9 words women use...

[TheVez2]

Funny because it is true!

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Seems like I've heard some (or all) of these before. :001_rolle

[Telecaster52]

:thumbup1:
if there was a like button, i'd click it 100 times :lol:

[Prince]

I've given my wife this list before. She says they are correct. You've been warned :lol:

[DE Shaver]

Very well put. However, you forgot the "We need to talk" as a statement. It actually means, "I'm going to criticize you and you're going to grin and bear it." It's usually in reference to how a toilet seat is placed.

[galopede]

Very well put. However, you forgot the "We need to talk" as a statement. It actually means, "I'm going to criticize you and you're going to grin and bear it." It's usually in reference to how a toilet seat it placed.

I've never understood the toilet seat thing with women. If they put them down, then we have to lift them up, so, fair's fair we leave them up. What's the difference between me lifting it and her putting it down?

Gareth

[BigRich]

I've never understood the toilet seat thing with women. If they put them down, then we have to lift them up, so, fair's fair we leave them up. What's the difference between me lifting it and her putting it down?

Gareth

None really. But if you bring it to her attention you might mysteriously die in your sleep.

[DE Shaver]

What's the difference between me lifting it and her putting it down?
Evidently, you don't understand women. For what's it worth, neither does any living man. :huh:

[Greybeard]

I've never understood the toilet seat thing with women. If they put them down, then we have to lift them up, so, fair's fair we leave them up. What's the difference between me lifting it and her putting it down?

Gareth

I can sympathize with women on that ever since my wife dropped her ass into the freezing cold toilet water at 3:00 in the morning one January, 30 years ago. I'm still alive because I've never, ever left the seat up since. I was also smart enough not to laugh when she woke me up cursing at me.

You should also include
"Does this (insert appropriate garment here) make me look fat?"
A question to which any response or even no response will get you in trouble.

[Swampfox]

:lol::001_huh::blink::thumbup:

[Bertilak]

Good list.

There is a number 10 -- which is complete silence. This could mean any of the nine except number 7. It is especially dangerous because you need to figure out for yourself which one is meant. Please don't get it wrong!

[DE Shaver]

Good list.

There is a number 10 -- which is complete silence.

This is the worst one. I hate the cold shoulder routine. :mad3:

[shm]

OK, I'm single and after reading this list I understand why - I haven't done anything right :lol: :001_tt2: :jump:

Now I just have to keep with me a laminated card with this :lol:

[BladeRunner001]

Funny because it is true!

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Seems like I've heard some (or all) of these before. :001_rolle

This cracked me up :thumbup1::thumbup1::lol::lol:

This is too funny...Thanks

[BladeRunner001]

I can sympathize with women on that ever since my wife dropped her ass into the freezing cold toilet water at 3:00 in the morning one January, 30 years ago. I'm still alive because I've never, ever left the seat up since. I was also smart enough not to laugh when she woke me up cursing at me.

You should also include
"Does this (insert appropriate garment here) make me look fat?"
A question to which any response or even no response will get you in trouble.

This thread is something else

I love this story Greybeard :thumbup1:.

[wolfmanxiii]

Evidently, you don't understand women. For what's it worth, neither does any living man. :huh:

You forgot to mention that women don't understand women, nor do they understand themselves. That's what makes them so dangerous and unpredictable. They're like little schizo/bi-polar patients with a hold on your coin pouch and a chip on their shoulder.

We on the other hand are all obviously masochistic...well other than the single guy.

[jpb286]

None really. But if you bring it to her attention you might mysteriously die in your sleep.

:lol:

[Stevestan]

It's beyond Mars vs Venus. In my book, men and women are completely different animals--virtually completely different species!

[jsrdrnr]

This is a great list and as a woman I can say that it is pretty much on the money. I kinda hate to admit it though! <grin>

[Bright (Satin) Futur]

I've given my wife this list before. She says they are correct. You've been warned :lol:


And THAT"S when the fight started . . . ! :lol:

Enough said.

[BigRich]

I just feel the need to throw in that I love my wife and she's always right.

(I know this is true because she told me it is...and she's always watching)

[a_bit_crafty]

This is a great list and as a woman I can say that it is pretty much on the money. I kinda hate to admit it though! <grin>

+1 Pretty much...

[DFrancis]

I just feel the need to throw in that I love my wife and she's always right. I

(I know this is true because she told me it is...and she's always watching)

:lol: too true.

