Dear Reg,
Please forgive me for writing this letter after all these years since we last met (40+!?).
I hope i find you in good health and fine spirits. I know this may be a stretch as we are now both nearer to the grave, than to the event which (eventually) gave birth to this letter, but after 5 wives, 3 divorces, a widowing, a quadruple heart bypass, a minor stroke, 2 bankruptcies and near death experience with a parrot whilst stationed in Egypt, i remain, as i always was, an optimistic chap.
On to the point of this letter!
Cast your memory back 40 years to when we were working together for Reuters after our posting in the Middle East. We had that imbecile of a secretary working for us . The hippy, remember? Dreadful man. Insisted on the office doing a "Secret Santa" that Christmas. (Rupert was his name i think, wore multi coloured pants, a ridiculous hat and refused to shave).
Sorry i am digressing. Its the dementia. Drives Betty nuts. Oh, and sorry for the poor grammar. I don't have enough time left to be worrying about full stops and capitals these days.
Anyway, hmm oh yes. Rupert. This Secret Santa palarva. What is the point of getting a gift for a stranger?. I remember buying one of those stuffed Donkeys for Doris as my secret Santa. It was a bit if a protest vote if you will. They were all the rage and i got it for a very good price in the bazaar. Her face was a picture when she opened it!! it was nearly as big as her. Damn thing Cost me a fortune to wrap. Haha. Good memories.
But, then it was your turn and i opened my secret Santa which was from you. Money was tight back in them days. I know it was a stretch for you to get me the gift set, even as humble (cheap) as it was. My thanks was genuine at the time though. We were never the best of buddies but it was a better gift than a stuffed donkey!.
We went out separate ways not longer after that Christmas. I packed your present away for my trip back home and it has been sat in a box in my shed ever since. I've had Roger (my son in law) clear out the shed recently. Betty has told me I'm too old to br hiding in there away from her these days and that she is afraid of the smell and mess I will make if I drop dead whilst in it.(it is quite the retreat I have there to be honest. 5 wives wouldn't have been possible without it!) I can be there for days on end. She never visits me in it either (Its too "dark and smelly" for her.)
Anyway sorry, dimentia again... yes. The gift. Roger found it! It looked just as cheap and unpleasant as the day you gave it to me hehe. I have included a picture of it here
Imperial leather Shaving Soap and Aftershave gift set.
It still has your greeting on the back!
Anyway. I'm bored these days and curiosity (or my dimentia fueled stupidity) got the better of me. I finally open it!.
Good grief it looks even cheaper out of the box. They couldn't even put the sticker on the bottle straight. The aftershave looked ok. No discoloration or separation. I opened it and in a rare fit of self preservation, threw some on the cat to see if was at all toxic. The cat survived and to my surprise didn't smell that bad so I thought to use it. At this point I then looked to the soap. A massive 50 gram stick. Wow. The stick was rattling around in its oversized box like the stuffing in one of Betty's home made meat pies!.
I unwrapped it and it was smelly, spotty and a little flaky on the surface (just like Rupert eh?) But unlike Rupert, all was good after a good wash.
I've used them both now Reg! 40 years eh? Not bad. The aftershave is ok. Its still cheap but I don't need to be stinking like a giggalo these days. Betty's hips can't take the strain of my advances anymore.
The soap is also cheap. Its a little thin and smells old (like me heh) but lathers up ok.
(See this picture here)
It gives a great shave though. Lovely and slick as well. Doesn't clog up my old Gillette at all. I really like it. I used it with my old shaving brush (i could never use that canned goop)
Odd that. I wouldn't have thought it would have been any good when it was bought, never mind after 40 odd years!
So, Reg. I am writing to apologise for not opening your gift for all these years and to say thank you for what has turned out to be a jolly nice shave.
There us no need to reply back and I won't be writing to you again. If you have made it this far with my letter, you are probably cursing me for wasting what little life you have left!
Yours sincerely,
Jack.
