe (this shouldn't be the sole basis of your discussion, however).


Good marriages are always about compromise, and both sides give up things they always dream about having or being. After all, you can own all the guns you want when you're single--or divorced.

Jeff in Boston

[Bullwinkle]

if it's for future guns then you are just wanting a safe! camera's, important papers, jewelery, her stuff too! since selling off most of my 'guns' except a select few. there are more bamboo rods, electronic's, glass, and her stuff than guns in the safe.

[Ronan the BARBERian]

It will come down to a choice in the end between

Wife or Guns

and which you want to play with most.

For me its a no brainer, i know who I would prefer for company when I grow old. I don't come from a culture where guns are readily available.

Like everywhere violent crime and burglary exists. I don't believe that carrying a gun makes you any safer.

In any conflict situation I have been in or witnessed these spill over in to violence because of fear. With a gun involved, this fear means that there is a greater chance of an innocent by standers or you loved ones being hurt by a stray bullet. I have had a gun flashed at me and had a stray bullet miss me by an inches/ a second on a moving train, luckily it wasn't my time.

If you remain calm you can talk or run your way out of most situations, if you can't you can stand and fight and use what ever force necessary to protect yourself and defend your loved ones.

[mretzloff]

Anyone else see a golden opportunity for the OP to score some shave gear in compromise? :tongue:

I was just thinking the same thing.

I say agree to the "no gun" rule, but suggest that she let you splurge on shaving gear to reward you giving in :biggrin:

[luvmysuper]

Get an ammo box and a trigger lock. You keep the keys to the ammo box and she keeps the keys to the trigger lock.

After a while of having a firearm in the house, she will see that it doesn't kill on contact.

At that time, take her out to a certified range for firearms instruction. The purpose of this you must explain is not so she will "like" guns, but so that if an event ever happened and she needed to protect your children - she could.

This approach worked very well for a friend of mine whose wife was a staunch anti-gun individual.

She later explained to him that she had actually been afraid that they would have an argument, and in the heat of the moment, one of them would shoot the other.

The separate keys deal solved that problem for her.

[The Nid Hog]

She later explained to him that she had actually been afraid that they would have an argument, and in the heat of the moment, one of them would shoot the other.

The separate keys deal solved that problem for her.

Unless she palms a couple of rounds!

[luvmysuper]

Unless she palms a couple of rounds!

:lol: :lol:

Well, nothing is fool proof, when you try to make something fool proof, you only wind up with ingenious fools!


:w00t:

[Kenno]

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51xcu97mhsL.jpg

I finally found an affordable, fire-proof gunsafe that i'd like to eventually buy to house my future gun collection. however, my wife insists that I keep any and all guns at her mom's house at the farm which is 45 minutes away. I mentioned the safe to her and she wouldn't hear me out. the only way I get to keep a firearm in the house is if I got a gunsafe BUT kept the safe in our garage :blink:. not only is the garage a serious liability but it's freezing in the winter and brutally hot in the summer -- I doubt the extreme temperatures can be good for any gun, especially a rifle with a wood stock. so, what options do I have? just bringing up the subject makes her pretty pissy about the whole thing and I have to hear some long, drawn out diatribe about how guns are dangerous, we're gonna start a family soon so no guns in the house, blah blah blah. I told her that guns don't kill people, people kill people and that I would be the safest person out there. what recourse do I have? the garage idea just isn't gonna work, unless of course there's some ultra fancy gunsafe out there that's climate controlled.

don't let a silly thing like storing guns at your house come between you. your wife and as are many millions of people around the world not comfortable with them and why should the millions be forced to feel comfortable. she obviously sees a lot of killings/shootings on tv and what not and doesn't want anything to do with them and she is meeting you halfway with the storing at home in a safe or at your parents farm. no body ever knows when they are gonna lose it and maybe one day reach for the gun. that trigger can be a very touchy thing and some people under pressure/stress touch it and set it off by accident.

guns are not toys and should be kept as far away from kids as possible. i'd rather kids don't know how to load a gun a fire it than learn how to! there's much better toys to play with.

lets say you have to use a gun for home protection, one would think to be one up on the burgular/criminal you gotta have a loded gun next to your bed anyways?????? as far as home protection goes i pray that you don't have to live in an area where you feel the need that you have to have a gun to feel safe? that's a very very unfortunate place to be.

let her have this one and she will feel more comfortable at home, her happiness and your love will keep both you safe. look at locking your house up in a better way to keep the critters out and don't flaunt your wealth too much if you have any cause they can smell it downwind.

