Bed time for children. Am I unreasonable?

[Wendy]

I have 3 children that live in the home with me and that I take care of 99.9% of the time. My 8 year old takes unassisted showers and potty breaks but my one and three year old need help. That being said here are my rules on bedtime.

The 8 yr old has school daily. He leaves the house at 8:30. He gets up around 7:00 so he can hang with his Dad for 20 minutes before he takes off for work. I have a bed time for him of 8:30. Keep in mind he is using an alarm to wake up so in my mind he could use more sleep. My thought is kids need ample sleep and nutrition to grow and learn.

I have a 1 year old. She will be 2 next month and she goes to bed around 9:30. Also my 3 yr old turning 4 next month goes around 9:30 as well. My reasoning on that is I have a little time in the morning to do what I need to do without little ones and secondly I am not really an early riser. I help my mom run A business she too is not an early riser. I take the girls with me every day other than the 2 half days of pre-school my 3 yr old has which start at noon. Is this unfair to my 8yr old or does anyone think this is a logical reason for younger ones to be up later than the older one? Keep in mind when the little ones are in school they will be in bed much sooner. Does it matter what time the younger ones go to sleep if they are getting enough sleep?

[Hreafn]

I dont think so.

[Dennis]

I think you know best as a parent. My two boys to go to bed sometime between 8 to 9:30p-ish. It depends on how hard the almost 5 year old is resisting. I think sleep is one of those things they catch up on, but I believe the medical folk think that is BS. Both my kids still take afternoon naps (the elder not regularly but sometimes), so anything they are missing they usually catch up there in my observations.

[SmoovD]

I guess I would think that the younger the child the earlier the bedtime. However, when they are so young they do not adhere to schedules very well.

Short answer. If it works for everyone involved why sweat it?

[82R100]

If it works for everyone involved why sweat it?

I assume that the 8 year old feels deeply wronged by this arrangement.

The only change I could see being made would be to put the younger ones to bed by 8:30 or earlier, but it sounds as if you're o.k. with the current schedule.

- Chris

[Brad31]

IMO, a bedtime is an okay thing to have. A strict bedtime is what I have a problem with. If a kid is forced to miss the end of a baseball game on TV or you leave early when you are out to have him in bed at a certain time, is no good. Let the kid learn he needs sleep, and let him learn how to adapt to certain situations. If he HAS to be in bed at exactly 930 every night it takes away his thinking and reasoning ability. Encourage him to discover the pros and cons of going to bed early vs. late. There is a difference between teaching a kid they need sleep and forcing them to sleep.

[Wendy]

I definitely stretch the rules from time to time. Like now they are on cycle break and he has been up until 10 or so. If we have something going on during the school week and we are up late I just try to get him back to bed early the next night. I am by no means real strict on this. As far as the little one. They are up later only because I am up late and a late sleeper. My little one is still sleeping now and it is 9am. thumbup:

[azmark]

I have a 3 and 4 year old and both are in the room by 8. Not necessarily asleep, but they're in there. Then about 3 am we get paid a visit by our 4 year old crawling into bed with us:001_smile

[Wendy]

I have a 3 and 4 year old and both are in the room by 8. Not necessarily asleep, but they're in there. Then about 3 am we get paid a visit by our 4 year old crawling into bed with us:001_smile

How early are they up the next day? BTW my 3 y old climbs in with us at least 2 nights a week around 4 or 5 : )

[The Nid Hog]

I think that you just have to do what works for you and for them. Parenting is stressful enough without trying to hold to an accepted "bedtime" that might not really work for your family. As long as they're healthy and getting enough sleep and you are getting the things done that you have to do, everything is fine.

[WhosYerBob]

As my wife always points out to me, kids are real sensitive to perceived slights - my take would be to make bedtime consistent for all of them or allow the older one to go to bed after the smaller ones by a few minutes.

Otherwise, further down the line you may hear, "Mom always did love you better!" Or have to pay for years of therapy due to low self esteem. Just kidding on this section, but know of some of my peers that did end up that way.

[funkyb]

YMMV of course, but as long as I can remember I've found that when I get too much sleep I have a harder time waking than when I get just enough.

Now I'm 29 and for me this is somewhere between 6-7 hours, but without exception if I sleep 8-10 hours I have a terrible time waking up. It's possible that your son could find it easier to wake up if he got slightly less sleep. I'm guessing it all depends on each individuals sleep cycle and at what point in that cycle one tries to wake up.

[Obsessed]

If it works for everyone involved why sweat it?



I think that you just have to do what works for you and for them. Parenting is stressful enough without trying to hold to an accepted "bedtime" that might not really work for your family. As long as they're healthy and getting enough sleep and you are getting the things done that you have to do, everything is fine.

Agreed on both counts. It sounds like your system is working, so don't drive yourself crazy about it, and don't let anyone else drive you crazy about it.

[richmondesi]

My 6 year old goes to bed at 8:30 for the reasons that you mentioned, but my 2 year old goes to bed at 7:30 and sleeps until after my 6 year old wakes up normally. Plus, he gets a 2-3 hour nap every day. I put him to bed so early because I think the younger they are the more sleep they need... Who knows?