[Swampfox]

You forgot to mention that women don't understand women, nor do they understand themselves. That's what makes them so dangerous and unpredictable. They're like little schizo/bi-polar patients with a hold on your coin pouch and a chip on their shoulder.

We on the other hand are all obviously masochistic...well other than the single guy.

:lol::lol::lol:

[jpb286]

I just feel the need to throw in that I love my wife and she's always right.

(I know this is true because she told me it is...and she's always watching)

+1 :whistling:

[Kcaps]

I've never understood the toilet seat thing with women. If they put them down, then we have to lift them up, so, fair's fair we leave them up. What's the difference between me lifting it and her putting it down?

Gareth

My wife leaves the toilet seat up and I always put it down! She actually tells me to leave it up, but I don't want to be starring into the disgusting bowl where I evacuate my body. YUCK.

[kwk285]

Another one is.. What do you think? In most cases it means I want you to agree with me or give me some form of compliment.:001_smile

[Go West Young Man]

Over the years, I've showed this list to various women in my life, and it turns out woman really don't have a sense of humor about themselves.

[Prince]

Over the years, I've showed this list to various women in my life, and it turns out woman really don't have a sense of humor about themselves.

And this is a surprise for what reason?

[pal]

Hilarious.....but true!

[brianw]

My Uncle Fritze on his 50th wedding anniversary responded to my question (a young unmarried man at the time) "how do you stay married for 50 years"... His response was "If a woman tells you water runs uphill...agree right way, for you will argue and argue until YOU get tired and agree, so save yourself the upset stomach and agree right away...you will be much happier".... those are words I have lived by since.

[BEAR DEN]

Fantastic list! Very funny...but SOLID words of WISDOM!! :lol:

[shm]

Fantastic list! Very funny...but SOLID words of WISDOM!! :lol:

+1, keep them coming - I'm writing all down to learn how to translate from female to male language (Google Translate or Babelfish doesn't have this service).

Q: Does my ass look big in those pants?
A: No, it's not just in those pants.

The answer wasn't appreciated - why do they ask then? :001_rolle

[DFrancis]

My Uncle Fritze on his 50th wedding anniversary responded to my question (a young unmarried man at the time) "how do you stay married for 50 years"... His response was "If a woman tells you water runs uphill...agree right way, for you will argue and argue until YOU get tired and agree, so save yourself the upset stomach and agree right away...you will be much happier".... those are words I have lived by since.

There was a similar thing on the news one day. a couple that had been married for 70 or so years. They asked them what their secret was, without skipping a beat the mad said "I say 'yes dear' " :lol:

[GDCarrington]

OK, I'm single and after reading this list I understand why - I haven't done anything right :lol: :001_tt2: :jump:

Now I just have to keep with me a laminated card with this :lol:

It's the same with me. Maybe game playing with my life has never been my style, so why allow others to do it.

[wolfmanxiii]

As crazy as we think they are though...you gotta' give them this much:

Life would be quite boring without them...I mean come on we would all just fish, hunt, and live like outdoors-men if it weren't for having a reason to shave, hold a job, and be refined.

[HilaLee]

I've asked my husband several times what he'd do without me and his response is always "shrivel up and die". It's sad because it's true. He'd have nobody to cook, clean, find things, remind him of things that he needs to do, go to the store for him, take out the trash, clean his truck... the list goes on and on..:thumbup:

[ama015]

Great thread, and so true. The author of this list has learnt life the hard way, lol!

[pauls51]

Haha... Good read and o so true!

[auk1124]

Another one to add to the list: "Hey dumbass, take out the trash!"

I'm fairly certain this one means: take out the trash, dumbass.

[Scott0079]

Here's my latest favorite:
"Can you believe what _____(female) was wearing." which seems to loosely translate to.... "I wish I would look that good in that"....or.... "Were you looking at her breasts with the rest of the guys?". I have found the correct answer is "NO!, she looked like a hooker ! :001_cool:

[Argonaut]

I made the mistake of mentioning that a local news anchor was really attractive in person(I repaired some plumbing for her). That was 14 years ago and my wife still refers to her as "your girlfriend". I made the mistake of responding "I wish" after a drink or three.... that was a long dryspell brothers. Sense of humor and woman jealousy do not mix.

[DE Shaver]

Sense of humor and woman jealousy do not mix.

Truer words have never been spoken.

[haagiboy]

*taking notes*

Thanks for all the help with my relationship to women! ^^

[binowatch]

Why don't you think about it? Think some more.