[DamnFineBob]

...guns are dangerous, we're gonna start a family soon so no guns in the house...

Don't forget to put the kitchen knives, household cleaners, and her curling iron in the safe, too. They can be dangerous, you know.

[gaseousclay]

This approach worked very well for a friend of mine whose wife was a staunch anti-gun individual.

She later explained to him that she had actually been afraid that they would have an argument, and in the heat of the moment, one of them would shoot the other.



oddly enough, I wouldn't be surprised if this is how my wife felt. we've had some pretty bad fights in the past and I think she has this irrational fear that I'll do something or that even she'll do something regretful.

[gaseousclay]

don't let a silly thing like storing guns at your house come between you. your wife and as are many millions of people around the world not comfortable with them and why should the millions be forced to feel comfortable. she obviously sees a lot of killings/shootings on tv and what not and doesn't want anything to do with them and she is meeting you halfway with the storing at home in a safe or at your parents farm. no body ever knows when they are gonna lose it and maybe one day reach for the gun. that trigger can be a very touchy thing and some people under pressure/stress touch it and set it off by accident.

guns are not toys and should be kept as far away from kids as possible. i'd rather kids don't know how to load a gun a fire it than learn how to! there's much better toys to play with.

lets say you have to use a gun for home protection, one would think to be one up on the burgular/criminal you gotta have a loded gun next to your bed anyways?????? as far as home protection goes i pray that you don't have to live in an area where you feel the need that you have to have a gun to feel safe? that's a very very unfortunate place to be.

let her have this one and she will feel more comfortable at home, her happiness and your love will keep both you safe. look at locking your house up in a better way to keep the critters out and don't flaunt your wealth too much if you have any cause they can smell it downwind.

this is true. I think i'm getting too caught up in the moment and feel as though it's a control issue, but I also know I should respect her wishes. the truth is, not so long ago I agreed with her wholeheartedly about not wanting a gun in the house, but once I did some research on hunting & firearms my view had changed. for example, I have no desire to own a handgun, but I wouldn't hesitate to purchase a rifle or shotgun. I live in a decent neighborhood so home invasions aren't a big concern for me. I guess i'm looking at rifles/shotguns/hunting as a new hobby and part of me wants her to support me in that. I know in my heart that I would support any choice she makes, provided she's clear about what she wants. I'd like for her to do the same for me. the upside is that she's at least open to me buying a rifle, so it's a start

[Amer]

Here's my take on things.

If it's something you really want and she's compromised by saying you can have it in the garage, take it. But know that she will probably resent you for it.

In an emergency home defense situation, a gun in your safe might as well be a gun at her mother's farm. If you could actually get to the safe, open it, maybe have to load the gun, and then actually go back and find the person to use it on.....you could have left the house.

Another poster talked about sitting in the kitchen with his firearms, waiting for the man who threatened him. Myself, I would have left the house if I was really that worried about it. I'd rather avoid the situation all together than get into a possible shootout or confrontation. Obviously you can't leave your house forever, but if you know a confrontation like that is coming, why would you wait around for it? The police might not have shown up on time, or at all, but if something actually happened to your property while you weren't there they would know the first person to go talk to. All the weapons loaded and ready aren't going to help you if he gets his shot off first and it's on target. Obviously training and practice is where it's at, but the man may get lucky and I'd rather not even put myself in the possible situation where the 10 o'clock news has "homeowner killed by disgruntled painter". Even just typing it seems like the most ridiculous situation to lose your life in.

It has been said, a gun is a tool. Like any other tool, it's best used for it's intended purpose. If it's purpose is for target shooting or trap or what have you, do you really need to keep it at your house if it's going to make your wife that uncomfortable? Do you have a range at your house? If you want a firearm for home defense then buy a proper home defense weapon that can be kept loaded or easily loaded and easily available. Obviously it sounds like your wife would not go for this. As I tried to imply before, if it's for home defense any compromises on this basically make it not a home defense weapon.

And yes, people have fears that weapons in their home will be turned against them. Either by intruder or fellow housemate. By intention or accident. Most people, like myself, that have this fear have it because we have been in the situation where we have been threatened by a housemate with a weapon or have hear of or witnessed an accident that resulted in harm. In my case it was a knife and he was literally standing in front of me, threatening to kill me with it. No it was not a butter knife, but a display piece dagger that I could have easily been stabbed with. Luckily the situation was diffused and it later came to light that the guy had some mental issues due to a vitamin deficiency. But I had literally known the guy for years and this was out of the blue.

People tend to find themselves in emotional situations and things happen. The danger of a firearm in these situations is, much like Nid Hog was getting at, the firearm is such an easy to use, impersonal weapon. All it takes is a few pounds of force on the trigger and the situation is over in one bullet. It's not repeated, defensible swings from a bat or knife. It's one squeeze and it's over before you've even thought about it. Tempers flare, emotions run high, and I know I've been in arguments and upsetting situations where if a gun had been available, someone might have killed themselves afterwards just to get away from the situation and because guns do it so perfectly, easily, and quickly. Instant, painless death has an appeal to it for people that find themselves in certain situations. As has been said, this is easily preventable by measures as keeping ammo and gun separate and having separate keys for both, or an array of other things. But doing so once again reduces the effectiveness of the weapon for a defense role. I guess the question is, what good is a gun for home defense if one of the scenarios is that the gun itself might be used against a member of the home? Obviously not a likely scenario (and I'd say the pros outweigh this con), but I think it's a question some people never ask.

Just think about what you really want the gun for and if it's really worth fighting about where it's kept. You can try to wear down your wife but unless she agrees with your views on the matter I can't say it will end well.

[arghblech]

Find a hobby that doesn't come between you and your wife. If the guns drive a wedge between you and your wife, what did those guns manage to protect? The TV, maybe?

[Go West Young Man]

If it is only a collection, it shouldn't be a concern where you keep them. On the other hand, if you want a weapon(s) for the protection of your family then that's a different matter ... and two entirely different discussions.


You beat me too it.



Let the wookie win.

If she doesn't like guns in the house, neither do you. If she wants a red car, you like red cars.

It just isn't that important of a thing.

If home security is a concern, research and spend your money on active denial systems. Firearms are reactive, and if you get to the point where you need one, it's already too late.


This is the smartest man on the board! :thumbup1:

[Snipersnest]

get the safe- put it in the garage-winterize/ ac the garage and turn it into your man cave. Win win.


http://www.codenameinsight.com/photos/man%20cave%203.jpg


you are the master!!!

[knlgskr]

i've asked her to go trap shooting with me but she has no interest in it. rather than indulge me she manages to insult me by shooting me down (no pun intended) every time I ask. she complains about how we don't do things together but when I suggest something she shows no interest. I agree that she's being ignorant about the whole thing but I don't know what I can do to get her interested in guns


Compromising/discussion are excellent tools for resolving conflicts but both parties need to respect and listen to the other. It is probably easier to let someone become interested on their volition than try to get them interested.

Law enforcement personnel exist to enforce laws not to protect us so I have been told by them and not all of them agree with this philosophy.

In order to have/hold life/property the wherewithal to do so should exist passive/active. Our planet cannot be made entirely safe for everyone/anyone and we may have to protect and defend that/those which we hold dear.

All defenses have their limits and criminals have no incentive to be charitable with the lives and property of others nor should we expect this of them. Passivity can be fatal, the dead can neither identify nor testify and that makes apprehension and conviction difficult. The best that can be done is to try to make transgressions against us difficult by means with which we are capable/comfortable. One should also consider the possibility of protecting/defending others who may be unable to do so for themselves; that may be part of being an involved citizen--a difficult decision at best.

Jeff Cooper writes well about individual obligation/responsibility in regard to firearms in the protection of life, property, rights, freedom.

What we take for granted is perhaps for the majority of our planet's population; wishful thinking/dreaming.

[auk1124]

Get the safe- put it in the garage-winterize/ AC the garage and turn it into your man cave. Win win.




This.

[AmishFury]

reading the OP again... i'm sure those temperatures in your garage are not going to be anywhere near enough to harm the guns...

let's put it this way... guns get way hotter shooting them than they can get sitting in your garage in the summer... and the cold won't hurt them either... guns are not delicate instruments... they are guns some of mine were dragged around snow covered battlefields in extreme cold over 65 years ago and they are just fine

the only thing to be concerned with is moisture and there are plenty of ways to handle that... dessipaks, dehumidifiers, etc

keeping it in a garage (provided it's not left opened/unlocked all the time) is no less secure than keeping it in the house

[Hreafn]

She says guns kill people, what about the knives that are safe in the kitchen? As a person who grew up with guns in the house and that owns guns, keep them locked up and TEACH your kids about guns how to use them and be around them safely.

[Larryon]

Ask the NRA for their advice; they always seem to have answers for everything. What's more important to you, guns or your wife?

Larry

[mretzloff]

What's more important to you, guns or your wife?


We're gonna need pics now.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[auk1124]

We're gonna need pics now.

Of the guns AND the wife.

[proxymoron]

I don't really get this thread. Your wife's initial position was that you needed to keep the guns off-site and 45 minutes away. You wanted the guns in the house. Now, after further discussion, she's willing to let you keep guns in a safe in the garage which is presumably attached to the house. To me that seems like a pretty good compromise. Unless maybe you wanted a 'compromise,' the kind where you both get a say so long as your say is the only one that matters.

[DFrancis]

Of the guns AND the wife.

Together.

[Dewaine]

Take your wife shooting, buy her a gun, take a gun safety course together.

[rosborne]

Her bias is based on ignorance. Educate her by getting her some professional instruction. I've yet to meet a well-informed 'anti'. Go take a course at Front sight or Thunder Ranch together. You'll have fun and you'll be amazed at how much you learn. And you'll both be safer.

+1/ Ignorance and fear. I was raised around guns. At one time, before my father had a gun cabinet, they were just in a corner. We knew not to touch them an didn't. I get so aggravated with people who react just the way your wife does that it's easy for me to say some hateful things but the fact is, you future children are more likely to get hurt by a steak knife in the house than a firearm.

My family has just started shooting together and it's fun and a family bonding experience. My ten year old and wife compete to see who can hit the target first.

[Seraphim]

I was using the 'guns don't kill people' bit as an example of how people are ultimately responsible for their actions. so whether it's a gun, a knife or a baseball bat, it doesn't really matter. I don't know if my wife is just afraid of guns or afraid of me owning a gun. believe me when I say that I take gun safety very seriously and that I wouldn't do anything to put my wife in harm's way, let alone make her feel unsafe with a gun in the house. I guess i'd like for her to at least engage in a civil conversation rather than shut me down every time I bring it up. I love my wife but she can be unbelievably stubborn


Your wife could therefore argue that you should just as well get a knife or a baseball bat, if they are all the same as you say......instead of a gun.



Do you currently own any fireams? Did you grow up around them, etc?


I have immense respect for people who know how to handle firearms correctly. I am not one of them. I used to shoot rifles with my dad and some friends and their dads, but that was as far as it went. I have a manly desire for firearms, but I also know that I am not the "type" for firearms. I lack the safety discipline to truly be a good custodian of them.

You've lived your life up until now without a locker full of firearms, you can probably last a bit longer without them until you find a decent resolution.

A more important matter would be focusing on having kids, if that's what you guys are up for. Once you start that, you won't have any time for any sort of hobbies at all.....aside from the occaisional shave here and there.

[Kenno]

Take your wife shooting, buy her a gun, take a gun safety course together.

and don't forget to take her to a baseball game, buy her a baseball bat and take a baseball bat safety course.

you could also take her to cooking classes, buy her a butter knife and take a knife safety course.