[RBE17]

My 3 1/2 yr old daughter goes to bed around 9:00, which I feel is too late. The problem is that she still takes a nap during the day. That, along w/ her late wake up perpetuates the late bed time. I wish she didn't take a nap so bed time would be much easier for us. We still lay w/ her until she falls asleep. Many nights she still comes over to our room. We have a mat for her to sleep on so she doesn't wake us up.

My 15mo son is a piece of cake. I feed him a bottle at 8:15. Rock him for five minutes and put him in his crib. I cover him and leave. He sucks his thumb and puts himself to sleep and generally doesn't wake up until ~8:00 the next morning.

I guess the wake up times work for my wife since she takes them to school and she is not a morning person. Earlier wake up times would force my wife to get up earlier.

I dislike the late bed time for my daughter. I feel it is way to late. Many times I end up falling asleep w/ her and when I wake up it's midnight. It disrupts our sleep cycles and invariably makes us feel tired the next day.

[kwk285]

Each child is different. How much sleep does that child need? I think this is one of the many areas as a parent that you can and should treat each child different.

[Chevyguy]

I definitely stretch the rules from time to time. Like now they are on cycle break and he has been up until 10 or so. If we have something going on during the school week and we are up late I just try to get him back to bed early the next night. I am by no means real strict on this. As far as the little one. They are up later only because I am up late and a late sleeper. My little one is still sleeping now and it is 9am. thumbup:

Wendy, I think you are doing just fine with the bedtime arrangement and their adjustment depending on the days activities. When I was your son's age I had to be to bed by nine. That way I could get up and spend time with my dad before he went to work at seven. I remember dad teaching me how to shave with his flaretip, and making buttermilk pancakes, and eggs for breakfast.

Clayton

[_JP_]

When I was a child I used to think that my early bedtimes were unfair. But I was always rested the next day.

[wedwards]

I have a 5 and a 3 year old. They both go to bed at the same time - usually in bed by 7:30, and asleep somewhere within the next hour.

Unfortunately they have inherited some ADHD off me, so it can take a while for them to actually get to sleep, and we definately dont let them sleep during the day or they will not sleep before midnight or later.

Both of them are in our bed at some point during the night. We now have a mattress on the floor in our room, and are training them that they have to sleep on that, rather than in our bed. The next step will be to get up and take them back to bed, but with everything else going on in our lives, thats a big ask right now.

As a parent, you do what you feel is best for your child, and you make little changes and tweaks over time to, hopefully, improve things.

[faster_than_u]

That is very reasonable. My bed time was at 8:30 until i was 13

[TimmyBoston]

I guess I would think that the younger the child the earlier the bedtime. However, when they are so young they do not adhere to schedules very well.

Short answer. If it works for everyone involved why sweat it?

Bingo.

[Wendy]

As my wife always points out to me, kids are real sensitive to perceived slights - my take would be to make bedtime consistent for all of them or allow the older one to go to bed after the smaller ones by a few minutes.

Otherwise, further down the line you may hear, "Mom always did love you better!" Or have to pay for years of therapy due to low self esteem. Just kidding on this section, but know of some of my peers that did end up that way.

Funny you mention the loving one child better thing. My son would never think that but his Grandma sure does :huh: She was even was mad at me that I did not let the 8yr old boy lay down with my 3 yr old daughter and her 4 yr old friend while they had a sleepover and watched Barney.

[richmondesi]

Funny you mention the loving one child better thing. My son would never think that but his Grandma sure does :huh: She was even was mad at me that I did not let the 8yr old boy lay down with my 3 yr old daughter and her 4 yr old friend while they had a sleepover and watched Barney.

That's kinda understandable though... However, the most disturbing part is the fact that Barney was allowed on the tube. :blink:

[Sue]

Funny you mention the loving one child better thing. My son would never think that but his Grandma sure does :huh: She was even was mad at me that I did not let the 8yr old boy lay down with my 3 yr old daughter and her 4 yr old friend while they had a sleepover and watched Barney.


Let's be clear here, NOT this Grandma.

I am also not the grandma who put on the R movie so the kids could hear words that were overlooked in Sunday School.
Sue

[Wendy]

That's kinda understandable though... However, the most disturbing part is the fact that Barney was allowed on the tube. :blink:

Barney is a 24 hour feed here. Thankfully they like the Christmas Barney so I only have to hear Christmas carols all day not the typical I love you crap :w00t:

[richmondesi]

I'm sorry to hear that. I've completely banned Barney from my home. I couldn't take it if my kids had that on all the time. I've got mine hooked on Sponge Bob and Penguins of Madagascar. I like them as much as they do, so we are set around my house:tongue_sm

[Wendy]

Let's be clear here, NOT this Grandma.