Sent from above
Please forgive me for writing this letter after all these years since we last met (40+!?).
I hope i find you in good health and fine spirits. I know this may be a stretch as we are now both nearer to the grave, than to the event which (eventually) gave birth to this letter, but after 5 wives, 3 divorces, a widowing, a quadruple heart bypass, a minor stroke, 2 bankruptcies and near death experience with a parrot whilst stationed in Egypt, i remain, as i always was, an optimistic chap.
On to the point of this letter!
Cast your memory back 40 years to when we were working together for Reuters after our posting in the Middle East. We had that imbecile of a secretary working for us . The hippy, remember? Dreadful man. Insisted on the office doing a "Secret Santa" that Christmas. (Rupert was his name i think, wore multi coloured pants, a ridiculous hat and refused to shave).
Sorry i am digressing. Its the dementia. Drives Betty nuts. Oh, and sorry for the poor grammar. I don't have enough time left to be worrying about full stops and capitals these days.
Anyway, hmm oh yes. Rupert. This Secret Santa palarva. What is the point of getting a gift for a stranger?. I remember buying one of those stuffed Donkeys for Doris as my secret Santa. It was a bit if a protest vote if you will. They were all the rage and i got it for a very good price in the bazaar. Her face was a picture when she opened it!! it was nearly as big as her. Damn thing Cost me a fortune to wrap. Haha. Good memories.
But, then it was your turn and i opened my secret Santa which was from you. Money was tight back in them days. I know it was a stretch for you to get me the gift set, even as humble (cheap) as it was. My thanks was genuine at the time though. We were never the best of buddies but it was a better gift than a stuffed donkey!.
We went out separate ways not longer after that Christmas. I packed your present away for my trip back home and it has been sat in a box in my shed ever since. I've had Roger (my son in law) clear out the shed recently. Betty has told me I'm too old to br hiding in there away from her these days and that she is afraid of the smell and mess I will make if I drop dead whilst in it.(it is quite the retreat I have there to be honest. 5 wives wouldn't have been possible without it!) I can be there for days on end. She never visits me in it either (Its too "dark and smelly" for her.)
Anyway sorry, dimentia again... yes. The gift. Roger found it! It looked just as cheap and unpleasant as the day you gave it to me hehe. I have included a picture of it here
Imperial leather Shaving Soap and Aftershave gift set.
It still has your greeting on the back!
Anyway. I'm bored these days and curiosity (or my dimentia fueled stupidity) got the better of me. I finally open it!.
Good grief it looks even cheaper out of the box. They couldn't even put the sticker on the bottle straight. The aftershave looked ok. No discoloration or separation. I opened it and in a rare fit of self preservation, threw some on the cat to see if was at all toxic. The cat survived and to my surprise didn't smell that bad so I thought to use it. At this point I then looked to the soap. A massive 50 gram stick. Wow. The stick was rattling around in its oversized box like the stuffing in one of Betty's home made meat pies!.
I unwrapped it and it was smelly, spotty and a little flaky on the surface (just like Rupert eh?) But unlike Rupert, all was good after a good wash.
I've used them both now Reg! 40 years eh? Not bad. The aftershave is ok. Its still cheap but I don't need to be stinking like a giggalo these days. Betty's hips can't take the strain of my advances anymore.
The soap is also cheap. Its a little thin and smells old (like me heh) but lathers up ok.
(See this picture here)
It gives a great shave though. Lovely and slick as well. Doesn't clog up my old Gillette at all. I really like it. I used it with my old shaving brush (i could never use that canned goop)
Odd that. I wouldn't have thought it would have been any good when it was bought, never mind after 40 odd years!
So, Reg. I am writing to apologise for not opening your gift for all these years and to say thank you for what has turned out to be a jolly nice shave.
There us no need to reply back and I won't be writing to you again. If you have made it this far with my letter, you are probably cursing me for wasting what little life you have left!
Yours sincerely,
Jack.
Sent from above
If only these things could talk, huh?