[crankymoose]

You can always get another wife, while custom Ivory handled Colt 45's are getting a little harder to come by and in the long run a gun collection is immensely cheaper :w00t:

Sold a bunch (not all) of mine off when I got married, my now EX said oh you don't need all them and we really need the money, am I bitter you betcha :lol:

Seriously though see Sue's post and think things over.
That and probably not a good idea to ask a bunch of guys on a shave forum for much advice on anything other then shaving :quickdraw

[Too Tall]

Boss I can't comment wrt relations between you and the wife. I very much agree with the retired police officer that there is no use in having a gun in the house for home defense unless it is ready and available. With advent of biometic safes you have both security and fast access. There are very good safes military and swat uses that are small enough to sit bedside and open in less than 1 second. Program the safe with your fingerprint and throw the key in the trash. Now you are the only person who can get in the safe easily and you have access. Good luck with the fam. situation. Keep mom happy, that's more important than any stupid rifle ;)

[gaseousclay]

Seriously though see Sue's post and think things over.
That and probably not a good idea to ask a bunch of guys on a shave forum for much advice on anything other then shaving :quickdraw

true. although, the comments here have been far more helpful than some of the other forums I frequent which suggested flat out divorce - not very helpful.

[Nils]

I don't really get this thread. Your wife's initial position was that you needed to keep the guns off-site and 45 minutes away. You wanted the guns in the house. Now, after further discussion, she's willing to let you keep guns in a safe in the garage which is presumably attached to the house. To me that seems like a pretty good compromise. Unless maybe you wanted a 'compromise,' the kind where you both get a say so long as your say is the only one that matters.

+1
Personally, I think your wife gave up a lot of her position by agreeing to this compromise. I share her position and feel that this might have been a hard step for her to take.
Marriage is all about compromise, and this seems a good one to me.

[Obsessed]

I don't really get this thread. Your wife's initial position was that you needed to keep the guns off-site and 45 minutes away. You wanted the guns in the house. Now, after further discussion, she's willing to let you keep guns in a safe in the garage which is presumably attached to the house. To me that seems like a pretty good compromise. Unless maybe you wanted a 'compromise,' the kind where you both get a say so long as your say is the only one that matters.

Bingo.

[Nishnabotna]

Have you thought about counseling?

[furious1]

One question that has yet to be addressed in this great discussion, which I also hope is helpful for the OP, is why he needs the guns in the garage?

As far as I can tell from perusing, the guns are for recreational shooting, not home defense so none of the arguments from the B&B Charles Bronson club apply. Do you go on impromptu hunting trips or skeet shooting? How often? If not, why not keep the guns at your gun club and save the hassle? Do you want to play with them in the house or show them off to friends?

If you buy the safe and install it in the house at the adamant objection of your wife, you will cause resentment that can fester into a serious wound in the relationship. Have you been married long?

Good luck.

[gaseousclay]

why not keep the guns at your gun club and save the hassle? Do you want to play with them in the house or show them off to friends?



good call. I didn't think of this option. I'm actually going to a fundraiser tomorrow at one of the gun clubs in town so i'll ask if they allow members to store rifles. i'm not officially a member of any gun club just yet so this makes the most sense :thumbup1:

[BigFoot]

My wife used to be somewhat like that. She would allow guns in the house but had no interest in them. When I got my ccw permit she told me I was crazy and would never be allowed to carry. I begged and pleaded with her even cleaned the toilets a time or two. Finally she agreed to come to the range with me.......and she was hooked. She now owns three hand guns of her own. She carry's a Lady Smith .38 special. I do not know if this will ever work with your wife but perseverance paid off for me.....Or I created a monster.

[chfair]

i would say take her up on keeping them in the garage for now. work your way to seeing about going to a gun safety class in the future (safety class as it seems you won't be getting her to skip right to the shooting range).

as for garage kept weapons, my father has always kept our gun collection in the garage. some of the guns in a safe some of the guns not (all locked in separate little room). a good cleaning every year or 2 with a coat of oil on the metal parts (would have to look at the brand we use to recall) and any guns with wooden or non synthetic stocks just keep moisture off them. the only problems we have had with that storage method was if we forgot to wipe down the metal after using the guns.

best of luck in your endeavors

[Don Barbiere]

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/514V4FtwEgL._SL500_.jpg

This one by the side of the bed ready to go in case a bad person breaks in in middle of night, and all the rest of the guns where ever she wants, stored in a safe!

[Nils]

There are many reasons why one wouldn't want guns in their house, fellows. It simply isn't accurate or fair to paint all of those who do not with the brush of ignorance and fear.

Thank you.