I am also not the grandma who put on the R movie so the kids could hear words that were overlooked in Sunday School.
Sue

I thought of that after the fact. I figured people who know you would know better : ) Just because you do not bring R rated (dropping the F bomb) movies to an all ages Christmas party where people are mingling and carrying on a conversation does not make you better. LOL

Next time yell at me in front of family for not allowing the bedtime to be pushed past 10:30, It should have been midnight so they could hear the other Grandma slur a little more. :cursing:

[Mpugh77]

My 5 y.o. goes to bed ususally between 7:30 and 8:30 and has since he was about 18 months. He is an early riser (like me) and no longer naps--he hasn't had an officially sanctioned daytime nap since about 2 y.o.

[richmondesi]

My 5 y.o. goes to bed ususally between 7:30 and 8:30 and has since he was about 18 months. He is an early riser (like me) and no longer naps--he hasn't had an officially sanctioned daytime nap since about 2 y.o.

Bless you. We'd be an absolute mess if our kids didn't still nap... They need it... or should that be "we need it":001_rolle

[Mr. O]

I think the problem lies, if I'm interpreting this correctly, that the 8 year old is upset that his younger siblings gets to stay up later. Easy fix. Put the younger ones to bed early and let the older one stay up about 20 minutes past the time the younger ones are put to bed. Besides the younger ones probably need more sleep than the older one anyhow. Not much more sleep mind you. Or if you don't like him staying up semi late on weeknights allow him to stay up late on Friday and Saturdays in lieu of going to bed earlier on the week nights.

[Obsessed]

words that were overlooked in Sunday School.

:lol: I like the way you phrased that!

[professorchaos]

I don't have kids, so my perspective is limited to that of a former kid. Until I went to boarding school (at 11 years old...apparently I was a bad child) bed time was 9. At boarding school, it was 9.30. So I don't think you are being unreasonable.

[Wendy]

I think the problem lies, if I'm interpreting this correctly, that the 8 year old is upset that his younger siblings gets to stay up later. Easy fix. Put the younger ones to bed early and let the older one stay up about 20 minutes past the time the younger ones are put to bed. Besides the younger ones probably need more sleep than the older one anyhow. Not much more sleep mind you. Or if you don't like him staying up semi late on weeknights allow him to stay up late on Friday and Saturdays in lieu of going to bed earlier on the week nights.

The 8 yr old does not think much of it at all, his Grandma does. She unfortunately fails to realize I take care of the kids, house and run a business. I do not get up early neither does my work partner. I keep the girls up later because I am not going to get up at 6am if I do not need to, nor am I going to bed before midnight.

[mrbeckett]

That's totally reasonable. My 13 and 10 year-olds get up for school at 6am and have a 9pm bedtime. For a younger child that schedule seems perfectly kosher.

[azmark]

How early are they up the next day? BTW my 3 y old climbs in with us at least 2 nights a week around 4 or 5 : )

My oldest goes to PreK so he'll be up by 7 if he doesn't wake up earlier. My 3 year old, there's no telling. He'll wake up at 3am or 9 am.

[Wendy]

I put my daughter in afternoon preschool because of her sleeping schedule, and mine too : )

[Mr. O]

The 8 yr old does not think much of it at all, his Grandma does. She unfortunately fails to realize I take care of the kids, house and run a business. I do not get up early neither does my work partner. I keep the girls up later because I am not going to get up at 6am if I do not need to, nor am I going to bed before midnight.

My apologies as now I understand the predicament. Well, guess you're the parent see decision maker and grandma needs to understand and respect your decision on how you rear your children.

[danrobles]

My wife and I have an 8:30 bedtime for all our kids our oldest is 2 1/2 and 15 month old twin girls and one due in March. They all know the routine starts at 8 pm with bath time and teeth brushing then sippy cups and lights out. While some need more attention than others they all have become accustom to this schedule. The girls still get 2 naps thru out the day the 2 1/2 yr old 1 nap in the afternoon. As for waking up my son the oldest and one of the twin girls wake at 7am and the last twin my wife wakes her up at 8 she is a little heavy sleeper. We do not deviate much from this schedule because it does affect them more than us as adults. And as for the grandma while I do love my mother she and I have had it out because of the bedtimes and TV watching which we do not permit. While she did not speak to me for a while she understood these are my children and as I reminded her as she taught me so many years ago my house my rules.

[thermographer]

I don't think your being unreasonable at all.
I have 2 daughters who go to college, 19 and 20 years old. They live with us, drive 30 miles one way to college and we expect them in at midnight. Also, if their plans change, they call us-that's not an option.

As we see it, I'm paying their tuition, books, the cars are in my name, car insurance and maintenance, food, etc. My dad handed me a $20 and dropped me off at the Navy's doorstep 18 days out of high school. I have given them the option.

[SRock]

My kids are 5 and 10. During the school year they both go to bed around 9pm. During the summer there is much more flexibility.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all Wendy. Unless it starts to bother your 8YO don't worry about what others think.

[tlanning]

I have 2 twelve year olds that think there 28. However, they know the cell phones go on the charger at 2100hrs, (9PM) and lights out at and in there own rooms for the night at 10PM.

This seems "late for me" but i am not bashful about advice from school councilors and other knowledgeable professionals and they feel that this is a reasonable hour, (normal). I think its a major YMMV and I guess it doesn't get alot easier as they grow older. They do eventually discover negotiating skills. Good Luck :thumbup: